In addition to Jedi's great advice, I just want to remind you to wear a VAR on your person at all times.

Ditto to everything Jedi and Blindsighted wrote. Rinse and repeat the line that Jedi wrote about building a marriage together.

She is speaking from a script we hear time and again, the "safety card" is often played to force you out or get you in trouble. Usually this advice comes from the affair partner.

I hope you now see the importance of the widespread, fast exposure.
She gave you a clue, she wants to beat you to whoever you are telling next so she can play the "crazy card" or the "safety card" and spin the story.

Get to an attorney to protect your rights.
DO NOT MOVE OUT, but have that VAR with you at all times.

This is sound advice. Please follow it WW's ALWAYS pull the violent crazy card! They use sympathy and womanly charms to paint the BH as the devil and OM as a hero. This advice counteracts this. Be proactive not reactive.

How do I ignore her nonsense when she is serious about divorcing and has already filed the petition? Should I drag my feet as much as possible through the divorce process? She is insistent that she doesn't want to be married to me anymore, that I deserve someone who loves me, blah blah blah.

W and I got into another long discussion tonight about our relationship and she is continuing to insist that divorce is the only answer. She says it's too late to fix our marriage. When I ask her why she thinks it is too late, she simply says "because I don't want to be married to you anymore" which isn't a real reason in my opinion. She told me even if she could wave a magic wand and everything I'm saying about fixing our relationship could happen, she still wouldn't want to be married to me. She says even with everything at its best, it wasn't good enough - that fixing our relationship isn't going to happen because the person I am is not going to make her happy.

Is this just typical fog babble? Should I listen to any of it?

When she brings up divorce discussions, just say "My lawyer does the divorce talk but I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage"

If she starts to argue, offer her a glass of water or a cookie.

Sir, you shouldnt even talk with her about divorce.
You really need to be a parrot at this point: "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must first end your affair."

Part of Plan A is no relationship talk, no i love you's, no being pathetic. Just be a charming husband, father, etc.
Jedi has given you all the lines you need, (divorce is for the lawyers, i am will to work on the marriage....

If you find yourself in a fight or arguement, get out of it!!!!! Change the subject, offer a drink or food.

Yes you should drag your feet on the divorce if it is not what you want and are trying to Plan A. Let her do all the work on that.

You need to quit engaging in dialogue about the relationship, at this point it is a trap and nothing to be gained yet.

Easier said than done. Earlier she called me and only wanted to talk about what I need from her to make the D easier. I reiterated over and over "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must first end your affair" but she continued to say that she had no long term plans with OM and that our marriage was over. She does not want to work on our marriage. How do I counter that statement?

Regarding the exposure she actually used the line "Because you told everyone, any remaining chance of reconciliation that I had in me is now gone". Part of the script right?

I need advice on how to deflect divorce talk from her and something better than "would you like a cookie"? While funny, not very practical. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Just say "I am not interested in discussing divorce."

Every time I say this, she just continues with the divorce talk. She won't stop. She is a very stubborn woman by nature, so simply saying I don't want to talk about divorce is not going to work.

If I don't go along with her divorce plan, she is going to hire an attorney, which means I would have to hire an attorney (which neither of us can afford, but she's so much in the fog right now, she might just do it because she feels divorce is the only answer). I think she is serious about getting an attorney. When she threatened to file for divorce, I thought she was bluffing, but she actually did it, so I have no reason to believe she is bluffing this time.

I have been in Plan A for about 3 months now, and I honestly don't think I can be here much longer. The pain she is causing me is intense, compounded by the fact that she has filed and will probably get an attorney to finish the job.

I think Plan B is my next step because I am starting to lose love for my wife.

Any thoughts on whether or not I should enter Plan B? Other advice?

Yes it does work if you don't discuss it.. You can't be forced to discuss it against your will. Just say I am not interested in discussing divorce and don't discuss it.

Tell her to hire an attorney and have him contact you.


If you feel this way, there is no reason you can't go into Plan B. Do you know how to do it? Here is a good guide. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

Have you been served with divorce papers?

No, I haven't been served yet. I know she filed because I checked online. She said she didn't want to have me served so she is going to hand deliver the divorce petition to me along with a citation waiver form, which basically says I waive my right to be served.

Sir, my wife would disappear for hours or days and then reappear at 3 am in the morning and FORCE me to listen to her.
But, I did not engage in the conversation. I just kept repeating the same phrase.

You can always walk away from her if she refuses to stop talking about it; that is your right.
You dont need to engage her.