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My husband and i have been together for 3 years, hes 26 and im 23. Let me tell you a little bit about my our begining. I had recently moved away from a horrible.marriage i had w children from that marriage and was now living with my aunt. About 3 months later, I found my now husband.on facebook and asked if he remembered.me.from school . He told me that he was living in Massachusetts now and that he was searching for a job also living with his aunt. From then we started talkimg every day. About a month into our texts and phone calls he told me that he had feelings for me & that he had never felt this way over any woman ever. So he asked me to be his girlfriend and i of course accepted bc i had already fallen in love with him . We had a connection from 2000 miles and the distance was hard but it felt so strong and unbreakable. I thought i had found the love of my life. About 2 weeks went by and i decided that i was gonna go see him. I bought a plane ticket and was set to go be with him for a week. 2 days before i left he told me that he didmt just want to spend a week with me and that he was going to move back down to Texas. When i hea rd d that i didnt care that i had just spent 500 dollars and that i couldnt get it back . I was just ready to spend my life with him. He spent 2 days driving from Massachusetts and finnally got here in the middle of the night, i had bwen waiting on him all day. He arrived i ran and gave him the biggest hug and.kiss like i have been missing him my whole lfe. He spent the night and left the next morning to go unpack at his mothers. Before i could even start to tbink.of calling him he called me and asked to see me again. This repeated itsself over 4-5 days. The day after christmas, his brother and his wife found out that the wifes brother had passed and asked him if he could helpt hem.drive to Arizona. He agreed and stopped by my house to tell me bye. When he got down there he text me for the first day and then started saying he left his charger at his moms and that he didnt want to keep asking people to use theirs. T hen his next excuse was that he didnt want to be secluded from everyone. I was thinking ok, thats weird but ok. Then his phone ran out of minutes while he was there. We went probably a good week and a half not talking. One day he randomly messaged me on facebook and said he got.to a computer and that he missed me and couldnt wait to get back to me etc etc. He finally came back about 2 weeks after he had initially left. He acted like everything was fine. I told him that i loved him. And about a week later he told me that he also loved me. We were talking one night & he had told.me that he had slept with his brothers wife sister in the past & it didnt really bother me bc it his past. We all have one right? Well things started popping up on fb from when he was down there with this girl (didnt know it was her who he had slept with at the time) and i asked about the post he was tagged in with her. He told me it was just his brothers wifes family and that they were just trying to include him . So i let it go. I trusted him even when all of the signs of him cheating were there. About 3 months later we moved in together. A year from that we bought a home, got new vehicles, had a baby and got married. I dont know why but i started thinking of this sister he had sex with. I knew he had only been to arizona once & she never lived here for sure. When exactly did he sleep.with her? So i calmly asked him about it and his face just turned white. he denied it with every inch of his being. I broughtu p the facebook.post and asked if he spent that whole.time with her & what happened and he said nothing happened & he stayed away from her. So i told him that i messaged her on fb and she told me everything. I didnt but he ended up saying he did indeed have sex with her while he was dow there. I asked him why. He told.me that he didnt think he was going to.fall in love with me the way he did. So now im stuck thinking pur beauiful.begining was a one big fat lie. Our wedding vows mention the sacrafice he made coming here just to be with me. And so now im thinking those were a lie too. When asked why he did it again he said he didnt rhink i would have stayed w o th him, he didnt have a job and was living with his mom. Also he said he felt sorry for her bc her brother had juzt died i . I know that i love him, i donr know where that love begins and where this pain will end. I cant stop thinking about it. I have given myself to him in an indescribable way. Someone tell me what i need to do! How do i know he wont do it again bc he feels bad for a girl or bc he feels inadiquate. I dot. Want to wait my time tell me where to begin!
Everyone is saying that it was so long ago that i should.forgive him but to me.that was our foundation. A place to go to when we were arguing. Knowing that we once had that so we could have it again...
A good book for you to read would be Fall In Love, Stay In Love by Dr. Willard Harley.
have you read any of his books or listened to his Radio Show? You can listen for free by downloading the Marriage Builder radio App or through the website.
You can also click on the Articles link on the website to read articles about how to create a maintain a romantic marriage
Yes i was still legally married but i made it very clear that it was over. I left and never looked back. And the only reason we were still married was because of finances. I couldnt afford to get a divorse at rhe time. Im still in love with my husband but everytime he says he loves me i think it is a lie bc he made me feel like he loved me in the begining too .
Did your husband cheat while you two were married or before?
Can you answer this please. Were you married to your current H when he slept with this woman or was he your bf then?
Welcome to MB
Last edited by black_raven; 10/08/1411:08 AM.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
Yes i was still legally married but i made it very clear that it was over. I left and never looked back. And the only reason we were still married was because of finances. I couldnt afford to get a divorse at rhe time. Im still in love with my husband but everytime he says he loves me i think it is a lie bc he made me feel like he loved me in the begining too .
You made a terrible mistake in becoming involved with him while you were married. Now you don't trust him. You can't expect a boyfriend to be loyal and exclusive to you while you are still married. That's a mockery of a marital promise and he has shown that he didn't care much for your promises to him either.
Like i said it was over that was.never even a question. The fact that i didnt habe s job and had 2 children while living w my aunt was the reason i hadnt gotten a LEGAL divorse. Not that i was still commited and mentally married still. My husband now never questioned it.
Yes maam i did. Very helpful but im still having trouble with knowing where to begin again , as. I feel our begining isnt real any more
I'm only called maam on the weekends at the drag queen shows.
The rest of the time I'm a manly man!
Seriously though, you begin by acknowledging that you WERE of to a terrible start in marriage. You were involved with him while married, and he was sleeping around with a relatives sister.
You begin by building an affair-proof marriage that is romantic. The videos I posted explain how to do that.
Yes maam i did. Very helpful but im still having trouble with knowing where to begin again , as. I feel our begining isnt real any more
You are only 23 now and you already have three children. This must be very tough for you. You must wonder whether you have fallen into an alternative universe. We really do understand that of course you want to save this relationship. Know that you are in the right place to do this but that you will hear things that you do not want to hear.
Your marriage had a very shaky start but you have a child together and Marriage Builders can give you the tools to create a strong romantic relationship. Listen to the links that Jedi sent you.
But first you should listen to your instincts. If your gut is telling you there is something wrong, there is. Follow the advice here and snoop like mad to see if your husband is still in touch with this relative. Do not give him any clues about your suspicions. If you find anything, bring them here and discuss them with us.
3 adult children Divorced - he was a serial adulterer Now remarried, thank you MB (formerly lied_to_again)
Yes maam i did. Very helpful but im still having trouble with knowing where to begin again , as. I feel our begining isnt real any more
I'm only called maam on the weekends at the drag queen shows.
The rest of the time I'm a manly man!
Seriously though, you begin by acknowledging that you WERE of to a terrible start in marriage. You were involved with him while married, and he was sleeping around with a relatives sister.
You begin by building an affair-proof marriage that is romantic. The videos I posted explain how to do that.
So sorry about that x) just assumed you were a woman . Lol
Yes maam i did. Very helpful but im still having trouble with knowing where to begin again , as. I feel our begining isnt real any more
You are only 23 now and you already have three children. This must be very tough for you. You must wonder whether you have fallen into an alternative universe. We really do understand that of course you want to save this relationship. Know that you are in the right place to do this but that you will hear things that you do not want to hear.
Your marriage had a very shaky start but you have a child together and Marriage Builders can give you the tools to create a strong romantic relationship. Listen to the links that Jedi sent you.
But first you should listen to your instincts. If your gut is telling you there is something wrong, there is. Follow the advice here and snoop like mad to see if your husband is still in touch with this relative. Do not give him any clues about your suspicions. If you find anything, bring them here and discuss them with us.
Thanks ! I trust my instincts to the fullest. That is how i came about this finding. Other than that our marriage was great. We fought but it was over pety things like cleaning the house. I guess im just disappointed that its not as perfect as first tought. However i have decided to stay and i reached out to this.grpup in hope.of someone telling me how.to.get thru this with as much damage control as possible. i have decided to stay but it is still very much on my mind and heavy on my heart. Can any ine suggest ways i can deal with this better? I can not.find fixes for my situation on most sites since infidelity is mostly played o i t when something is wrong with the marriage like not getting sex or not getting attention you need. None of these were a factor in our relationship. Then or now.
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