Dont apologize. Say you will do whatever it takes to save my marriage, repeat....
Her protecting the OM proves that she had feelings for him.

I like Jedi's response- He is a danger to my family and other families, i will not protect/shield him from his adulterous acts. Use the words affair and adultery, they are powerful in meaning.

Melody is right she is going to have to quit that job, regardless if the POSOM gets axed. It will forever be a trigger point for her and YOU.

I am struggling with bringing things up that I know I shouldn't. Today I mentioned to her through a text, that I was struggling, and she said she was sick of it. I replied "Sick of what? Me struggling?" She said "I am sick of this whole situation". I replied. "Me too, I wish this never happened. Maybe someday it won't be the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. Oh, and I better not forget all night long while I dream about it. Believe me, I am sick of it too."
Then, once I say stupid things like this, it triggers me, and I start saying things that I know I shouldn't. The next thing I texted her, was "I catch myself wondering why my wife would think it would be okay to tell a good looking single man, that she no longer feels a spark for her husband, and then tell him to give her a reason not to like him, so it would be easier to stop thinking about him. Translation of what the man hears. I no longer desire my husband, and I want you."
She replied," I know, that sounds bad when you put it like that, I am sorry" Then I replied with " Its good to know that he was sending you scriptures to help you with your tough marital problems. I am sure a guy with that high of an IQ (she told me he used to tell her how high his IQ is)gave you some solid advice. No wonder you thought it would be safe to tell him that you wanted to know where he lives, so you could drive 20 minutes out of your way to have a nap after work, so you could stay awake to now drive 50 minutes home. Mans translation. I want to have sex with you before I go home to my boring husband.
I know I am not supposed to bring these things up, but sometimes they just come spilling out. I feel like I can't control it. Does anyone have any tips on how they would avoid this. I try to avoid triggers, but sometimes I can't help it. Why does it still hurt so bad? Most of the time I do fine, and then BAM!!! I get hit with this wall of deep sorrow and confusion. When will I feel normal again?

Anti depressants

It is going to really suck for awhile, everyone is different on how long it takes. That is the hell you are going through.
It will come in waves and subside, hopeful the periods between waves become longer and longer.

Get into exercise, it is a great stress relief.

How about an update so the vets can see where you are at, any further progress, what about results of work exposure, is she job hunting, etc?

I have been on Anti Depressants for about 6 weeks, and I will admit that they have helped, but it still can't stop the thoughts after I have been triggered.

RoughRock:
Have you seen the post in managing triggers? It is most insightful.
I am crappy at linking but perhaps someone can help out with this.

Here you go.
Dr. Harley on Dealing with Triggers

The answer is simple - you are continuously triggered (as is she) because she still works with OM.

What is the plan to get her out of there?

I agree. When is she leaving that job?

Absolutely correct!

"Doctor - it hurts every time I nail my hand to this table. When will I feel normal again?"

Sir,

The goal in Plan A is to make love bank deposits.
Do NOT text these messages again.
If you seriously cant control yourself then just turn your phone off or post here first before replying to her texts.

Sir,

Did you post OM on Cheaterville?

Have you heard back from the workplace?
Did you send the workplace letter to the President and a key VP by certified mail?

I don�t plan on posting him on cheaterville, but If I had any proof of a physical affair at all, then I would in a heartbeat.

I did hear back from my wife�s work, and they said how extremely sorry they were that this happened, and that they would address the situation immediately. I later received an email that said they had met with the individual. Of course, I have no idea what they said to him, but they did end the email stating that if my wife has any problems whatsoever, to contact them immediately. The email I received, came from his boss, which is at a high level. As I said before, the OM is a Department head, and is over 5 other areas, with 5 supervisors under him. That is why the HR representative said that he had no business whatsoever talking to my wife. She has a lead and a supervisor that she should be bringing issues to, and then they present issues to him. My wife is very beautiful, and there is no doubt in my mind, that he went out of his way to get to know her.

My wife was upset originally when I sent the letter, but a few days later, she said she understood why I had to do what I did. My wife said he used to stroll through the area chatting with employees, a couple time a day, but since my letter, she has only seen him pass through once, and he didn�t talk to anyone.

As far as texting my wife things that I know I shouldn�t. I try so hard to avoid it, but it usually starts with something very simple, to which she will say something rude, like �Don�t bring up this subject again, or Don�t ask me if I have seen or talked to him, because I am so sick of it� and then escalates to the point that I am saying hurtful things. Last night I talked to my wife, and I said if I say something that indicates that I am struggling, that I need her to be kind and loving. In the past, when she does this, then my episode will pass without incident.

My wife refuses to leave the job, because of the 16 years of pension she would have to give up, not to mention the fact that she wouldn�t be able to make near that much money anywhere else. I told her that we would find a way to get by, and she says there is no discussing it. She will not leave. My only hope, is that he will get another job. He has no family here whatsoever, and my wife says he is always putting in for other jobs, because he is trying to move up in the company. These jobs he puts in for are typically out of state.

With that being said, I guess for the moment I am stuck in limbo, and the most I can do is work on avoiding love busters, and trying to deposit as many love units as possible.

Sir, you should post him on the internet exposure websites so that all of his co-workers and friends and family can see it.

Internet exposure really upsets cheaters.

Sir, there is no hope for recovery as long as she is in contact with him.
If she will not leave the job, the affair will continue.

If my wife will not quit her job, then what do I do from here? I am at a loss. I cannot force my wife to quit.

You should start planning on a separation. Your marriage will never make it this way and staying around will make you mentally and physically sick. The timeline should be gaged by how you are feeling. For example, when you feel your health starting to decline, you should plan to get out and go into Plan B.

In the meantime, you should keep her leaving the job on the front burner. Don't let her think you have backed down.

I would strongly suggest you reconsider this. You know they had an affair and that is what counts. Posting him on cheaterville would put pressure on him to leave the job.

So, just an update on my situation. I have taken the advice of this forum, and I have kept the issue of my wife leaving her job on the front burner. I bring it up almost daily. We always end up with my wife saying "We cannot afford to live without her income", and "I am not going to give up 16 years of pension, just because you over reacted to a friendship".
So, since exposure in mid august, things have been wonderful on the weekends, but as you guys warned me before, I am literally tormented to the core on days that she goes to work. Just the thought of her seeing him from a distance is torture. My wife thinks this is something I can control by just not thinking about it anymore. She will say "I never even see him at work at all". I tell her that I will never feel safe, and we will never get through this while she continues to work in the same building as him. I even said I don't even like the fact that we are in the same State as him. It is a vicious cycle, where she says I am blowing the situation way out of purportion.
So this morning, something came up about our situation, and I made a comment about her affair. She immediatly said "Don't call it an affair". She then says that it was never really an affair, because she never had romantic feelings for him. I told her that whenever she down plays the situation, and denies that it was an affair, it resets me all the way back to day one. Sometimes I feel like she has no clue of what this has done to me. I tell her it is not even so much about what happened, as it is about the feelings of betrayal that I felt. It is the loss of trust that I can�t get past. She lied right to my face so many times.
So, with that being said, I am still in Limbo. I told her that I can�t live like this for another 6 months.

I am really sorry you are going through this but I really think you need to do what these people are telling you. She is making her choice to stay and try to downplay what she has done. You have to take care of yourself. I would honestly just put a timeline on it. I would give her a month to decide. I think your going to have to stay firm and leave if she wont quit. I know you really love your wife and its clear you love her far more than she loves you.

Please listen to what the others have told you.

Clay