Can you be more specific black_raven? Because it's formatted like a contract? Should that be left out? What other wording is poor? Thx for your input.

"Yes, I realize 15 hours of UA is maintenance but wondering how they can get 20-25 with three young children if the children are not to be present. That's why: "15 hours minimum (Goal:20)""

But 15 hours will not suffice because 15 hrs is to MAINTAIN. There is nothing here to maintain. It takes 20-25 hrs per week to create romantic love. They should schedule their dates outside of the home and hire babysitters.

I would delete the part of the agreement that allows for overnight travel apart since that is taboo.

OK - 20-25 hours required even with young children.
Overnight travel - his work requires him to travel.

The way that "I", "you","we" is used...it is unclear who each of those parties are...they are even interchanged in various parts of the agreement. Then there is back in forth in using betrayed spouse, wayward spouse vs "I", "you" and "we" again.

I understand who is who and your intention but giving that to a WS who will cry they weren't clear who you meant, etc...I can see that happening. I am not sure why the EP list was drafted as a contract that the WS has to sign. I have never seen that done, requested, or suggested.

Don't get lost in form over substance though either.

I have only spoken directly with WH's Sister. Yes, she knows the full extent of the situation including who, how long, etc. MY DD has actually kept in close contact with her throughout.

While my DD has spoken to the other family members, I haven't yet.

Remember - that very night that he returned, she accepted him back into the home. I did not stay after that first night.

Why not help them with some babysitting?

It is more important for that baby's parents to have a recovered marriage than it is for that baby to continue exclusive nursing.

He will either need a new job, or she will need to travel with him. No exceptions.

Is it better to keep his FB account open for snooping purposes? I wonder if he is asked to delete it, if he is more likely to go underground and create another one with a fictitious profile. I imagine with all of these EP's, he is more likely to go underground because now he's feeling the bite and the risk.

Yes I remember she let him come in the house but wasn't sure if you stayed beyond that night or if he has left again.

Him being there greatly concerns me given her inaction.

Once you have made the changes others suggested, if you repost it again I will tweek the format for you...and then repost it.

He could still create a fake acct, WF. He could break every EP on that list. Everything is going to depend on DD enforcing EPs.

Delete fb

Delete Facebook AND keep snooping.

Monitor the computer, phone, devices, etc., to make sure facebook isn't being used at all.

You don't need an account on FB to keep tabs on him. She needs to have spyware on his computer and phone in order to keep tabs on him.

is this better?

Extraordinary Precautions
- <<Insert name of WH>>, I am asking that you answer all of my specific questions about the affair until I am satisfied. For example: how did it start, when did you first realize you were falling for her, what attracted you to her, when and how did you meet or talk with one another, were the children ever present while you were alone together, how many times and when did you bring her into our home without my knowledge, etc.

- <<Insert name of WH>>,
I am asking that you have absolutely no contact with <<insert name of OW>> whatsoever; EVER. I am also asking that you not talk to her friends or family.

-<<Insert name of WH>>,
I am asking that a No Contact Letter be drafted, approved by me and delivered to <<insert name of OW>>. This has already been done. I am asking that you have no contact with her to say �I�m sorry� or try to explain yourself. All communication with her has ended.

- To protect my health and well-being, as well as yours, I am asking that you receive a full STD screening - sharing the results with me- before we engage in any sexual activity.

I am asking that we take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from <<insert name of OW>>:

1. I am asking that you block all potential communication with <<insert name of OW>>
- Block her number and her friends/family numbers from your phone. You must also change your phone number immediately. We will do this together.
- Block her from all personal email accounts as well as work email. You must also change your personal email address and work email address.
- Delete your Facebook profile and account.
- You will provide me with all passwords and user names to all social networking sites, email accounts, voice mail, and phone (personal & work) so that I may monitor all activity.

2. I am asking that you provide to me a specific daily account of your schedule and use our Google Family Calendar to post your whereabouts and with whom you will be, including phone numbers.
- You will use our google family calendar to plot out your specific daily schedule.

3. I am asking that you give me a complete account of our finances and explanation of all transactions.
- You will provide me with all usernames and passwords to all financial accounts.
- We will go to bank together to add my name to our Money Market account.
- You agree to provide full disclosure of any monies spent.

4. I am asking that we spend our leisure time together as follows:
- We will spend a minimum of 20 - 25 hours of undivided attention together each week doing things we both mutually find enjoyable. This time should be without the kids as much as possible. We will rely on family when we can or hire babysitters to ensure this time together.
- We will both fill out the Recreational Activity Preference WS on our own. After completely on our own, we will share our preferences and then use the items that we ranked as 2�s & 3�s to plan our time of undivided attention.
- We will use our Google Family Calendar to schedule our activities of undivided attention so that we have 20-25 hours planned each week.

5. I am asking that if it becomes an issue, you may have to change jobs and relocate if necessary.
- I don�t think this is currently necessary, but if OW shows up at work, it may become so.

6. I am asking that we avoid all overnight separation.
- If it is necessary, I am asking that you change positions within the company, if your current position requires you to travel overnight. If it can be arranged that I travel with you, then that may be an option on rare occasions.

7. I am asking for access to all of your electronics.
- You will provide me with all usernames and passwords to all forms of technology including but not limited to your phone, computer, Xbox, etc.

8. To remove any triggers for you and to protect my well-being, I am asking that we will ready our home for sale and put it on the market.

To safeguard our marriage:
- We agree not to discuss personal issues with �friends� of the opposite sex, especially marital issues.
- We will not spend time alone with �friends� of the opposite sex.

To Recover our marriage (these are not negotiable):
- You agree to follow all points of Extraordinary Precautions listed in this document and will sign your acknowledgement.
- We will be fully invested in the Marriage Builders Counseling with Dr. Steve Harley or at his suggestion participate in Marriage Builders Online Coaching Program. This is not negotiable.
- We agree to read all books and materials provided by Dr.s Steve & Bill Harley and complete all exercises.
- We will fill out the Emotional Needs Questionnaire and make it our top priority to meet each other�s top 5 emotional needs.
- We will adopt the following policies to recover and make our marriage better than ever:
- Policy of Radical Honesty
- Policy of Joint Agreement
- Policy of Undivided Attention

Signed ___________________________________________________ Date: _____________________________

I have to head out, WF, but get rid of "I am asking" and replace with "I require"

Will ck back later.

You are a good mom, WF. I hope you are feeling ok. Hugs to you.

Done!
Thank you, Black_Raven. I am devastated by this whole affair (no pun intended). Mind you, WH is part of our family too. We have loved him as one of our own. His betrayal cuts deep. And I can't begin to address the intolerable way he has treated my DD, much less his children. It's like I don't even know who he is.

It takes 20-25 hours per week to create romantic love in a marriage. And that is regardless of whether one has small kids or not. It is in the best interest of those kids to have parents who are in love in an in tact marriage.

He would have to get another job because his marriage will not survive overnight travel.

"5. I am asking that if it becomes an issue, you may have to change jobs and relocate if necessary.
- I don�t think this is currently necessary, but if OW shows up at work, it may become so."

This is a huge red flag. First off this is a non starter if he travels. And is there a reason the ow would show up at work?

I would also add that any UA time with kids is not UA time and will not count. Not because we are trying to meet a quota but because it will not work.

No, other than I wouldn't put anything past her. She has been hit blindly by the NC Letter when she was just with him a weekend ago. She's probably reeling and she is very jealous of him. (the nerve!) There is no association with work at all that I am aware of. I just put that in their as a precaution. Should it be taken out?
He currently does travel with work.