OK thanks mrEureka. I am also making my way through the B, R & F very long discussion thread. I saw a couple of examples on there that were more helpful to me.

The important thing to remember about POJA is that you both need to be enthusiastic in your decisions. When you are in love, it is easy to let your Giver agree to sacrifice solutions. I have been married for over 30 years, and I still have problems with this. I even had a discussion with Dr. Harley on the radio show about it back in late Oct 2012. The links to that program are here:

Radio clip on Mr. and Mrs. Eureka's call
Segment #2
Segment #3

The POJA part is in the second half of our call, but the entire call is a good listen!

I learned something from each of the three segments. Thanks!

Not sure if this is POJA issue but it occurred to me that I really enjoy talking about relationships, whether my own or just in general (such as MB concepts) and he doesn't. So since he is not enthusiastic about engaging in this type of conversation, that means we don't do it? Or, because it is important for our long term happiness, we do? Or, and I'm thinking this is getting close... we figure out how we could talk about it in a way that he would enjoy it. As was said on the 3rd segment of your radio clip, it's not good to pick and choose your battles/what you express your feelings about.

Havana,

You wrote: a few flirtatious texts between BF and a female friend of his who is going through a divorce when BF asked me to check his phone for something....she has a boyfriend, he was not intentionally flirting with her, etc...They have met for drinks twice in 6 weeks at her invitation.

So this woman is still married and has a boyfriend? Does not sound like your boyfriend understands the danger here, or your boyfriend senses she is easy because of her circumstances. Your radar is going off for good reasons.

Would you meet with some guy for drinks when you are in a committed relationship?

God Bless
Gamma

It is common for men to not like to talk about relationship issues. Dr. Harley designed the Marriage Builders website mainly for men, because getting the man onboard is often the greater part of the battle.

When it comes to introducing MB principles, I suggest leading by example. He will have a greater willingness to talk to you about these things when it becomes apparent to him that he has something to gain by doing so.

It would be a great idea for you to listen to the radio program every day. It can be accessed from the homepage at www.marriagebuilders.com, as well as from your smartphone using the free MB Radio app.

Thanks for your post Gamma.

I am not sure if it was on this site or somewhere else, but I read a thread about whether someone can be friends with a someone of the opposite sex. There seemed to be a big split. A lot of people say it's not possible to be just friends, others say it is. In answer to your question, yes I would but as long as there are boundaries. I have a male friend who I have met for dinner every 6 months or so. Some dinners were as 2 couples, some were not if our SO was not available. I always told my BF about it and nothing was ever said I wouldn't want BF to hear.

Divorces can take a year to become final, sometimes after a long separation. Some people do not think you should date during this time, others do.

This finally came up last night when I had a chance to talk to BF about this friend. He brought it up and said he looked back over the texts and saw why I was upset and agreed completely. I explained why there was danger, why I was uncomfortable with this OS friend but not others, what boundaries were crossed. He would like for me to become friends with this woman--their kids are friends, go to the same pool and school. I said the friendship can continue in a group setting but not one on one.

Here's a good article about opposite sex friendships.
The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage

Many of Dr. Harley's opinions are controversial. If you go opinion shopping, you are going to find lots of other ones. Many of us here have endured disasters that started as opposite sex friendships and went on to affairs. In my marriage, we would never take that chance again. Accepting an opposite-sex friendship is playing with fire. That is all there is to that.