Just wanted to share that I found HNHN in spanish!! I'm thrilled, and I'm even more thrilled that H is thrilled as well.

I heard Dr Harley say on the radio a couple of days ago that most of his books were available in Spanish, just not in the USA.

In Mexico I only founf HNHN in spanish, I'm looking for the rest.

I have tried amazon in chile and other international sites, but I have not found others.

This is the end to the first week of summer camp, that means, we have more than 15 hours of UA time already!!

The first day was kind of weird. Our dates are no longer than 3 hours, and I didn't know what to do for four hours!! The first day we sat down and planned for the week.

We are jogging in the morning, come home shower together. Go out to run some errands and finally have lunch together. Four hours every week day!! Nice! But I can keep up with the questions from people about why we have the little one at daycare if I'm home.

H is still lacking expressions of affection. I have complained about this several times, but he seems to forget a few days after I complain. I feel like I'm nagging him, good timing for the new article!! Ha
We are working on this one.

He is being having health problems. Last week we only managed to get 2 hours of UA, he was in bed almost all week long. This year has been particularly bad health wise. I wonder if it has something to do with the guilt he feels about the A.

That's good that you can keep up with their questions, because your marriage being strong is what makes good parents.

What do you tell them as your reason?

Keep up that UA time.

You could tell them that you are having hot dates with your husband. THAT will make them drool!

You could tell them that you are having hot dates with your husband. THAT will make them both drool and stop asking!

Yes Alada, that is some awesome UA time! Doesn't it make ALL the difference in the world? Good for you and your H that you both are putting your M first!

So what kind of great RC have you two had with all of this extra time?

Yep, love the hot dates answer that AM gave!

As for asking for affection� I dunno, someone correct me if I'm wrong, but we need to keep complaining as well as continue with the "I liked it when���.".

They NEED that info about us in order to see things from our perspective too (like Dr. and Joyce say�he sees the mountains and we see the ocean). That's how we know that they are really IN this�because they keep trying, even if they miss the mark. They adjust to our info, kwim?

I'm back to work today, we spent a lot of time looking for jobs elsewhere. We had no luck yet but we had a system set up for the job hunt. We talked about moving out of the country.

We had tons of UA time, around 26+ hours each week!! It definitely makes the difference!! H is now doing more of the affection thing, which I love and gives him enormous LB$

The weekends are usually hard on terms of UA, and I did notice that I felt "different" on a monday. I guess we are still highly dependent on our UA time. I have also seen people comment on other threads about the necessity of keeping UA time up all the time, even people with 5+ years of recovery. Does this UA dependence stay with us all the time? I'm just wondering,not that I plan on dropping our UA time at all, just curious. For instance, marriages like the Harleys, do they "need" to keep their UA time in order to keep their LB$ above the romantic treshhold?

Yes! Without it, you will not be in love. The reason the Harleys have stayed in love all this time is because of their UA time.

This is sooooo wonderful to read! YAYYYY to you and your husband!

Here's a good thread with clips about this.
Critical Importance of Undivided Attention

To me, it is strange that you refer to time together as "UA dependence". For H and me, our best times ever are the times we spend together. I would rather do almost anything with H than something alone or with anyone else.

AM

Alada, your verbiage is very confusing. The 15 hours of UA time is what couples who are in love spend together. Do you want to be in love? It is the bare minimum requiremnt to maintain the love in a marriage. So you will be "dependent" on it for as long as you want to have a marriage.

My H and I have been in recovery now for 13 years and we won't sacrifice our UA time for other, less important things. It is our most enjoyable time.


YES. They like being married and they like being together so they "need" to be together as much as possible. They probably spend 25+ hours together of UA time.

Alada, I think you see it as drudgery now because you don't enjoy it...YET. When your marriage changes, you won't see it like that. You will be saying: "do I really NEED to go to this event.." or other much less important, enjoyable thing. My husband and I decline so many social events because we would rather be together alone. We ask: do we really need to go to this?? Usually the answer is no.

I'm sorry about the confussion, please remember, english is not my first language.

I'm going to try to be clear. My questions it is regarding the effect of missing a few hours some weeks.

A few months ago H got sick, he had a migraine for three days one week, and the next week he was sick again, in bed. Those two weeks we barely got 10 hours.

This week, my parents, who are usually our helpers with the kids are out of town. Our nanny missed one day because she had an emergency. We only have one nanny right now, because the second one we had was not reliable.

So here, we have had instances where we miss 5 or more hours of UA time. I'm not saying I don't enjoy our UA time. We have also missed several social events because we know our priority is UA time. I have even re-scheduled work stuff just to make sure we get UA time.

"I" can feel the effects of missing our UA time inmediately. If we miss 2 days I feel low in the LB$ area.

So here is my question, the longer you go working and spending UA time, the better equipped you are to face times where adversities happen?

I saw someone post -someone with around 10 years from recovery- that they slacked on UA and she felt the difference. I wondered why this couple with 10+ years of recovery will be so susceptible to this. I'm assuming that the couple was not skipping UA altogether, but rather missing a few hours a week.

This is normal and expected. That 15th hour is crucial, even for couples who have been in love for years. Even Dr. Harley and Joyce would feel that difference if they did not get enough UA hours.

We have been in love for years and we always can tell a difference when we cut it too short.

I have never heard about the love bank leaks. It was interesting to hear about it on the radio show. Did anybody got a chance to listen to it?

I guess what I talked about earlier is a leak, and the Harley's said they are not affected becuase they have a reserve account! Now I'm curious about those reserve accounts. Any insights?

I just got finished listening to that segment and I found it interesting as well. I have had the same question so I'm glad someone wrote in and asked about it.

I was particularly interested in what Dr Harley had to say about a former AP's love bank account.