We talked for several hours last night. I answered all her questions and gave complete honesty. I can't describe how awful it was to see her pain.

She said she wants a divorce. I asked if she wanted time to think about it to make sure, but she said she knew. I respect that.

I've spent a few minutes this morning calling divorce lawyers and setting up consultations. The wife can have the house and anything else, but the kids are used to me being their main caretaker, and they need to be with me the majority of the time. I need to do what is necessary to make that happen.

My lawyer friend told me to prepare for battle.

Hold on, Dave.
Let me read through your thread before you get revved up for divorce battle

Sir,

I just read your entire thread.
You came here because you were having numerous online and "sexting" affairs; one of the women you were sexting became angry and outed you to your wife.

Most of your thread was a debate between yourself and the posters about the merits of being honest. You wanted to see statistics and facts to help you decide if honesty was the best course of action.

Apparently, your wife was told some or all of the truth and now wants a divorce.

You post that she can have the house, etc but you will fight her for the kids because they need you.

Based on your posts, I think your children need a caring, loving parent that does not harm them.

You Sir have destroyed your family to please your own mind. You lack any moral compass. That is not what your children need.

You are apparently mad that your wife wont sweep this under the rug again so plan on punishing her with a legal custody battle.

That does not benefit your children, or your poor wife whom you care nothing for. Only the desires of your depraved mind.

I am very glad you told her. However, that is not your decision about the children, that is hers too. Their best interest comes before your own selfish, personal desires.

If you are wise, you will not do anything at all for now. Many betrayed spouses feel like they want a divorce at first, but change their minds. If you contact a lawyer now, you might end up sealing a decision she is not sure about.

I think Dr. Harley would suggest that you turn yourself around, redeem yourself by making amends to your victim and try to win her back.

That is what my own FWH did and we are now recovered with our family happy and intact.

This is excellent advice, Dave.
Getting a lawyer is the easy way out.
Changing your lifestyle is much harder.

I get what you're saying, but it's my understanding it is best to be the first to file. The wife works from 6am-7:30pm 5-6 days per week. I am the main caretaker for our kids. They come to me when they need or want anything, and to have their questions answered. My wife is a good mom, but she isn't home much.

When we decided to have kids I structured my career so I could work from home. I am the constant in my kids lives and I won't allow that to change. I do 75% of the caretaking/parenting. He**, even if we split custody 50/50 she will have to depend on me or somebody else to help her get the kids where they need to go the days she has them.

I'll continue making consultations with the list of lawyers my buddy sent me. He said any lawyers I have a consult with cannot be hired by the wife. Therefore, he sent me a list of the top dogs in our area.

I will have her served first, and request custody.

We are telling them tonight.

So this is all about a legal advantage for you? You aren't going to win your wife back with that attitude. And once again, you are not the best parent for the kids with your history. It isn't up to you alone to decide what is best for the children given your handiwork in destroying their family.


Can you send her here? We will help her countersue for adultery and go for your jugular.

You wrecked their family in pursuit of your own selfish desires.


Hopefully, your wife will tell them the FULL TRUTH. They need to know what you have done to their family.

It was her choice. I was told yesterday to let her make that choice, and I did. Now you are telling me it is the easy way out?

She made her choice, and I offered her time to think about it. She refused.

She said she is at the same place now she was after having our first child. The marriage was in trouble and she didn't have the fight to deal with it. She said she checked out and never checked back in. I have talked to her over the years about therapy and intimacy to no avail.

I did the chasing for years and years. I suppose I'm just plain tired, I don't want to be the one chasing her anymore. By her own admission she stopped putting in effort a long time ago.

I get it, I cheated, I'm the bad guy. She took away intimacy and physical love after the first year of marriage and I've been chasing emotional attachment and physical intimacy ever since. When I couldn't get it from her, I went outside the marriage and it was wrong. I know it was wrong, but what she did isn't any less wrong or better than what I did.

Yea, well hopefully your kids wont accidently pick up your phone some day and see the sexting and nude pics you get from strangers off the internet.
Main caretaker? Are you joking?
Is the caretaking done in between the sexting?

What she did isnt any less wrong?
She had a husband involved with multiple affairs and you blame her?
You're like a drunk that blames others for their misfortunes in life.

I stopped all online activity last spring. The sexting with various women ended long before that. It was never done when the kids were home, and everything was deleted immediately. I don't even watch porn, ever.

Is that a lie or the truth?
Is it the whole truth?

BigDave, You need to get over your selfish justifying attitude.

We have ALL played a role in getting our marriages in the ditch, as I'm sure your wife has too. MB is not a way to attack one spouse while giving the other one a free ride, trust me. If you were to stay here and work the program, eventually she too would be required to put effort in to meet your needs and do her part to create a good marriage.

But to say that her 'checking out' was equally as bad as your cheating? No, not even close. Infidelity is the most destructive and painful thing one spouse can do to another.

The affairs didn't start until she shut down on me.

It will do you good to watch this video.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.html

So basically you are stating that you are a man that is not responsible for his own actions.
"she made me do it"..."the devil made me do it"

There is no excuse for infidelity. You had many choices, to reinvest her in the marriage, or separate and divorce. You chose to cheat, and nobody twisted your arm to make you choose that.

Funny how people wind up here AFTER they have cheated 'because they weren't getting their needs met' but yet, they don't seem to put the legwork in to find this marriage building site BEFORE they make the choice to cheat. Even this site and Dr Harley's principles was an option to you, you could have turned your marriage around. Instead you chose to destroy it. So don't use her as the scapegoat to your very own big boy choices.

Blame shifting.

I think it is a blessing that you are getting divorced. You have knifed your wife in the back with the news of your affair and today are on here discussing how you will knife her in the back legally and take her children away AFTER YOU DESTROYED THE MARRIAGE.

She is better off without you and the kids are better off having you as a part time dad.

What state are you in?