As I start this topic, I am self-identifying as a born-again Christian. So, my post may not really "speak" to those who are not Christian because it is faith-based.

My situation is that I married an unbeliever who falsely claimed to be a Christian. His "true colors" came through. In brief, to make a long story short, it was a very negative marriage for me in which I did the right thing to serve God and to love others and strive to honor the covenant of marriage.

The result was that my ex hit rock bottom and divorce became mandatory in the situation. The resulting devastation to me personally was that I had developed, without realizing, incredibly strong aversion to marriage as the result.

It would be what the man here talks about. When a person is super sincere, stays in a marriage for religious reasons as I did, and the spouse is the worst of the worst... one can stay in the marriage and "be okay". However, when the marriage ended... I was left with the worst aversion possible.

Then, I went to church, and... when people do not understand the reality of God... they mock the reality of God's living power and the walk of a Christian by faith knowing the work of the Holy Spirit.

God moved clearly and powerfully to unite my heart in spiritual bonds with this man in church the moment I looked in his eyes. For the doubting Thomases out there... spiritual people who I know can know this by the Spirit of God without me telling them. The ones who have gifts of the Spirit. So, those who function intellectually and walk by sight... are not going to understand what I am saying.

It was God. Unquestionably God.

However, my aversion was so great... it was a trainwreck situation.

I knew, also, by gifts of the Spirit that no one who is not a Spirit-filled Christian will ever understand... that this man was heightening my aversion reactions of panic attacks at the sight of him once I knew this man was God's will for my life... that he had a secret relationship and he was not living a holy lifestyle.

Well, that truth came out.

It has been a trial for over 17 years. And the truly insensitive to the Holy Spirit... want to explain what they cannot understand spiritually with pronouncements of human judgment... that fail.

That man married a woman who was not God's will for his life. No piece of paper can alter the living reality of the work of the Holy Spirit. Well, it turned out for him as I knew it would... they are divorced and reports tell me he is suicidal.

He knew full well I was God's will for him... and that God had done a work in our hearts. People can think whatever they want walking by sight. Not every marriage has God's blessing when people marry outside the perfect will of God as Christians. She was an unbeliever who put him through the kind of hell my ex put me through as an unbeliever. Except, I think he probably knew she was an unbeliever when he married her.

He married her because he met me and I broke his heart due to my aversion and panic attacks towards him.

Well, he's divorced from what was, in reality, an "OW" all along.

You see, there is a failure in human judgment when people look by sight... and think what they see is reality.

He is divorced now.

There never was any question that God had moved between our hearts. He made the mistake of believing he could run his own life and do his own will.. reacting out of hurt towards me because of my panic attacks.

Well, here we go again.

And, this time around, I expect persons on this board to respect me in the name of Jesus... who follow Jesus.

I had nothing to do with his divorce. But if you think God ever honored that marriage... that would be a failure of human judgment.

And if you think some stranger on the internet can judge me - and know the reality of God's work in my life - people don't even know the reality of God around them in power to judge let alone a stranger on the internet you don't know.

Well, now, my assignment is to overcome my panic attacks... and God's will be done.

I'll never get the apologies from this board I am due for your treatment of me... in failure of human judgment.

God ended that false marriage... and that man was treated terribly by an unbeliever who never loved him and only married him for his money... and treated him horribly.

Well, at least now, he has shared my experience.

And I can assure you that I have Jesus in my heart... my occupation is full time Christian ministry... I know the Lord... I know the will of God for my life... I know the work of the Holy Spirit in my heart... and no one is capable of judging me to know better than me God's will for my life.

And, now, I will go back through the process of overcoming those panic attacks.

And, I assure you, though I am not really even interested in marriage myself... and it is only out of obedience to God... I will comfort that man in his suicidal tendencies now.. suicidal because he knew better than to do what he did... he knew God's will as well as I did... he knew God had done a work in our hearts... and he made a terrific mistake. He's paid the price for it also... and is suicidal now in regret for his choices and his treatment towards me.

He's single.

Now, I don't think I need any further failure of human judgment as strangers on the internet try to tell me they know God's will for my life.

And I will see how well I come out of aversion... this time around.

Because, I assure you, it is God's will that I marry this man. I'm spiritual enough to know that.

I remember you well under your last posting name: "BACK." here The last time you were here, you were chasing some married man and got upset when posters wouldn't endorse your attempted adultery. [read: stalking] You justified your horrible behavior with the same "reasoning" you are using here.

Weren't you banned?

A lot of people use "God" to justify their wicked behavior and I see this as no differently.

This is a simple matter of discernment. God instituted marriage. He abhors adultery. So, what does Scripture say about the kind of convoluted logic in this post?

Matthew 7:16 - "You shall know them by their fruits"

If someone claims, "I know God," but doesn't obey God's commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. 1 John 2-4

What???

Where's Kermit and his tea? LOL

"Back" used to be lauralee when she signed up on the board 14 years ago. Here is her first thread where she talks her first meeting with this guy: here

Wow, how dare you call his wife the OW!

She's bipolar.

This was discussed with her in 2007 here ---> Laura_lee is Back....again

There's no point discussing anything with her. She's smarter, more intelligent, a better Christian and more beautiful than all of us mere mortals.

It's sad to see someone seemingly so mentally sharp and realize how defective their brain really is. Many of the flowery sentences dressed up with big words don't make sense. It's all just disjointed gibberish.

Her "man" that she's wrote about here for going on 10 years now probably has no relationship with this woman whatsoever outside of her own mind. My guess is that he's a pastor she seduced at one time and felt an overwhelming unreciprocated (other than that moment while he was having sex with her) bond with. He moved on and married someone else while she just pinned for him and probably worked to the best of her abilities (day and night) to undermine the marriage however she could.

Other than a few facts, she's discussing a grandiose illusion/delusion with us. It's not real and I pity her.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - doesn't mean I'm giving her a free pass to abuse these boards AGAIN; but the people that would try to use Laura Back as their pawn in the battle to take over MB have long since disappeared so I doubt laura will get any validation or entertainment here this time.

I have no earthly idea what that means. You are leaving something out of that paragraph. I think what you are saying is that people in the church didn't approve of some aspect of your behavior, and were probably disrespectful and abusive about it - while for your part, you felt that this behavior was justified by the Holy Spirit. So you leave their perspective out of the story and claim they are mocking the Holy Spirit without talking about what their real problem was with your behavior.


And for the non-Bible readers out there, there are a LOT of tests of prophecy in Scripture that would show that you are simply making this up to justify your feelings and that God does not speak like this. When God speaks He uses words, not feelings - He made man's mouth, after all. There's also a good case for believing that prophecy ceased in the days of the early church, God's full message having been completely delivered to mankind for the rest of time, authenticated by His apostles and prophets.

Yes, the Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
But we are also warned to "Lean not unto thine own understanding for the heart is desperately wicked"
So, the Bible must be the standard by which we judge our actions...not our exclusive thoughts or desires.