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So days after he finds out about my kiss with a coworker, and saying it will be a long time before he touches me again, if ever....my husband decided he wanted to have sex. Of course I did, given I had not slept with my former Co worker, but the moment my husband kissed me the tears began to roll down my cheeks. After business was done, I couldn't help but to cry. I feel like it was a combination of happiness and fear. His touch was what I longed for, yet earlier today I couldn't even get him to hug me. What's worse now is he seems withdrawn again. I'm so confused and on an emotional roller-coaster. I love this man with every fiber of my being and hate that I hurt him. Someone please help, I'm so confused where he's at emotionally right now, and he's not really one for "talking"....never has been
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and he's not really one for "talking"....never has been Hi ice, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am not sure what you mean by the above comment about "talking" but my suggestion would be to start following the program in Surviving an Affair. Do you have that book?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't have the book. This just happened in the past week, but I have read the articles on this page, and continue to read them every day. The biggest thing I've gotten out of it so far is the giver and taker aspect. It's a bit fresh to try and get him to agree to anything. He's just that type of man. Closed off to talking about feelings and then hits shut down mode when the conversation gets uncomfortable.
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I don't have the book. This just happened in the past week, but I have read the articles on this page, and continue to read them every day. The biggest thing I've gotten out of it so far is the giver and taker aspect. It's a bit fresh to try and get him to agree to anything. He's just that type of man. Closed off to talking about feelings and then hits shut down mode when the conversation gets uncomfortable. I would step away from the articles and read the book. It has a step by step plan for recovery in it. He doesn't need to talk about his feelings, but he does need to know how to recover his marriage. If you will read the book, you can present him with that plan.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I posted this on your other thread. Could you please answer these? Yes, yes, and no....he contacted the OM himself What did you think of the just compensation clips? Were either of your affairs exposed? Have you told your children?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thank you....thank you very much
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Oh, my apologies, I thought I responded. No, we haven't told our children.
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Oh, my apologies, I thought I responded. No, we haven't told our children. When will you be telling them?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Well, one is 7, the other is 2. They aren't old enough to understand. It seems were back in the intimacy stage. He told me he loved me this morning
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Well, one is 7, the other is 2. They aren't old enough to understand. It seems were back in the intimacy stage. He told me he loved me this morning I agree that the 2yr old is too young, but the 7yr old is old enough. Please read this and listen to the clips. Exposing to Children
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Ummmm, how do you figure? If she's completely naive to the situation and not mature enough to understand, we don't see the point. Again, without warning, things were fine and he walked out on us about two months ago. We are coping, civil, and even loveable right now. Why burden her little mind with more devastation when there is no need? Are we supposed to also tell her what he did three years ago?
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What EPs have you both put in place? Extraordinary Precautions-SAA Revised
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Well, we always let the other know what we are doing and when. Again, I quit my job, but only with the understanding the minute he feels like we are starting to financially tank, I go back to work. It is still relatively fresh, and he made a comment last night I found unnecessary and I believe he acknowledged that fact as we came to a decision which made us both feel better in my opinion. All decisions are made together and all cards are out on the table.
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Ummmm, how do you figure? If she's completely naive to the situation and not mature enough to understand, we don't see the point. Again, without warning, things were fine and he walked out on us about two months ago. We are coping, civil, and even loveable right now. Why burden her little mind with more devastation when there is no need? Are we supposed to also tell her what he did three years ago? Why continue to lie to her? Do you know that most kids blame themselves for problems in the marriage and wont accept vague excuses like "mommy and daddy have grown up problems?" I exposed my wife's affair to my children, and was encouraged to do so by Dr. Harley. My daughters were 5 and 7 at the time. Please don't try to make noble excuses for lying to your children because there is nothing noble about it.
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Well, we always let the other know what we are doing and when. Again, I quit my job, but only with the understanding the minute he feels like we are starting to financially tank, I go back to work. It is still relatively fresh, and he made a comment last night I found unnecessary and I believe he acknowledged that fact as we came to a decision which made us both feel better in my opinion. All decisions are made together and all cards are out on the table. Have you ordered Surviving an Affair? Have you both looked at the list of Extraordinary Precautions and agreed to follow them?
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Did you read this? Please list out both of your EPs.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So days after he finds out about my kiss with a coworker, Have you left this job?
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So days after he finds out about my kiss with a coworker, Have you left this job? Yes she has.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Getting really irritated now. My giver is about worn out as his taker is in full effect. Intimate days later, then when I look for a bit in return, I'm pretty much just blown off. I'm about to just let him know that I am NOT a convenience. Am I wrong for feeling this way
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And now I see other responses, so my apologies for not responding. I didn't consider my reasoning in not telling my 7 year old noble, so the suggestion one would even insinuate such a thing is a bit angering. There has been no lack of affection in front of the children.
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