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He doesn't think that he's above AA. He's in counseling to face his demons of his childhood abuse for one thing and to beat the alcoholism for another. Not everyone has to go to AA. Personal counseling is also good. The crux of his alcoholism is due to trying to drown/hide those demons and emotions that he couldn't face before. This really sets off red flags. Counselors come to AA for their own drinking problems. They can't help him with his. I am sorry to read he is wasting valuable time focusing on his childhood. Nothing could be a greater waste of his time.  I agree not everyone has to go to AA, but going to "counseling" is not going to help him with that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Just so you know, I am a recovering alcoholic with 29 years sobriety. I wasted a lot of valuable time flapping my gums in "counseling" about my childhood. It did nothing to help my problems and just kept me angry and depressed. I changed my life when I joined AA and started doing the steps. If he wants to change, he needs to join a support group that is based on action steps. Flapping one's gums in a counselors office does not change lives.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody Lane, I was surprised to read this the other day, having seen many times your stance on counseling: My own father was much like you: a profoundly corrupt man. It took me years of counseling and personal research to undo the damage he did. That sounds like it was useful for you, but your statement above I wasted a lot of valuable time flapping my gums in "counseling" about my childhood. It did nothing to help my problems and just kept me angry and depressed. is the opposite. Was the latter in relation to solving your alcoholism problem (and, of course, marriage counseling in general), or does it apply to the former statement, as well, in terms of your personal growth. I'm just curious.
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I went to counseling when I was a child because of serious behavioral problems and it seemed to help somewhat to speak to a normal person who could help me with reality.
When I went to counseling as an adult, it was a waste of time. It kept me angry and instead of resolving my problems, it made them much worse. I do think that counseling for children in bad situations can be helpful but think that counseling for adults is largely useless. Like Harley says, going to counseling to talk about your childhood is a distraction from solving problems in the present and that my experience exactly.
All in all, what helped me overcome my parent's bad influence was to learn principles of right and wrong [never approached in counseling] and to implement those principles in my own life. Hope that clarifies.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2011
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I went to counseling when I was a child because of serious behavioral problems and it seemed to help somewhat to speak to a normal person who could help me with reality.
When I went to counseling as an adult, it was a waste of time. It kept me angry and instead of resolving my problems, it made them much worse. I do think that counseling for children in bad situations can be helpful but think that counseling for adults is largely useless. Like Harley says, going to counseling to talk about your childhood is a distraction from solving problems in the present and that my experience exactly.
All in all, what helped me overcome my parent's bad influence was to learn principles of right and wrong [never approached in counseling] and to implement those principles in my own life. Hope that clarifies. Counseling for kids can be good because so many kids are in homes with drugs and alcohol (and unfortunately abuse) that counseling can help them understand reality.
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Joined: Oct 2010
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All in all, what helped me overcome my parent's bad influence was to learn principles of right and wrong [never approached in counseling] and to implement those principles in my own life. Hope that clarifies. It does. Thank you.
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Here is a question about remarrying an ex. Tell us what you think. Radio Clip on Remarrying an Ex 2nd Segment
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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