Advice needed. Wife reconnected with an old BF from before we married. They met once and she tells me she's moving in with him. He meets her emotional needs. I have been lax in that department off and on over the years. I've done all kinds of other things for her thinking I was being a good husband, unfortunately neglecting her greatest need. I've been reading Love Dare and trying to love her unconditionally. She wants to talk and text me less and less. I'll do anything to fix this. Part of me wants to just end it but I still deeply care for her. I don't want to divorce bc I feel it will drive her to marry him for health insurance, hence little chance of reconciliation.....

How long married? Any children?

I would go through the "Start Here First" thread and come back and discuss. Has the affair been exposed?

Married 23 years. 3 children ,22 at college, 20 on his own, 18 at home, just graduated high school, working and taking college classes

Affair has been exposed to very few people, 2 of the kids, few close family and friends. She said she didn't want to sneak around behind my back BC that's too disrespectful and hurtful so she told me right away before anything had gone too far

Please read the Exposure 101 thread in Melodylane signature link.
This affair needs exposed "far and wide."

How nice. Trying to think of some other comparable niceties....

1. The rapist putting on a condom because it's just too disrespectful and hurtful to rape AND possible impregnate someone too

2. A holiday greeting card from Bernie Madoff.

Here's the point, waywards are only ever "nice" when it serves their (and the affairs) interests. She's being manipulative to either get you to acquiesce or to keep you from interfering.

The "Love Dare" is worthless. Women only "love" one person at a time so her "lovebank" is closed towards you. You can't possibly make any deposits as long as OM remains a third party to your relationship.

Thus, the only way to save your marriage and "love" your wife back to you is to FIRST bust up the affair. Your best chance at accomplishing that is by exposing the affair far and wide and fighting for your marriage.

There's a good chance OM might not like it very much if his mom, dad and family become aware that his new girlfriend is a married mother of 3. I'm sure they have been or are being told a complete fabrication like she's already or soon to be divorced or that you and she have been separated for a long time in a simple marriage of convenience. Without forewarning, you need to disabuse OM's friends and family of such notion.

It may or may not work but it's still your best chance.

Mr. Wondering

How sweet of her to cheat on you openly and blatantly so you can see the knife in your chest as opposed to your back!

Not that this is a new attitude; it is standard fare from waywards.

Not hopeless at all; IF you can bust up this affair and rescue her from the typical archtype loser who amuses himself with married women.

Since the A has not been exposed at ALL - (her garbled confessions is guilt appeasement not exposure) - YOU need to expose. Go to Melody Lane's signature and follow the instructions EXACTLY on how to expose in a way that causes shock and awe.

Tell the world you love your wife and need help rescuing her from an affair.

You must be the hero here. Not the doormat.

Love dare? Do me a favour. She's in an affair!

Any complacency in running the other man off is viewed as carelessness by women. So exposure of him to his family (ideally his spouse) is super critical.

Make his life very hard.

You have a good chance of beating this affair and winning your wife back, but it will take very specific steps.
Have you read this: Exposure

br1971,

Expose the OM to everyone, at his workplace, the president of his company, to his customer/clients, to his family, to his wife/girlfriend, his church.

First get on his facebook or linkedin and copy down every contact.

Also put him on www.cheaterville.com

He is doing this to your children.

Do not warn or threaten exposure,or you will be showing your hand, expose suddenly and completely carpet bomb OM!

God Bless
Gamma