She is staying at her Mom's single wide trailer (vacation home) which is about 15 miles away, with no oven or stove, which she is not used to considering we have a very comfortable house however she's pretty adaptable. She has virtually no money and no job now and had to sell some mutual funds to get by. I told her this is "our situation" and that we'll pull through however she's insistent on it being her that has to figure it out. She's voiced she is confused, in a fog and may be depressed.

If you're interested in MB, you Plan A her. That means taking every opportunity to meet her needs, such as going away with her. Helping her move out lovingly sounds good too if that's what she wanted. However try to woo her back into the home as much as possible.

You assert your rights at some point but you prime the pump first by making her fall in love with you. For men, this wooing back process is vital.

Also keep a sea eye out for OM. He's far more interested in her when you are around as he only wants her part time. If you didn't expose and people found out accidentally then contact those people and gather their support properly.

He didnt expose and he has to date chosen not to follow Dr. Harley's methods.
It's a shame because they probably would have been fired from the workplace sooner if he would have exposed.
Fortunately, somebody else at the workplace apparently exposed them to upper management.

This is how Dr. Harley words Plan A in Surviving an Affair:

"Plan A: Expose the Affair and Express a Sincere Willingness to Resolve Marital Problems."

Plan A starts with exposing the affair! If this is skipped, it's not Plan A! Don't leave the eggs out of the cake and expect the recipe to work.

Did you ever expose to the OMW?

hmm.

Why don't you tell us why anyone should spend anymore time fixing the mess you created by not listening to any advice last time you were here?

Sell us on the idea.

Are you a believer in Harley's methods?
Are you committed to following a plan?
Will you listen and take the recommended actions?

I know ---- your situation is sooo special ---- and you know your wife better than anyone ----- so that's why you had to do things YOUR way.

So what's changed? (Other than your best plan got you into an even bigger mess...)

Tough bunch of people, I'll tell you.
Bottom line is this: Exposure happen through a combination of me exposing and her workplace finally catching up with her. The affair as far as I know is over and my wife moved out of the house for a 30 day trial, which she's been wanting to do for awhile. I thought a no contact approach would be best so that she misses me however believe she would like more contact and it seems that is appropriate to woo her. I've made her granola, bought her watermelon (I hear you laughing but it's true) and have been super sweet. She's pissed at me and feels I'm controlling in my ways by going behind her back doing magic to sway her and those around me (past efforts to end affair). Most of her beliefs are not true and people just find out. In the end, I love her and I love our family. I feel bad for our 3 year old daughter and desperately want to reconcile. My wife feels there is no trust. No trust in me because she's not sure what I'll do behind her back to "fight for us" and she feels I deserve someone whom I can trust fully. I told her I believe in her and us and that trust can certainly be built back up. So....She leaves for Ireland Monday with her oldest son and girlfriend and I've decided not to go. All want me to go but, I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do. Honestly, I'd hate to spend thousands of dollars and set myself up for building memories I'd rather forget if in the end we fail. Perhaps I should contact her three friends that found out accidentally when she got fired. I think she's seeing them Sunday nite anyway. If I do contact them to ask for their support, surely it'll be another way I went behind my wife's back and she'll be upset. Seems it's a no win situation.

She moved out so she could carry on her affair in peace. There is no other reason to move out. A "trial separation" is a trial for divorce and only makes it that much harder to save your marriage. You can't save a marriage if you aren't there, after all. Its like your car breaking down. If you want to fix it, do you go in the garage and fix it or do you go to Omaha for 30 days?

In other words, by ignoring the advice we gave you, you have made this a bigger mess. But that is ok, it is your marriage to ruin. You are free to ignore the advice and ruin your marriage.

Things are definitely bigger in Texas.

Did you ever expose to OMW?

I agree, it is a no win situation using your plan.
If it works, you can perhaps write a book and become an expert like Dr. Harley, who has counseled more than 50,000 couples.
But that's a big IF

You told us in the beginning you were going to use your own plan because you know your wife so well. (that has to be the thousandth time that has been posted on this forum)

And you got exactly what your plan would deliver, failure.

When you are ready to implement the right way, people will help, maybe it is too late, maybe it is not.