Snoop and find out exactly what is going on. The probability that she is having an affair with someone, male or female, is very high.

Independent behavior is very unhealthy, and your marriage lifestyle has encouraged it. Know now that recovering your marriage will require an integrated lifestyle. Separate vacations, even single nights apart, will have to be a thing of the past.

See, when a group of single women are out on vacation, typically there are men from miles out who hear the vibrations and come running in packs to hunt. Last time I went on a girls trip we literally had to circle like wagons to fend them off. Even on a quiet camping trip we were approached by a group of men!

I'm talking women in their 30s in the English lake district and you say she is going to Vegas??!!

Are the women who are single supposed to act like they are celibate on vacation or is your wife supposed to join in the flirting?

It's just a terrible idea.

It's been awhile since I've posted. Sorry for the delay. Things have been stagnant for awhile until yesterday. Feeling devastated today. Yesterday while the wife was gone, I got onto her laptop to do some work. As I went to the email log in to enter my email address, two email addresses popped up (prob from auto save maybe?). One was hers and the other was one I've never seen. Anyway, her email was still closed but I looked up the address. I comes back to a former high school friend of hers. Well the guy is a businessman in town with his own webpage and that same email on his page. Also on the dudes web page was a cell phone. I researched the cell phone number in my phone records and BAM! Over the last two months, 500 minutes of calls made back and forth and dozens of text. These calls occurred usually while I'm at work. So I get home from work late last night and she nor the kids were home. She eventually got home a few minutes later and said she was at the mall and "ran into an old friend from high school. He was there with his kids and we just talked for a few minutes." Hearing this after discovering the phone records just sank me. I want go Hiroshima on this but I think I need a bit more concrete evidence. Thinking about a PI since I can't get into her email.

Get a keylogger on her laptop.

I would hire a PI and slap a key logger on her computer and a GPS on her car. You will get the evidence quickly. When you get it, don't confront her or let on that you know. Just come back here and we will help you with next steps.

It won't take long for a PI to get you very good evidence. Let her have some 'space' on the night you hire him and she is bound to use it poorly.

I'm so very, very sorry. However take heart that OM are loser cowards who are easily run off 100 pc of the time. If you can get the goods and do an explosive exposure in one day (we'll guide you) - you're going to be the one running this show.

Do make sure you eat (or take bites at least) and sleep. You have a war to win.

Here Private Investigators

NIM,

Awhile back you wrote, My wife recently returned from long girls trip in the Bahamas.

I would lay 50% odds OM was there or at one of WWs other weekend getaways. The shutoff of intimacy with you is consistent with your WW becoming "faithful" to OM btw.

OM has kids and a wife?

God Bless
Gamma

She went with two girlfriend's along with one of the girls teen daughters. Could be a possibility they met up, but not sure. Yes the other man has a wife and three small kids.

Side note, I bought a VAR and GPS yesterday. Should get those by tomorrow and hopefully up and running by this weekend. So long as I have a bit more evidence, I plan to confront by the end of the month. Oddly enough the wife left her email open today. She was gone for a very short amount of time so I did some quick snooping. She deleted most of her sent box, trash bin and draft bin. I was able to search the email history with the OM email. I found a month old conversation where they were trying to facetime each other while she was on vacation with my kids and her parents. Meanwhile I'm at home working! A bit pissed!!

So you have evidence of an affair? Have you read up on exposure?

Update. This morning prior to heading to the gym, I took a peak into my W work laptop. The genius left it on and open. Guess what....I clicked on her Facebook tab which opened up the Facebook messenger page. As my own eyes watched, I saw my W and OM having an actual conversation via Facebook messenger right before my eyes. It was irrefutable concrete evidence of an affair. I was disgusting. The "I Love You's" the "I can't wait to have you in my bed" the "I can't stop thinking about you" blah blah. Thank you to you all, the first thing I did was take a screen shop of all the messages and emailed them myself. I then went to my bank, split accounts and established my own line of credit. I then went to my family for council then printed out the Facebook message posts. two hours ago I confronted the wife. She fully admitted and said it's all her fault. I asked her to leave for couple days. She just left. I have an appt with a therapist and a divorce attorney tomorrow. I'm a wreck...I asked her to leave for a couple days to gain my sanity. I'm crying as I type. Lord help me be strong for my kids. I devoted my life to this women only to be betrayed.

I am so very sorry. I know the feeling well.

Now that you have the evidence, exposure is your next step.

Exposure 101

I am very sorry for the pain that you are going through.

Your wife's A was going on whether you knew it or not, so now that you DO know it with certainty, you can take the steps to fight for your marriage (if you choose).

The first step, whether you choose to fight for your M or not, is to expose all at once in one fell swoop, without warning. Read the exposure thread that FTF linked for you, but be sure to choose your targets well and get it all done at once. The reason for exposure whether you choose M or divorce, is that you want to bust this A all to pieces�you SURE do not want your children having to call the OM Daddy, right?

Expose to your wife's parents and siblings as well as her close friends, the OM's wife (or girlfriend) and parents, siblings and other FB friends. Also expose to your children over 4 years of age (you can do it appropriately but DO tell them the truth about their lives).

Are you certain that you WANT a divorce? If not, then perhaps your time today may be better spent on exposure rather than seeing your attorney.

Same with seeing a therapist. Most counselors have no experience with saving marriages (even marriage counselors!). Unless you are wishing to have help hashing out whether you want a divorce or not, your time will be better spent on exposure.

If you DO want to save your marriage, then you are going to want to get your wife back home ASAP so that you can begin Plan A straight away. You need to show your wife that you care and that you will FIGHT for her. A man has to "win" a woman back, even in light of what she has put you through.

Read up on Plan A here ---> The Carrot and Stick of Plan A

You've got lots of reading to do, and fast. Time is of the essence right now. Get that exposure done today! And if you do want to fight for your M, read about Plan A, read up on LoveBusters and be sure that you have zero of them.

NIM, I am so sorry you have found this. Please come here when you have calmed down and let us help you navigate this difficult time. Your marriage is very salvageable and we can help you through those steps.

I am so blessed to have amazing family and friends to comfort me. Last night was a rough night. Hours of tears, little sleep, and time spent wondering what evil causes a women who has EVERYTHING to stray and totally destroy a family. I'm not so sure I want to reconcile. This is the 2nd time. The first time occurred in the first few year of marriage.It was an EA with some physical contact but no sex. I quickly forgave. This one is off the charts worse. She told me last night she think she still loves him. I am not a plan B and refuse to treated as such. Not after the sacrifices I made for her happiness. (Which apparently failed)

Nim,

No one would blame you if you want to divorce. That is your right.

However, since you have children together, I would encourage you to attempt a recovery. It is best for them. Divorce can also be very hard on a man.

You never recovered from her first affair because you had no plan to follow. Marriage Builders offers such a plan. Not only would it make your marriage affair proof, but you would also have a romantic, loving marriage that is much better than anything you had before.

We will support you either way.

God bless you, NIM. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

One suggestion Dr. Harley frequently makes to a betrayed spouse is to visit your doctor and ask him to prescribe some short term antidepressants. They will help you to hold yourself together long enough to do what you need to do and make decisions that aren't overwhelmed with emotion. Dr. Harley usually recommends Wellbutrin as having minimal side effects.

I'm seeing a therapist today. I might need that or prescription sleep aide