I married and made out with a married man and I'm all messed up about it. Please no editorial comments about how horrible I am because I am not. My husband doesn't show any intimacy. We have sex maybe once a month. Maybe once every 2 weeks but I'm am pretty much begging. I talk to him about it and he doesn't seem to care. So a guy I used to know from mutual friends started texting me. Very innocent. Through out the months he would slowly start complimenting me etc. Then it started to get sexual. I held back but he broke me down and I started to tell him about my husband and the issues we have. He started saying we should have sex and I need real man to satisify me. I never thought it would turn me on but it did. I told him i couldn't sleep with him. Finally after a few months we met up and made out. Nothing but kissing. Now he continues to text me but there is no more sexual joking and he says he hopes I find someone to fulfill my needs but he has to stop so he can be a good spouse and father to his son. What did I do to turn him off? Maybe I'm ugly, too fat. It had been a few years since we saw each other except for pics. I really feel guilty and don't think I would do it again but it bothers me that he just doesn't even seem phased by it like it was nothing and now it's done. He said he never cheated but the way he kissed me seemed like he knew every way to make me melt. He is young also, only 30 and I'm a little older. Now I'm all messed up and he seems to be fine. I take it so personally. If he was attracted to me wouldn't he be trying to suck me in again? Is he really feeling remorse, is he an avid cheater, is he playing games, or was I just not attractive enough for him? I have a lot of guilt but I guess my ego hurts also and the fact that I can't get his aggressive kisses out of head. Why continue to even text me now?

Adrianne,

The OM is nothing special he is following a script, and he has done this to a number of women. The script the OM follows is to make women believe that he loves them and cares about them when in fact the OM is a self-centered egotist It's similar to what pimps do get women addicted to them and then abuse them emotionally and physically.

Do this OMs poor betrayed wife a favor and forward all the texts to her, before the OM gives her an STD. If OM is a coworker report him to management.

Then do yourself a favor and confess to your BH, cheating never helps a marriage, and you need to come clean.

God Bless
Gamma

You really think this guy was just manipulating me? I thought so but was intreged. Something so against my morals also. We did nothing but make out. I know it's still cheating but I'm glad it didn't go any further. Still can't stop thinking about it though.

Adrian,

You wrote, You really think this guy was just manipulating me? I thought so but was intreged. Something so against my morals also. We did nothing but make out. I know it's still cheating but I'm glad it didn't go any further. Still can't stop thinking about it though.

The making out was only the small tip of a huge emotional iceberg, you allowed this man to meet your emotional needs for a long time replacing your Husband. And he is still meeting your emotional needs. This is why you need to confess to your husband you can't go on being dishonest like this for the rest of your life.

It's inaccurate to say the infidelity was a one time thing.

And OM like that will often pick difficult and moral women because they are more of a challenge and less likely to talk.

God Bless
Gamma

Adrian, you seem to be very focused on why he is texting you instead of the real problem. The real problem is that you betrayed your husband and your marriage is a wreck. The first step in resolving this problem is to tell your husband the truth so he can run this loser off and tell his wife what you have done to her. That is the only way you re-gain your integrity and self respect. And it is the only way you can solve the problems in your marriage.

This is vital information about your husbands life that he has a right to have. Please go tell him the truth and make a commitment to end all contact with this dirtbag.

The only questions you are asking this board are concerning why your OM is no longer interested in you.

You realize you are posting on a MARRIAGE BUILDING site, and not a support group for affairs, right?

This. She is so fogged out she doesn't even realize the immense crime she is commiting towards her husband. She is wondering why the OM stopped talking to her because she wouldn't give it up.

Newsflash - You got played and the OM is a dirtbag loser. Get as far away from him as you can. Apologize to your H and spend the rest of your life making it up to him (if he even gives you the chance, because honestly you aren't entitled one its upto your BH if want to give one to you).

I have tried everything with my husband and he just doesn't care about me. So you think this guy played me and got weird because I didn't sleep with him?

If you are here for advice it will ONLY be advice on how to fix your marriage, not how to continue your affair with your OM.

You should not even be worrying about the OM at all and tell your husband what you did.

Yes he was just playing you. He's probably done this to many women. He has moved on to his next affair.

When are you going to do the right thing and tell your BH and the betrayed wife of the OM?

When people say they have tried everything, what that usually means is that they only tried what they knew at that time.

Have you read through this entire forums articles to begin to appreciate and understand the entire dynamics of relationships and The Love Bank?

If you find the compassion to finally be honest about what you did and tell your Husband the entire truth, without blaming, rationalizing or minimizing the extent of your affair, he may show that he values you and your marriage ss much more than you knew, which is a true relationship versus your fantasy knight in shining armour.

Practice here what you need to tell him and pick a day this week to have that talk with him.

No one here gives two cents about some other POSOM who played around with a married woman. Have enough respect for yourself to do the right thing.

Any problems you feel you have in your marriage are very solvable using the Marriage Builders concepts.

LTL

If this is true, why don't you tell him what you did? If he doesn't care about you, then why would you need to hide this from him?

Also, if you have really tried *everything* that would indicate that YOU care enough about your husband to put the effort in to fix your marriage. But, having an affair and being deceitful is definitely NOT showing care. Which is it then? Do you care enough about your husband to put real effort in? If so, MB can help with that. Or do you want to continue down the deceitful and immoral path?

Strange that you found this site, with a host of resources on how to build a great marriage, NOT while you were busy doing *everything* to fix your marriage. You found it instead while you were busy doing *everything* to gain some insight into why your OM dumped you.

Come clean with your husband and tell him everything, not the least of which is why some guy you made out with is texting him now.

You say you have "tried everything" with your husband. Will he talk to you? Have you tried spending 15 hours a week for 3 years meeting his most important emotional needs?

Please read and familiarize yourself with Dr. Harley's basic concepts about building a successful marriage before giving up on your husband and/or caring about what some other guy who briefly met your own emotional needs thinks about you.

Our time and efforts to answer your posts here will focus on saving your marriage. If you don't care about your marriage or your husband's feelings, don't waste our time.

You are in the wrong place. Not a lot of sympathy here. He tried it and didn't like it. He's gone. You need to fix your marriage not fantasize about a guy who doesn't provide ANY of your emotional needs.

No offense, adrian, but I am a first time cheater, and also with just a kiss. But a kiss isn't just a kiss. It's betrayal, deception, and lies. I am devastated I hurt my husband, and you are concerned with why your lover is no longer pursuing you? I'm not trying to be rude, but my advice? Get your head on and priorities straight. I just quit my job, which I didn't need to do given our current financial situation, but my husband is more important to me than some young buck that happened to push my buttons the right way. Sorry, but that's just how I feel. Worry about your life with your spouse