G2B nailed it, she is in withdrawl. Keep Plan A going and snooping.

It will be the hardest thing you will ever do, it will be a roller coaster of emotions. Your wife needs you to be strong and lead her out of this mess.

Yes, Dr. Harley often recommends ADs during Plan A, because it's so hard on the betrayed spouse. It doesn't have to be forever, but they can be very helpful. He recommends asking your doctor about Wellbutrin, to start with, because it has the fewest side effects.

The way to get her on board is to expose the affair. That subject seems to have fallen to the wayside but that is your best hope. She is checked out of your marriage because she is checked IN elsewhere. Unless you kill that affair and wake her up from her fog, she is not coming back to the marriage.

Exposure lifts the fog and motivates the spouse to work on the marriage. It is like bringing in a crowd of onlookers to the crack house to watch the crack heads get high. It ruins the high! WEll, your wife will remain in the fog until you get this out in the open and truly kill the affair.

here

I'm glad LWFH got back to you. In addition to her advice, here is a good read.

What is Plan A and Plan B?

Melody, do I still expose if she hasn't contacted OM in 3 weeks? I feel like she is in a serious state of withdrawal right now and maybe she needs to work her way through it. I've been avoiding love busters like crazy. She actually invited me somewhere a few days ago for the first time in 5 months (which I saw as a positive sign), however she still shows no affection, the conversation was very awkward and she does not meet any of my emotional needs. How long does withdrawal last?

Is it ok to tell her I love her in Plan A? Or should I assume she knows that already?

Sorry for all the questions. I ordered Surviving An Affair on Amazon and it should be in next week.

Yes. If you are interested in saving your marriage, you need to expose it. That is your best chance.


Yes, you can tell her, but I would focus mainly on being as pleasant as possible.

Is there a reason why you haven't followed the advice to expose?

I'm trying to gather more concrete evidence - enough to convince a jury as Dr. Harley recommends.

How do you know about the affair if you have no evidence?

And how are you going to get the evidence if the affair has ended, as you said? Is there other evidence you know about? I just don't understand how you know there has been an affair if there is no evidence?

I have some evidence but not enough to convince a jury at this point. My evidence combined with her actions forms a strong case in my mind, but I don't know if others would believe me. That's why I want something more concrete.

I don't know for sure if the affair has ended - it's possible it could have been taken underground.

So she denies the affair? What is your evidence?

You know that they were meeting every couple of weeks? You know this how? That sounds like you have the evidence?

Melody, can you email me please? ***EDIT***

I have an exposure question for you that I cannot ask on this forum right now.

Why don't you email Dr. Harley?

What's his email address?

Update: so last week I exposed to WW's parents, her brother, and some mutual friends. It did not have the impact I expected. Her parents (who I have a great relationship with) basically told me that they were shocked she was unfaithful and they disapprove of what she is doing/has done, but they cannot force her to make a decision on this. They think she's making a horrible mistake and that she would regret is someday. I asked them for their support to at least tell her they disapprove and they said they would, but I kind of got the impression they were standing by their daughter. From her brother, I basically got "yeah, she was wrong to cheat but what does it matter, your M was doomed anyways". One of our mutual friends is being very supportive but they are kind of a non-confrontational person so I don't think they are going to say anything to her about it. Our other mutual friend thinks she has "checked out" and it's too late and I should "let her go". Another mutual friend says she's acting crazy and making a horrible decision but again I doubt they'll say anything to her. After I exposed I got several calls from W asking if I was going to talk to or call anyone else and then she asked if she needed to warn anybody that I was stopping by or calling. She said we cannot be in the same house because "everyone" I talked to said she should be scared of what I might do. I think she's b*llsh*i*ting me because I approached them all from a concerned spouse point of view and not a crazy spouse point of view.

My wife is still going forward with the D. She filed last week. We just had a big argument over the phone because she thinks one of us should move out of the house until the D is over. She keeps saying she's scared of the way I'm acting (i.e. calling and visiting people to expose). I've given her no reason to be scared of me. I think people are telling her they are worried about me, which is understandable considering the circumstances and she's taking that to mean I might do something stupid. She said she's not even mad that I talked to people which is not a good thing from what I've been reading. If she's not mad that I exposed, what chance do I have? I think she's done, checked out for good and checked in somewhere else. I'm distraught and feel like I'm out of options and frankly I'm tired of fighting. At this point, I'm starting to question why I would want W in my life anymore, when she's treating me like dirt. Need some encouragement and advice please. OM is not married. Is there anything else I can do?

Nonsense.
My wife also told me that I was crazy and needed to see a psychiatrist when I exposed; and that all of the exposure contacts were mad that I contacted them.

Just ignore her nonsense and kindly respond: "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must first end your affair."

Sir, if she wasnt mad she wouldnt be telling everyone and herself that you are crazy for simply bringing their affair into the light of day.

Do not leave the home.
Do not argue with her; if needed walk away instead of argue.

As for anything else, make sure you have posted OM on www.cheaterville.com and send links to all of his friends and family.