Hi everyone- we met with our counselor this week and I wanted to give an update. Perhaps there are other wives out there reading along in a similar situation, and can learn from my mistakes (or, maybe, success...)

There is quite a lot going on so I will focus on three things now and add to the story as we progress.

#1: Transparency. We already had this in place, which is how I found the images, but our counselor reminded us of its importance. We double-checked that we have each others' passwords for all accounts.

#2: Biweekly check-in talks. We will set aside 15 minutes every two weeks to focus on how our recovery is going. My husband is expected to be Open and Honest about his struggles and challenges he faces with this addiction. These talks are meant to be short and to the point, because ruminating on the problem all the time will work against building love.

#3: Have fun together! This is Dr. Harley's Policy of Undivided Attention, which we still keep in our schedules, but we are increasing the amount of time because we are now in "recovery" not maintenance.

I feel better now and I think my husband does too. Time will tell if these measures will work...

Thanks,
Saturn

Hope things continue to improve.

Depending on the age of your sons, your husband may be able to draw on his experience and provide guidance to them in avoiding porn.

That's an excellent point KeepLearning, very insightful. Thank you!!

I wanted to touch on the idea of "hard wiring". My husband is worried that he'll never be able to quit, because he is hard-wired this way. He points to our younger son, who is 8 but has been drawn like a magnet to pretty girls since he was a toddler. (It was cute, seeing him wander off in the Mall to follow a particularly stunning teenager, or to stare wide-eyed at a scantily dressed mannequin in the Vicoria's Secret window.) But it won't be cute if our son can't hold a marriage together and our grandchildren suffer.

I hope my husband will come to see that we are ALL hard-wired to be destructive, but it is our purpose in life to fight those impulses. Can we strive to be the best possible version of ourselves? Maybe we will fail, but if not then we might help our children have an easier fight with their own demons.

I am reminded of a quote about civilization that also applies here. Contentment, in marriage or in life, is but a thin veneer over the passions of our hearts. It doesn't just happen- we need to make it happen.

Thanks,
Saturn

OR, we can make our marriage the "passion of our heart." That is what we do around here.