And to add to Indie's response, yes, daughters can return to having a great relationship with their mothers, but it often takes a few years, some maturing on their part and lots of patience and grace on the mother's part.

When I was a teenager, I turned against my mother but regretted it deeply a few years later - when I was around twenty-one. I have loved her and admired her since those days.

My daughter did the same. My older friends who were mothers told me it was kind of "normal" for this to happen. I don't know if it happens to the majority of mother/daughter relationships but it doesn't seem unusual.

I would step out of her way for a while and don't offer advice unless she asks for it. Just be gracious and kind but it's her life now, and she's going to make mistakes. Hopefully, she'll learn and grow from those mistakes. But don't step in or give advice unless asked for.

I agree with Indiegirl. Plus, she is 18! She should be having fun and going out with a lot of different boys at her age. 18 is way too young to commit to a potential husband for the rest of her life. She has plenty of time to be an adult later and settle down. At her age she is still a child and however mature she may be she has a lot to learn about herself and what she wants in a man.

Actually, people can commit to marriage and have a fulfilling marriage at that age.
Dr. Harley, the founder of this site did that and has spoken favorably of young marriages on the Radio Show.

Yes you are being nosey and should leave it alone. A VAR? Really?? Don't do that, rock. Agree with Indie's post...stop being the shoulder for this boy to cry on. There is nothing wrong with her breaking up and wanting to go out with her friends.

I agree and I know I could have been a buyer at 18. I also agree with Dr H that young marriages mean you learn those good habits early and never have to unlearn bad independent habits.

Let's not forget though that he predicates all of that on the advice you should date a lot too.

Though I think it is fairly easy to decide to be a buyer yourself it is quite hard to diagnose whether your love interest is one.

The more sociable years are the college age years (even if you don't go to college) and this is when Rock's daughter is going to be finding out what she likes plus what really works.

Her current boyfriend is a die-hard renter making unsustainable decisions; Just agree with everything and hope for the best. We know that when men do this it makes women very unhappy because they are not seen as sincere.

He is also making life unpleasant for her by tattling to her mother and acting moody when she makes the decision to break up. This is nothing more than a selfish demand. A potential buyer would smile and move on, or just remain friends.

I think it is wonderful news this relationship is breaking up. There are no relationship skills being used here at all and the immaturity would just lead to misery if they got married.

Hopefully she has learned it is more trouble than it is worth to casually move in with someone and will do better next time.

You have all given me some good things to think about it. I do think you are right Indie that she will have to learn the hard way about living with someone that these things aren't a good idea. I can tell her all I want but what is it with teenagers these days? They don't listen, all their friends are doing it and it seems to be the norm unfortunately.

Hi Jedi, I didn't realise that Dr Harley married at a young age. That's a great testament that you can be a buyer at such a young age. I do know a few people who have been married just out of highschool and have been together the years.

Though I don't think my daughter is a buyer yet and that's okay I guess. I just felt quite sad for her BF.

Yeah he does do everything she wants. I have told him in the past he needed to be more confident and stand up for himself.

It definately was a big mistake I think for them to move in together. She will probably think twice about doing that again now that she sees it isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Do you think trying to teach kids from a young age helps at all? Maybe I've left it too late to instill it into her. Or do they pretty much do what they want no matter what you say these days? I think in my daughters case she thinks I know nothing, and will make her own decisions no matter what I think. I guess that's the only way for her to learn though.

Hi black raven, Yeah that was quite nosey of me wasn't it. Don't worry I won't be installing any spyware lol. I guess I was kind of thinking out loud on that one.

I'm wondering if I should give my daughter some space after she stormed out the other night. I don't want to fight with her. Should I be the graceful one and tell her I'm sorry for interfering and that I'm here if she needs me?

Thanks LWFH. That's reassuring for me to hear that it doesn't seem quite so unusual. Looking back I did give my own mother a difficult time in my teenage years too. My daughter seems to be a lot closer to her father, I think she thinks he's cooler than me

Do a lot of girls tend to be closer to their dads, and the sons tend to be closer to their mums? I definately feel closer to my son than I do to my daughter, but hopefully that will only be temporary. It's not for lack of trying on my part.

rock;

It is more than "Normal" for children to go through a phase where they think you know nothing. It is part of the growing experience.

And, all generations think the one that succeeds them is on the wrong track. This has been happening for ever. So it is part of YOUR parenting experience, as well.

Some of us learn much from our parents, but others of us have to learn things "the hard way". You can't protect her from everything, nor should you. Our success in life is not measured by whether we make mistakes, but how we handle them when we do. Most successful people have made MORE mistakes than others, but they don't let that stop them. (Try reading Abraham Lincoln's bio, for example!)

Thanks catwhit.

My daughter wants to now move back in with me. I've told her I don't have room anymore now that my son is into his own room. I don't want to disrupt him again and having her traipsing in and out at all hours and bringing friends through all the time like it used to be.

Is this wrong of me to not let her move back in? She has treated me so bad for a long time and I don't have the strength anymore.

I told her she can't just decide she's going to play grown up and then cancel on her lease when it's not fun anymore.

She has now informed me that she wants nothing to do with me anymore because I am clearly not there for her.

I'm sick of her poor me attitude.

It hurts so much for my own daughter to say she wants nothing to do with me anymore.

I remember my mother saying I really hurt her one time when she said 'Love you' as I stalked away from her lecture. My Parthian shot, scowling over my shoulder was "Well I don't love you"

I don't remember this at all. I worship my mother! I doubt I meant it even in the moment. I also never remember her being swayed by our temper tantrums. Her poker face stayed on and poor behaviour never got the reward of a reaction.

I think telling her you expect something from her in return for your care is dead on. One time my mother made me cook my own meals and buy my own groceries at 13 because I wasn't treating her well. Sure she was a bit perturbed when I enjoyed it, but poker faced she just said she'd had enough of a break and resumed normal business when she wanted to.

When I read Dr H's article on unconditional love being a bad thing, the penny dropped as to why she had been so persistent about that.

The critical thing is that YOU are now ready to enforce your boundaries. I suggest that you treat her like an adult. Which she is, albeit a young one. If she doesn't like it, too bad.

I predict she will come around. When she matures a bit.

I think it may be a good thing that she isnt living with the boyfriend anymore.
It's not good to live together like that especially starting at her age.

Well she texted me and said a short 'sorry mum'.

I was gracious and wrote back 'that's okay I still love you'.

She turned up tonight and sat on the lounge, opened her laptop, did a bit of assignment and didn't say much. It was very awkward. I tried to make small talk and she did the same.

She then left saying 'I've got nowhere to live'. She does still live in the house with the BF, I think they don't know what they are doing at the moment.

I think I will probably let her back, but there will have to be rules and boundaries. I'm waiting to see if she comes to me about it, and letting her make all the effort.

Hi Jedi

They are still living together but I don't think it is going to last very long. Yeah I agree they shouldn't have lived together. If she comes home, I plan on telling her I don't think she should live with any boys again unless she is married.

Hi Indie,

It's funny you mentioned how you told your mum you didn't love her. I'm slowly regaining my memory of the awful things I did to my Mum and Dad in the teenage years. I was a horror. I remember slapping my dad in the face and then running down the hallway. And I gave my mum so much grief I can't believe she survived. I often joke to my mum that I was a perfect angel!

Indie, do you have a link to Dr Harley speaking about unconditional love?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_ul.html

See I bought into UC love for too long. I learned my mother wouldn't give it without holding up my end but it took too long to learn how to insist on care and conditions for myself.

I think it's slowly dawning on your daughter that you don't bite the hand that feeds you and that's good.

Your accountancy plans sound really exciting too.