|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25 |
WH left me 18 mths ago; affair...But hes interjecting some thoughts...Where should I be in these forums? Thank you
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
You are in the correct forum! Welcome...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
WH left me 18 mths ago; affair...But hes interjecting some thoughts...Where should I be in these forums? Thank you Welcome. Have you read this? SAA-Start Here First
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25 |
OK so I don't know exactly what Im hoping to find here...Heres goes..
WAS married for 25 years. WH had several 1 nite stands, 2 affairs and the one he left me for 18 mths ago.
I guess what Im looking for is help in interpreting his words.
We had not seen each other or talked since he left.
Last year he started texting me little inuendos that I did not entertain as I had decided he would have to not live with OW before I talked to him about anything important. When I explained that he or maybe the OW blocked me; email, text...
In March I bought the house in my own name...There were MANY stumbling blocks...Then all of a sudden BOOM call after call after call and when I didn't answer a PLEASE call me from WH.
I called. I could tell his words were from the gut but didn't hold any water with me. They were..Im so very sorry for everything I have ever done to you, I don't sleep thinking of everything, theres still something there, I will do whatever to help...
After that again with the little texts that you don't have to be a genius to figure out what he was saying...Again I didn't entertain...
Then I found out some garbage the OW said to our daughter and I lost it in a text. Next thing I get a text STAY OUT OF MY LIFE IM DONE WITH YOU. Well I know da$# well that wasn't him.
So after that have heard nothing,,,Just a couple quips.
THEN...AGAIN BOOM...He drives by house while we are outside...I expected him not to stop but he does...COmments on the house paint looking good and ...Anyway...I walked away she chatted...He said cant believe mom just walked away.
Then my daughter says...Mom his hearts not with her but if you don't change your attitude hes never gonna come back...So I explain the he has to leave the OW and she said you know he wont do that if he cant have you...
Again, don't know what Im looking for here but any comments?
Thank you
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Again, don't know what Im looking for here but any comments? It sounds to me like he gets bored and starts looking for new action. So he is just doing to this current OW what he has done to you for 25 years. You are a potential option for him, one of many. I would go into an air-tight Plan B, file for divorce and if he makes a miraculous and radical 180 degree change in the time it takes to finalize a divorce,[unlikely] you could consider taking him back. The problem with your husband is that he is a serial cheater so this is a way of life with him. It is very unlikely he will change in the future. Sometimes divorce is the definition of success and I feel this is true here. Sorry. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
Who is the OW? He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Are you divorced? Is he still with OW?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25 |
OW is his usual suspect BARFLY...MANY previous marriages and "realtionships" lasting less than 3 yrs ea except for 1st marriage...Yes, he is still with it...
He left on a Monday...I filed on Wed....Divorce final 45 days later; Dec 2012
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
OW is his usual suspect BARFLY...MANY previous marriages and "realtionships" lasting less than 3 yrs ea except for 1st marriage...Yes, he is still with it...
He left on a Monday...I filed on Wed....Divorce final 45 days later; Dec 2012 So if he is still with her and trying to talk to you on the side he is repeating everything he did to you your whole marriage. Do you really want to go back to that? You must look at his actions. His words mean nothing. They are just that, words. Why not go complete no contact with him and keep working on your self healing? You deserve so much better.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25 |
That's what I am really trying to do...Forgot to add...He told someone when he got into this he was "WASTED"...Forgot hes a alcoholic as part of the intro to you...A lot less drinking now. Yes, it is a cake thing...
Prob is I do love him....
But I know you are right
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
That's what I am really trying to do...Forgot to add...He told someone when he got into this he was "WASTED"...Forgot hes a alcoholic as part of the intro to you...A lot less drinking now. Yes, it is a cake thing...
Prob is I do love him....
But I know you are right Did you ever properly expose any of his affairs? Have you read any of Dr. Harley's material on alcoholics? What does your DD18 think of her dad's affair? Have you ever had anytime without contact from him?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25 |
Yes. ALL exposed properly.
Yes. Read on Drs material.
Daughter upset but says hed be back if I would calm down...
Yes. No contact at all for 9 months.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I'm really concerned that your daughter has gotten this idea that you have to compete with and vie for a man's love.
That attitude isn't going to work out well for her.
If you show her how much happier you are with a dark Plan B, she will get it - hold out for Mr Good Guy!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
If my Dad had cheated on my mother so repeatedly and so unremorsefully - he would be dead to me!!!!
Sending you 'innuendo' texts is an insulting way of treating you.
Last edited by indiegirl; 07/16/14 11:32 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
Yes. ALL exposed properly.
Yes. Read on Drs material.
Daughter upset but says hed be back if I would calm down...
Yes. No contact at all for 9 months. Do you want to be back with him? Did you ever give him a path back to you? A list of conditions, that if he should meet you would consider taking him back? Have you dated since your divorce? Your DD18 is okay with you going back to him when he's abused you so bad? An affair is horrible abuse.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
Please read this and listen to the clips and tell me which one you think your WXH is. Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25 |
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Wants her family back.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He left on a Monday...I filed on Wed....Divorce final 45 days later; Dec 2012 Success!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Daughter upset but says hed be back if I would calm down... That is an odd reaction. Does she know why you are divorced? Does she know the history of his affairs?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 25 |
Yes she does. Says it was both our faults.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
What conditions did you give him? Has he met any of them?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
365
guests, and
78
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
