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Hi,
Thanks everyone ,
BrainHurts , I think I have read every thread I can find of people in Plan B .
Jedi_Knight
I wish there was a forum for those of us going through Plan B . I have good days and bad, and I don't feel this is the right forum for me.I'm not surviving the affair anymore ,Im trying to move on from it. I'm supposed to not think of it etc. . I'm doing a great bible study, focusing on myself, weighing my options ( where will I live etc) . I still think a forum for those of us newly going through this would be helpful.
Zo
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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Aloha ,
I haven't posted in a long while, trying to stay dark. Although I have tried my best to follow through with my Plan B there have been a few pitfalls, with extended family mostly. I also filed for an uncontested divorce mainly to protect myself. However my WS has thwarted that effort at every opportunity . Which is weird to me since he is the one who had the affairs. So now I'm confronted with the question of what do I do now? Legal separation in Hawaii is a 2 year agreement and basically spells out what you would agree to in a divorce. I just don't want to be responsible for the debt he is acquiring . I already paid a lawyer and now he won't represent me because my WS won't allow it and lawyer IS TECHNICALLY -also represented by him since it was supposed to be uncontested even though I am the one who has done all the work and paid all the money. I am just trying to survive financially but still want to protect myself at this point . If anyone has any suggestions I Would really appreciate it. Also has anyone ever considered a alienation of affection lawsuit? It's still actionable in my state.
Thanks Zo
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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Zo,
How did you file for an uncontested divorce? Don't you file and then the other party contests or not? If he filed then if you don't contest then it should be fine.
There is no state in the union where you will be forced to stay married. You can get a divorce from a person who has disappeared entirely, so you can definitely get a divorce if you want to.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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You need to get a lawyer who is not also representing your husband.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Aloha ,
I haven't posted in a long while, trying to stay dark. Although I have tried my best to follow through with my Plan B there have been a few pitfalls, with extended family mostly. I also filed for an uncontested divorce mainly to protect myself. However my WS has thwarted that effort at every opportunity . Which is weird to me since he is the one who had the affairs. So now I'm confronted with the question of what do I do now? Legal separation in Hawaii is a 2 year agreement and basically spells out what you would agree to in a divorce. I just don't want to be responsible for the debt he is acquiring . I already paid a lawyer and now he won't represent me because my WS won't allow it and lawyer IS TECHNICALLY -also represented by him since it was supposed to be uncontested even though I am the one who has done all the work and paid all the money. I am just trying to survive financially but still want to protect myself at this point . If anyone has any suggestions I Would really appreciate it. Also has anyone ever considered a alienation of affection lawsuit? It's still actionable in my state.
Thanks Zo If you filed an uncontested divorce then there would be no lawyer representing you since both parties are in agreement. You should ask for the balance of your money back if the lawyer isn't/can't provide the services you need or have him file a contested divorce.. You have a contested divorce, not an uncontested one. I am not sure why you would have filed uncontested. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Yes there is a lawyer who is doing the paperwork and filing the necessary documents with the court. He also agreed to communicate with WS so I did not have to. I filed uncontested because my WS agreed to do whatever I wanted. And it is much less expensive to do it that way in my state. WS has not agreed as it turns out . So yes now it is considered contested . Now the lawyer cannot represent me because WS said no to that. And he has that right because the lawyer technically represents us both. I am out of money at the moment since I paid for the lawyer , and am trying to survive financially. My only concern at this point is to protect my self, I really don't care if I'm divorced or not, I just don't want to be responsible for his continued behavior. Just asking if anyone had any advice on the best way to proceed. I will ask the lawyer for a refund.
Thanks
Zo
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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I dont think anyone benefits from an alienation of affection lawsuit. I dont think it would help you heal and prepare for the next chapter of your life in plan B either.
I suggest sending a message (through the im) to your husband: agree to the terms of the uncontested divorce or you are hiring another attorney and will seek everything
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Aloha ,
I'm now posting with a final divorce announcement. After a lot of grief my WS finally signed the divorce papers. It's bittersweet but I'm ready . It's been over a year so I guess that's what he wants. I'll move to another thread now. Thank you so much for everyone's support.
Zo
BW -me 57
Ex-WH-him 62
Married 32 years
2 grown children
D-Day 06-08-2014
D-Day #2 07-11-2014 asked WH not to come home.
In Plan B as of 7-28-14
D-Final 7-23-15
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Aloha ,
I'm now posting with a final divorce announcement. After a lot of grief my WS finally signed the divorce papers. It's bittersweet but I'm ready . It's been over a year so I guess that's what he wants. I'll move to another thread now. Thank you so much for everyone's support.
Zo What he may or may not want is immaterial. Understanding the mind of the wayward is an impossibility. Even though my marriage has recovered from my wife's affair, she can not explain what she was thinking back then to me. So, peace be with you now and have a wonderful 4th of July!
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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