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Joined: Aug 2014
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I tried to talk to him tonight and it was awful. He won't talk to me about anything until I "apologize profusely" for suggesting his mom can't be here every second that I am away, admit that I am a controlling b@$%*, and stop being one.
This is so hard because a) I don't think I did anything wrong and b) I think we need to put this specific issue aside and work on using POJA and how we talk about things with each other. But he won't even let me broach this topic without doing the stuff above.
I don't have any friends or family in the city we are in, I feel so alone right now.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Your husband is a bully and I would caution you against doing anything that would reward his bully behavior. Here is what Dr Harley would say about his actions: Isn't it interesting how someone can miss the point that mutual care in marriage is the only kind of care that makes sense? When your husband tells you that he wants you to care for him by suffering so he can have what he wants, he doesn't understand that this expectation means that he doesn't care about you. And that's the point. In other words, your husband does not care about your feelings.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2014
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Do you mean that I shouldn't apologize? I don't intend to apologize about this.
I agree, he doesn't care about my feelings or maybe, he selectively cares about them. I guess I can't really force him to care about my feelings, that sounds pretty grim.
Last edited by MichiganMom; 08/08/14 08:44 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Do you mean that I shouldn't apologize? I don't intend to apologize about this. Yes, that is exactly what I meant. I agree, he doesn't care about my feelings or maybe, he selectively cares about them. I guess I can't really force him to care about my feelings, that sounds pretty grim. That is a huge, huge problem, I am sure you realize. The problem is not the MIL but that your husband doesn't care about your feelings and won't make decisions that take your feelings into account.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 46
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I agree. My MIL is quite nice and reasonable. But, I do feel like he puts her before me which is probably why I feel the urge to control how much she is around. That's kind of an epiphany for me.
I'm not really sure what my next move is. Plan A for a month, then ask for him to learn POJA and if he doesn't, Plan B? For all I know he will be giving me the cold shoulder for the next month (since I won't be apologizing) so who knows if it will work.
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Joined: Aug 2014
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The nagging wife article is a good fit for our situation but I fear that reading it would just make him mad.
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