Here's a new issue.
My ss is 18 and we've had on going issues with him. This past winter he lost his license, stole $600 from our account. Since he graduated he acts like our place is a hotel. He doesn't follow the law. Is driving a moped that isn't registered. I would like for him to move out. My husband has talked to him, and SS replies, why? Why do I have to, I can do whatever I want, I'm 18. Like I said I'd like for him to move out. Husband won't kick him out. What do you suggest? Policy of joint agreement is a great idea, but being a step parent, and second wife, I don't have any say.

lovechickens, are you using the program? The goal of the forum is to help posters gain the skills to resolve their problems, not to resolve each and every problem for them. Dr Harley gave you advice in resolving one tough issue, but it is important to use the concepts in your marriage.


Not sure where you got this idea because that is not a MB position.

Do you have the book "He Wins, She Wins" ?

Also, "His Needs Her Needs for Parents" is a GREAT resource for step families.

I have the audio of he wins she wins and I listened to it last spring.

I haven't read us needs her needs for parents. Why is it a good resource for step parents?

Big problem here I'm on board but a marriage takes two. How do you get hubby on board?

You have to set your own boundaries. It sounds like you agreed to a marriage where you have no say. So you got one!

Go to your H and say you will remain his wife, but only with an equal say. No equal say = no more wife.

Change your position of what you will/won't accept. If your H is OK with you being in an unhappy living situation and being sidelined, he is OK with hurting you. That's not a marriage. Marriage provides extraordinary care.

You wouldn't have to trigger a divorce or anything straight away. You could spend some months filling his love bank using Plan A. The more in love your H feels, the more your heartaches feel like his own.

You could also move out, avoiding SS but continue to date your H. This way you represent all the fun in H's life while SS continues to represent all the trouble. You could also dispense entirely with nagging and just enjoy yourself. Separation is risky, but Dr H sometimes advises it with step parents who have a very troublesome child at home.

However the key word is child. Since your SS is an adult you would expect your H to simply let him stand or fall on his own feet and prioritise the marriage.

HNHN for parents tackles the issue of PoJA in step families.