I found out friday that my husband has been talking to her again. I found a text on his phone. First dd was 10/12 he wanted to leave for her but wasn't sure when. I kicked him out 1/13 he came home 3/13 to work on things found out 6/13 he was seeing her again kicked him out 8/13. Right from the start he wanted to come back 10/13 he came back and swore this is what he wanted seemed at first to be trying very hard.
He didn't quit his job but worked opposite shift, not that it mattered. He said it was just friends on his part, but I got a hold of another text sunday from her saying how much she loves him. I took all his crap up to his work that night and told his coworker to have him call her to get it. I also took my van (our only working vehichle right now.)
He walked home calling our 18 yo to get him, thinking I was going to give him the van to bring his stuff back.
He calls the kids everynight and sounds sad, like he's crying. I've spoke/texted to him a few times and he's made comments that he wants to come back here and he's not happy.
Here's the thing, I spoke to OW's ex and this is something she does, she did it with another man for 5 years back and forth, and every relationship she's been in has began and ended in cheating. I can't put my kids through this again. I'm not sure I want him back here, I've already spoken to a lawyer.
I'm not sure I have feelings for him anymore. He said something stupid about no money for his lunches and for a second I felt bad for him, but then I was like whose fault is that?
I feel like he wants to have his fun and then come back here when he's done. He had 2 other chances and he threw it in my face, and he will not quit his job. and if he was really so unhappy why stay? Why not make things right with his family?
I really don't know what to do here, I have 8 kids to take into consideration. I never though he would do this again.

Sorry you're back.

He never quit his job? So he works with OW?

Who have you exposed to? Did you ever expose to their job?

Yes, I exposed both times. He does still work there. We have 8 kids and another job that pays as well as this one would be hard to come by. I'm at a complete loss this time. I knew from her ex that she wouldn't stop. I thought after the last time he couldn't hurt us like this again though.

Have you considered using Marriage Builders? I will go look at your previous thread but I am pretty sure we gave you all these steps before.

I am sorry you chose the job over your marriage. This is why we told you he had to leave the job.

Threads are merged. Please stick to one thread.

I know I screwed up, but we have 8 kids it's not like he could just quit without another job. I can't change what happened then, right now is what I need to work on.

Then please understand this fact (that I learned the hard way):


His affair WILL NOT END while he still works with the OW.

Then why don't you give him 30 days to leave that job or you will expose to his workplace?

His affair will never end if they continue to work together.

Since you choose his job over your marriage you need to separate and go into Plan B. Contact a lawyer and have your finances secured.

I've already exposed to his workplace. Both this time and last time. I chose my kids having a place to live and food. I wouldn't let him back working there again, but sometimes it's not that simple.
And her ex has told me that she will find him, she follows these guys until she's moved on. I know that I screwed up, where do I go from here? I kicked him out with planning, just knowing I couldn't go through the pain of him living here at the same time. Tomorrow is my kids birthday party and at that time I plan to give him the info about visitation and such. He'll then be blocked from anything involving me. Is there really any chance this marriage can be saved? He's gone back to her 3x now.

Yes it can be saved if you can kill the affair and get away from OW and he lives with EPs to protect you and your marriage and affair proof your marriage.

Who did you expose to at his job?

Ma'am, we know it is not simple because we have helped HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE take these steps over the years. You refused to take those steps. We told you the affair would never end if he continued to work there. So now you are close to divorce so you DID NOT choose to protect your children.

What is your plan, jct?

To keep spinning your wheels while your H goes off and sees the OW at work until you have a nervous breakdown? Then what will your children do??

I get it ok, I screwed up. I wish I could but I can't go back and change it. Pointing it out over and over won't change it either. I did what I thought was best for my kids at the time, have none of you never did something that you look back and realize was wrong. I'm not spinning my wheels. I'm trying to keep it together for my kids right now. I kicked him out sunday night and told my kids monday 4 of them are under 7. I guess all you handled this way better because right now we are in survival mode. In about an hour I'm going to put my babies to sleep and I'm sure just like every other night this week they are going to cry for their dad.
At this very minute my plan is to make it through bedtime without breaking down again. I really don't know what my plan is, I have so much to figure out I don't even know where to start. Do you really think kicking a person when they are down is helpful??

Who did you expose to at their jobs?

Can you get to your doctor for some ADs?

I would get into Plan B. Continuing down this path is going to send you to the hospital. Can you get into Plan B?

Here, How to Plan B Correctly

Then what is up with the insulting excuses about why you ignored our advice the last time? It is not reassuring when you tell us you were just "doing what was best for the kids" when you allowed things to get so bad that your marriage is much worse than when you first arrived.

People here want to help you but you can't be helped if you persist in making up lame excuses. Excuses won't solve the problem. We have seen people with more kids than you and in much worse situations resolve their marriage problems. Was it simple? Hell NO. But was it easier than enduring infidelity? YES!

I exposed to everyone that I could think of, human resources, 1st, 2nd and 3rd shift supervisor & forman, union steward, vice president, president and owner. I'm trying to get my Plan B together. Last time I kicked him out after I had all this together. I had no trouble having no comunication, but visitation was always at this house. I left before he got here and came home after. But how much visitation is expected last time he wanted tues-friday 11-3 so he pretty much just slept at OW house and sat and sunday from around 12 until 6 which is the time I set for him to leave. Should I send the kids over there? Honestly I can't stand the thought of her being around my babies and he's been dead set against them meeting her. I'll think about seeing the dr. I know I'm not in a good place right now.

This time, offer him 2 hours on Wednesday night and every other Saturday afternoon from 1 to 5. He will have to pick them up and take them some place and they can't ever be around the OW. I would change the locks just before you send him the Plan B letter so he can't come in the house. Do you have someone who do the child exchanges for you?