Are there any betrayers out there who have left their family for the lover and succeeded in being happy? What were the drivers for the decision and how do you cope?

My best friend cheated on her first h with her h now and they seem to be happy. She has a really good relationship with ex now, they share a daughter. The only consequence I see in them is whenever she wants to go do something with me, especially if it's at night, her h now gets angry and says she's acting like a whore again, that he met her because she was a whore. Of course she has been totally faithful and commited to this marriage and he always apologizes and says he is just scared of losing her. But living with those consequences! OUCH! She has it really easy to some stories I have heard! But I have never heard any good ones.<BR>M<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

If there is such a thing I don't think they would be here. Considering what this board is about that is.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Mater:<P>How could your friend stay with such a disrespectful name calling creep?<P>You claim she's happy!<P>What was her first husband like? Sometimes I think these people who get together and marry their OM/OW and find out later how bad it is, stay in the marriage as an act of punishment towards themselves.<P>gmc900

I'm currently reading Private Lies by Dr. Frank Pittman. In the book he has a very good summary of reasons why second marriages between persons involved in an affair very seldom succeed. Generally he notes that disasters are only inevitable when people use romance to jump from marriage to marriage without a rest stop between. He says that there is something inherently doomed in those marriages that begin as marriage-wrecking affairs. <P>He noted that in his practice while over half the people who get into romantic affairs end up divorced, only one-fourth marry the affairee. It is likely that over three-fourths of these affair marriages end up in divorce. He says that there is a greater liklihood that the divorcing partner will be back with the original spouse in five years that that the romantic affair will be a stable marriage at that time. He gives 12 reasons for this phenomenon:<P>Intervention of reality<BR>Guilt<BR>Disparity of sacrifice<BR>Expectations<BR>General distrust of marriage<BR>Distrust of affairee<BR>Divided loyalties<BR>The nature of infidels<BR>The nature of affairees<BR>Romance<BR>Scapegoating the betrayed<BR>Unshared history<P>Clearly there are a number of factors for a affair-induced marraige to overcome. These reasons are further detailed and discussed on pages 247 - 256 in Private Lies. His arguments make a lot of sense. Unfortunately, it is difficult for my W to accept this, if I could get her to read any of the books, articles, etc. that I have read. She sees her life through rose colored glasses right now and nothing applies to our situation. Her feelings for him are so strong, she does not want to lose him. <P>I apoligize for this rambling post but thought Dr. Pittman makes some valid points. It seems that affairs have such limited potential but that until they are over they are deadly. All we, the betrayed, can do is be patient and wait while they try to sort out their lives and ultimately ours as well. Best of luck with your situation.

I read somewhere that there is a %5 and I think Shattered1 has quoted 3%.<P>A counselor warned me about jumping into a relationship too fast for all the wrong reasons which what the betrayers are doing. <P>I do have a friend that his w had an affair and she is still married to op almost 20 yrs now.

I think the odds of success are slim when the relationship blossomed amidst selfishness and deceit.<BR> Simone