I would be interested in hearing your answer because if you were angry she probably saw it immediately. When my H is angry he may say nothing but his facial expressions and his "noises" tell the whole story. He would deny that was an angry outburst but it sure was!

I did listen to it

She would say that I responded in anger

Do you have that GSR meter yet? They sell them cheap on Amazon.

Great! Will you keep doing so?

They are not that cheap...Anyhow, I am going to work using the method outlined in Lovebusters book with the absence of the meter for now.

I intend to keep listening.

I think my wife is finally calming down, as she has started to speak to me.

Her main trigger was that my daughter showed her disrespect, and that I enable my daughter to do so. She feels that I overcompensate for the lack of attention at her mom's house, at the expense of her and my son.

I understand her point of view, but I do not necessarily agree. I think we need to POJA a solution somewhere in between, but I think for now I need to work on the aspects we agree on, and hope that improves the situation.

She has also mentioned that she is hurt by the fact that I do not help her out and that for the past 4 years I have not supported her, cared for her properly, and that she feels hurt and betrayed beyond belief.

1995, there is a very new article by Dr. Harley that probably speaks to this situation:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8122_Nagging.html

It's a lot cheaper than a divorce! I would start trying to save maybe $10 a week or more to get it as soon as possible.

I tried to work in the absence of the meter, too. In my experience, that was a bad idea. I'd say you need marital recovery sooner rather than later, and angry outbursts and learning to control your emotional responses is a crucial issue.

It's cheaper than "Super 8 Hotel Therapy," which is what markos had to go through before he got his anger under control.

You need the meter. You've been at it this long and haven't made much progress.

Guilty as charged!

On top of the money he had to scrounge up when he was kicked out just to have a bed to sleep in, he had to go ahead and get the meter anyway.

It is very essential that you learn to relax in the face of frustration. You have been here for over a year and a half. You don't have any more time to waste.

I think it is essential to realize that you have some very big problems that you need to solve very quickly - and change your focus from thinking that your wife is the problem. She may very well have some problems, but even if she did not, your anger problems would still preclude a happy marriage. And she has checked out and is not willing to make any effort because of your problems - and even if she did, it would make no difference.

To be fair, I have not really tried for a full year and a half. The cycle has consisted of us having a blowout fight where she lists off the things that make her want to leave me. Then I try for a week or two until she seems to forget and then I fall back into my old routine.

Over the weekend she has been wanting to spend time together again, and we have been talking. I have been focusing on meeting her needs of affection, conversation, domestic support, and family commitment. Based on her complaints, this is where I feel like my time is best spent.

I felt myself get angry a few times this weekend with my son, and once when I was out for a run because some guy was on his phone and almost mowed me down.

Each time I felt that surge of adrenaline, and the light went off in my head that "hey this is anger and it is not cool!" I stopped it in my tracks and responded calmly.

Thanks for the link. This article is pretty close to how we have evolved down the wrong path.

That is exactly my point. You have been wasting time for over a year doing exactly that. Don't waste any more time.

Couple of good days. My wife has made some commentary about how she isn't sure how much she loves me anymore because of how much I hurt her. However, she has been cuddling with me and letting me show affection.

Last few days she has been respectfully telling me when I do things she doesn't like. And I have focused on listening to her complaints and if my comments or actions are perceived as disrespectful or annoying that I need to accept that as fact and be more conscious at avoiding the behavior.

An example was she asked me if I wanted the leftover mac n cheese for lunch. It was a few days old and had been reheated once already, so I said "No, its about done." She told me she didn't think I needed to add the part about the food being done, that all I had to say was no.

I have been making sure that I pick up after myself and taking initiative to do household chores without being asked. One of her complaints has been that when I am sitting on the couch and she asks me to do something, that I say "sure, in a minute" and continue to sit there, play on my phone, watch TV, or whatever. This has been something I have to make a conscious effort to avoid doing.


Last night we got some UA time, and she told me that I was being a lot of fun, like I used to be. She looked very happy, and I had fun too. It gives me hope that I can still make her happy in the absence of love busters.

I have no doubt you can.

We have date night planned tonight, supposed to go to dinner then the shooting range. Its something she has mentioned a bit and she is excited about it. I am too!

But today we have a bit of a snag. We have been having issues with our cable/internet since we moved into this house in May. We have had no less than 5 inside techs and 3 outside ones and have not fix it yet. We had one lined up for today, an outside tech requiring nobody to be home.

So today she gets home from her run and the guy is standing on the porch. She calls me a few min later, tells me she got mad at him for bugging her. Said if nobody needed to be home why are you standing around.

He pokes around the line in the backyard a bit, then takes off. 15 min later the cable/internet goes out. She calls me to talk about other stuff, tells me its out. Then after a half hour, she calls the provider to complain.

Calls me back, mad because they didn't tell her that the cable would be out for part of the day, mad she can't do homework or watch TV. Tells me I need to call later and ask for them to reimburse us for the inconvenience. Mind you, I have already been granted a $100 credit and am not required to pay as long as the service is broke.

Half hour later she is sending me messages to tell me how angry she is that it is out. I really do not like when she gets like this, because I feel like she is getting mad at me, like it is my fault. And I do not like her demand, that I need to call and get a credit.

In the past, I will play it off as not a big deal, or tell her she is being unreasonable. But I know this is condescending and a major disrespectful judgment. So I held my tongue and just apologized and told her to just think about how much fun I am going to be later. But it really bothers me when she gets like this.

It makes more sense why she gets angry with me when I am rude and mean to salespeople or customer service reps that I find annoying.