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Well, the exception to the POJA is when safety or health are at risk.
Your health is at risk from her behaviors so you don't need to POJA writing Dr. Harley
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She did read the email last night, and responded...she yelled at me for sending it because I sent it during the day from work and didn't POJA sending it first
When I asked if she would be willing to listen to Dr. Harley's response, she stated... 'I don't need to listen to it because I'm sure it's all for you and all against me...' HFD, this sums up her attitude about protecting her marriage. You don't need to give endless examples...^^^^^ says it all. If WW is not willing to protect you or her marriage, you are better off without her. I agree with Jedi about not living in marital hell while your son finishes school. That never goes well and you know that. I'd cut my losses...there is no shame in that.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Mel,
HFM was angry because I didn't let her know before I emailed Dr. Harley
(no mention when SHE did the same thing a few months ago w/ out my knowledge, though...I didn't say boo: I'd love for her to talk with them!)
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1. she yelled at me for sending it because I sent it during the day from work and didn't POJA sending it first The POJA? What is that? She's mad that HFD wrote Dr. H w/o asking her. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I understand that all of you are only hearing "my side"...believe me, I would love hfm to be on here as well to speak for herself and "her side" of the disagreement.
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I understand that all of you are only hearing "my side"...believe me, I would love hfm to be on here as well to speak for herself and "her side" of the disagreement. What difference does "her side" make? Nada She isn't following POJA and is willing to break an EP (that will cause you great anxiety)...the end. "Her side" is irrelevant.
Last edited by black_raven; 09/17/14 08:57 AM.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Mel,
HFM was angry because I didn't let her know before I emailed Dr. Harley
(no mention when SHE did the same thing a few months ago w/ out my knowledge, though...I didn't say boo: I'd love for her to talk with them!) My point is that she doesn't use the POJA so it is a little silly of her to suggest you follow it when she won't.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I understand that all of you are only hearing "my side"...believe me, I would love hfm to be on here as well to speak for herself and "her side" of the disagreement. The only side we are concerned with is the truth. There is only one "side" to the truth.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's difficult because now I am the 'bad husband' because I am not interested in her new job. I am doing all that is asked to get her OUT of her current job, but I am wrong for not being motivated for going shopping for new work gear or helping set up her 401k at a job I don't even want her to be at???
She says I've been mean and withholding affection from her for several days?!? I'm sorry I don't want to cuddle with someone who is making a decision to that'll hurt me!
I can't take this abuse.
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I feel she'd disagree with you BR...she is entitled to 'her side', and entitled to 'her happiness' if that's what this job represents to her.
She texted me she looks at this as just a 'career boost' and getting her life 'back on track' and the OM is a 'needle in a haystack' to her. That she's a 'good person who learned from my mistake'.
She claims that I am 'holding on to something that isn't there' and am stopping her from 'moving forward'.
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I feel she'd disagree with you BR...she is entitled to 'her side', and entitled to 'her happiness' if that's what this job represents to her. I'm sure she would disagree with me. My point is SO WHAT?! You are now going to listen to the wayward babble and gaslighting? I don't care what hfm has to say. As Mel said, there is one truth. I don't even know why YOU think "her side" makes a bit of difference or why you are worried about being the "bad guy." Come on, HFD. You are not a newbie!!
Last edited by black_raven; 09/17/14 09:13 AM.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Because I'm used to being portrayed as one.
The job is just a symptom of underlying issues here.'
I need to ask her if she's really committed to this marriage, an integrated lifestyle, or not.
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I get family, but...It saddens me that she turns toward other for marital advice instead of MB or Dr. Harley. As I said yesterday, Marriage Builders has never done anything for her. It has provided no value for her. It is up to you to make Marriage Builders provide value for your wife, or else she will never care.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Because I'm used to being portrayed as one.
The job is just a symptom of underlying issues here.'
I need to ask her if she's really committed to this marriage, an integrated lifestyle, or not. She has already showed you, through her actions..
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Because I'm used to being portrayed as one.
The job is just a symptom of underlying issues here.'
I need to ask her if she's really committed to this marriage, an integrated lifestyle, or not. Her actions are saying she is not ...
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It's difficult because now I am the 'bad husband' because I am not interested in her new job. That's a philosophy of marriage we stand against here. We do not believe that a spouse should support another spouse's choices no matter what. We believe that YOU matter as well as she, and so ALL decisions should be made with care and thoughtfulness for the feelings of BOTH husband and wife.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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So a FWW does NOT have to commit to following the MB program?
It's up to a Betrayed Spouse to drag along the reluctant spouse who committed adultery?
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Because I'm used to being portrayed as one.
The job is just a symptom of underlying issues here.'
I need to ask her if she's really committed to this marriage, an integrated lifestyle, or not. Nope. You need to email Dr. Harley and tell him "My wife is choosing a job I am not enthusiastic about - what can I do to turn this around?" Trying to ask her something or talk her into something is not going to work. It hasn't so far.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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So a FWW does NOT have to commit to following the MB program?
It's up to a Betrayed Spouse to drag along the reluctant spouse who committed adultery? What are you referring to? Have you emailed Dr. Harley? You seem to keep talking in circles and it's really not productive
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So a FWW does NOT have to commit to following the MB program? I have no idea what that means. The point is that she is NOT committed. The question is what can you do about it. You need to learn how to sell Marriage Builders to her. You need to show her what's in it for her. Right now there is nothing in it for her. Zero, zip, zilch, nada.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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