Surely this is your daughters wishful thinking, because no one here told her that. Plan A should only last 3 to 4 weeks.

Who told her this?

I think your daughter is using Steve's request to speak to the WS as an excuse to do nothing. He has refused to speak to Steve so the reasons for waiting are eliminated.

That is so sad, Melody. I couldn't agree with you more.
But this is the current issue: DD packed his bags and asked him not to come back. She made appt. to file legal separation. The day he returned from out-of-town trip, he suddenly got scared of losing her even though he's been asking for a divorce for months and carrying on blatant affair. She's taking him at his word. Canceled appt. And I guess thinks they can manage recovery on their own since he refuses to talk with Dr. S.H.

I will, BrainHurts.

Just as I thought. She REFUSES to follow Marriage Builders principles. Well, there is nothing we can do for her. I read her old thread and she ignored all of the advice we gave her.

Even so, she has no reason to avoid exposure. Exposure is part of Plan A. But I don't think she will do anything to help herself, will she?

I am sorry that you, as her mother, have to sit by and watch her destroy her family.

If you would, tell her the longer she enables the affair by keeping it a secret, the more entrenched it will become. She has enabled this affair for a very long time.

Yes, Melody. I have been responding, but more importantly listening so I can reinforce my DD to move ahead. I have been pushing for Plan B for some time.

If I were you, I would launch the exposure nuke since your daughter seems to not want to help herself. This would do more to help them than anything. When your daughter posted she had not even exposed to the OW's husband.

You could also call up the OW's parents and the WS's parents and make your case. WE have had many affairs ruined by a parents interference.

Sure. He did not tell her that they would not enact Plan B but it was delayed. The week before she was to go on her extended 3 week vacation with the kids, I assisted her to get all organized to enact Plan B as she thought she would go dark during this time away. We planned to expose as well. But then She spoke with Dr. S.H. and he wanted her to get WH to speak with him. He gave her clear cut strategies to "ask" WH. Well, a week went by, two weeks went by, three weeks go by, WH always refusing to speak with him. Keep in mind, she had been doing Plan A since April already. On this last Friday before she came home, they finally discussed getting WH out of the house and soon after enacting Plan B. Perhaps his strategy was that she was already removed from WH by being away on vacation, so in that sense she was protected.

I read through your daughters thread and she seems paralyzed against action.
I would post the OW and WH on www.cheaterville.com with a factual, detailed report of their affair (this takes about 12 hours to appear online) and then do the full exposure.

As Melody suggested, you may need to do this since your daughter is unable or unwilling to.

So the reason for the delay has been removed since her WS will not speak to Steve.


And who is the they in this scenario? So since her WS will not speak to Steve, then recovery is out of the question. Is she now going forward with Plan B?

I am thoroughly confused.

No, it doesn't contradict what I said. I'm saying that she has been in Plan A since April when coached by a 3rd party familiar with MB concepts. When she finally spoke to Dr. S. H. in late June for the first time, I assume she told him that she has been in Plan A all that time.
He suggested lets get WH to talk with me before going to Plan B but said be prepared to go to Plan B quickly. Trying to get WH to talk with him didn't work over a three week period, hence the delay in going to Plan B.

ok, gotcha! So the reasons for the delay are now removed, correct?

It doesn't sound like the 3rd party was familiar with Marriage Builders concepts. Was this a friend?

Wallflower I am CONVINCED that your daughter has been less than honest with you.

Remember that she kept the affair a secret from you initially in the hope it 'would all just go away' with non-action.

Her thread too is riddled with dishonesty and panic. You can hear the 'yes I will lie and said I did that, just GET to the part where you tell him how to make him love me'.

I don't think there is an MBer friend and I don't think SH asked her to delay anything. He could have, but her secretiveness, paralysing fear and the way she sways from 'ready to expose' to 'not ready to expose' and from 'pack your bags buddy' to 'yes I will accept crumbs' makes me think this is a plan of her own design driven by rabbit in the headlights panic.

If she won't go Plan B right now extract a promise from her that she will when contact between the APs resumes. She thinks it won't but it surely will.

Unless exposure busts it up.

A 3rd party familiar with MB concepts. Not someone from this forum. At that time I didn't know about the affair. When I found out about the affair, I began researching this site immediately as I knew what she was telling me couldn't be right.

When something doesn't add up, it generally isn't true.

She found this site and seized on the idea of Plan A with no bite, as so many poor scared souls do.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make this confusing. It all didn't mesh in my own head. Maybe that's why it is all confusing because it contradicts what is recommended on the forum.
"They" is Steve and DD.

Melody, that's the conundrum. Without WH speaking with Steve, I think recovery is out of the question. The problem is convincing her. WH said he wants to work on the marriage now. This is the first day he found his belongings somewhere else and DD wanted him out of the house. She seems to take him at his word. Therefore she canceled the mtg with lawyer this morning. She never enacted Plan B.

The reasons for delay are removed. WH won't talk with Steve.

An church friend active in marriage enrichment programs.

Did he end his affair? Commit to the program?

This just happened last night. I guess now he says he's going to end it but If or How are yet to be determined. I don't know what action steps they took today. I'm sure she's exhausted. He kept her up until 3-4AM last night!

She asked him to read the MB books, but he still won't talk with Steve or any other counselor. DD told him that all contact must end with OW. DD hasn't had time to hammer out all the EP's.