Who did you expose to at their jobs?

My husband works for himself. When I threatened to expose to boss of the OW, my husband said that if she lost her job he would be forced to support her. In retrospect, I should have exposed it to her boss anyway and she would have been fired. Due to the whole trauma, she quit her job and got on a different career path working for an airline. It's too late for more exposure now. I told all family members, friends, lawyers, everyone we know. It didn't bring him to his senses.

It didn't make things worse, they were already "bonded." It created horrendous conflict in his affair and cut your kids off from their dad and the OW. Your husband made the greatest mistake of his life and has lost his children. When the gloss of the affair wears off he will remember BITTERLY that his affair caused the loss of his children.

Exposure is not supposed to make way wards happy. It ALWAYS makes them furious. That is a good thing, not a bad thing.

Hope so. It's all been exposed so now they can frolic on the beach without a care in the world. they don't have to look over their shoulders anymore.

Their relationship is doomed. Listen to this radio clip with Dr Harley talking about what happens in affairs. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=2233

When the shine wears off, and it will happen FAST, there will nothing to hold them together, nothing. All of the traits that made their affair possible, thoughtlessness, deceit, cruelty, will eventually make their way into the affair and it will fall apart.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? You should read the story about Sue and Greg.

Affairs are characterized by disrespect, fighting and a complete lack of trust. She will never be able to trust him out of her sight.

I'd love to believe this but I know so many affairs that resulted in long term marriages. Just look at Steve Harvey, Brad Pitt, Tori Spelling, Eddie Cibrian, Ben Affleck....they all met their newest wives while they were married.

lol.

You have no clue what those celebrity's marriages are truly like day to day.
BTW:
Brad Pitt is a newlywed
Tori Spelling's H cheated on her and her marriage is in crisis


:-)

haha but Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer, remember? Word has it that the whole crisis with Tori Spelling is all publicity for her show. Even if it's real (which it probably isn't) the guy is a horrible person to begin with. Tori left her husband for this guy and she wants her present marriage to stick. So, it would have been good for her if the guy wasn't so bad. In any case, there's many many marriages that started with adultry and turned out ok...unfortunately.

First off, many of those "affairages" are nightmare relationships. And secondly, 95% of them don't make it to marriage and of those that DO, the divorce rate is 75% within 5 years. The odds are not good!!

You only know what they self report though. Dr Harley, on the other hand, has worked closely with these couples over 40 years and can't point to a single one that has been successful. Not a ONE.

Most people in affairages put on a show for the public but fight like the dickens behind the scenes. How do I know this? They often report this after the fact and we have cases here where visiting teenagers RECORDED the horrendous fighting behind the scenes.

So while you might see some "successes," that doesn't change the fact that 95% of them don't make it to marriage and those that do are usually divorced within 5 years.

Yes, it's an interesting observation. But I personally know many affairs that wound up in secure long marriages. Dr. Harley sees these couples when they are already in trouble. The good marriages won't be in counseling. I don't know how anyone gets the 95%? Where is that statistic coming from? Here are some more names: John Lennon, Prince Charles, I can go on and on.

I do hope you will consider ADs for a while if you are feeling hopeless and depressed. They really can help and usually don't have serious side effects. They won't make you feel strange or drugged. You will feel like yourself, except that, in time, you will begin to feel a little more hopeful. Since you have been in Plan B for some time, you may have already gone over that "hump," but if you still feel pretty bad, ADs can be a wonderful help.

I would also feel horrible if my own 33-year-old daughter maintained contact with any supporters of the adultery. Since you are in Plan B, you can ask that she not talk with you about her visits with your WH's MIL. She may not understand, but she can still avoid talking about it with you.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. You are helping yourself a great deal by being in Plan B. Many affairees hide a lot from the world about the reality of their life together. They often feel like they MUST maintain the facade because they gave up a great deal and HAVE to make it seem like it's working or it will have all been for nothing.

But we don't really know much about the happiness and fulfillment of these marriages. Many folks might say they are happy in their marriage but they actually live independent lives from each other. Dr. Harley talked with a man in a long term affairage once years ago who said he was very happy in his marriage; however, he deeply regretted that he had lost his children and if he had spent time working on his marriage, he could have had a great relationship with his wife instead of having an affair.

Dr Harley has garnered this research from studies on the issue and 40 years experience, whereas you are using anecdotes. One anecdote negates an opposing anecdote, though, which is why anecdotal information is worthless. I can come up with many, many more anecdotes than you. I would add that your anecdotes are all based on what that couple chooses to present to the public, which is worthless.

The bottom line is that it wouldn't matter if 99.999% of these affairs crumble. What matters is your own life and your own situation. Your husband's affair may never end and you must prepare for that eventuality and move on.

John Lennon cheated on Yoko with another woman (May Pang).
Prince Charles.....well....who knows how that marriage really is......

You sure have a lot of stock in standing up for affairages working out historically. Did you meet your H from an affair?

No I met my husband when I was 17. I know him over 40 years. I just take a dim view of statistics unless they have back up evidence. I'm sorry if I don't follow the crowd but I always question research and data to make sure it's valid. People shouldn't take anyone's word for it....just go with facts.

You shouldn't criticize my questioning the stats. It's what everyone should do, even if the results are not what you want to hear.

So does Dr. Harley.

I'll take his research over your anecdotes any day.

Yet you rely on a completely discredited, unreliable method: anecdotes.


Coming to conclusions based on anecdotes is not the behavior of someone who deals in facts and evidence. I am sorry but I believe I will stick with the citations of a clinical psychologist over the anecdotes of an inexperienced star watcher. Please deal in facts, my friend.


You should use more scrutiny in your own conclusions. Casting doubt on the research of professionals and adhering to completely unreliable anecdotes does not say much for your methods.

I don't understand why you are so obsessed with this. Why not just accept that 99.999999% of affairs work out as great marriages and proceed on that basis? You will be better off just accepting that it is over.