Sounds like you have a great marriage and have done a super job taking care of it. Good for you and your wife.

That does not surprise me. You would be amazed at the amount of affairs that show here that started on Facebook! Facebook has been identified in studies as a major cause of divorce! Study: Facebook affects divorce rates, marital satisfaction

Truth be told I could have done better in the affection aspect. Wife never held any resentment. She accepted me for what I am at the time and supported same. She attributed my lack of affection to stress from work, etc. She came to this conclusion that when on vacation affection was all day everyday. This was true. I was stress free. In her mind, no stress meant more affection. Since we work more than vacation the affection was not as often as she wanted. I should have learned to put my work aside and concentrate on us. She told me several times she wanted more. I as not listening. Very foolish of me. Lesson one...when my wife talks she gets 100% undivided attention. Lesson two...affection is so easy to give when it is reciprocated. W reciprocates same. Everyday a small note in my lunch. My favorite meal. Things of that nature. She did this even during the time of my less than stellar affection. She took care of the marriage if not more so than me. Means a lot that she truly respectful of our vows from 20 years ago.

What really got me was her telling me she sometimes would go into the bathroom at night feeling rejected and unattractive because of my lack of attention. Even through that she kept the faith in my. If that does not get you up and going at full steam to correct the problem nothing will. I turned it upside down for her. When I look up the word devotion in the dictionary there is a picture of my W. I have another 20 years plus to make it right and I'm going to do just that!

Yes, I have read up on FB and it's ills. FB was never a concern of mine when it involved my W. I can see who is posting on her wall. Secretive will never be a word to describe my W. Neither would it for me. She always knows were I am and who I'm with. No ifs, ands, or buts. For me it builds trust. The trust is reciprocated.

There are a couple of things you have said in your posts today that are traits of a great marriage. And the comment above is one of them. A complaint is an opportunity for improvement in a good marriage and an irritation in a bad marriage.

The other thing you mentioned was your reaction to the friending the son of the OM. You were upset and even though your wife didn't understand why, she took your complaint seriously and unfriended him.


Another trait of a good marriage is complaining. While we are not taught this in our culture, complaining in marriage keeps a marriage great, because we can't fix the problems if we don't know about them! Telling you this gave you an opportunity to fix the problem and enhanced the love in your marriage.

At the end of the day it was this site that clobbered me with a 2x4. Opened my eyes. Opened my mind. Improved my life connection with my wife. She has seen the changes and is somewhat in disbelief. Sometimes she asks what is going on. I told her the truth. I mismanaged a very important part of our marriage. Time to work on it and fix it. This site provides the tools! For that I'm thankful.

This was the bad part. She complained. I did not listen. Thankfully her resolve to keep a marriage she looked for reasons for my lack of attention. She felt it was stress and her looks. Stress was some of it. Her looks never a part of it. Mostly it was me. I thought making sure the bills were paid and everyone happy that was all that was needed.

Anyway, any complaints I ask she brings forward. It is the only way to resolve the problem.

I think the affair 20 years ago, the crackheaded family members who find it to be fun time fodder and any FB contact are now resolved. I let my thoughts and feelings be known.

I don't feel like a nut now that someone understands.