I wanted to come back and thank you all for your help in August 2014 with dealing with my wife's multiple affairs. I've since learned about her Personality Disorder and have come to understand the spell I was under, the excuses I made for her (and enabled her) and the trust I kept giving her despite overwhelming evidence that she does not deserve to be trusted at all.

I wanted to specifically thank Melody Lane, Jedi Knight, and a few others who contributed to my thread a couple months ago.

We have now filed for divorce (I'm actually surprised at my relief and excitement that it's finally over) and are negotiating the terms of the separation.

Can anyone recommend any reading or articles about where to go from here? Specifically, how can I get "back on my feet" again? Are there any recommendations for grieving the loss of a sociopath? The hardest part for me is that she can just walk away from it all, not talk to anyone, act like its still all my fault, and have NO SYMPATHY. It's been 3 weeks since I exposed and she left the house after keeping me up past 4am verbally abusing me for a week. I don't wish to save my marriage nor do I wish to talk with her about what she's doing.

Hey s_k...was wondering what happened to you!!

I don't have any advice on reading materials. Common sense tells you that when a destructive person chooses to continue being destructive, you should get away from that person. You will grieve, feel angry, feel sad, etc...all that is normal. There is nothing wrong with you. That's basically what I told myself (and repeated often) throughout my divorce when I was feeling down.

Do not beat yourself up!!! Don't twist your brain into a pretzel trying to understand how stbxWW could do/be x, y, and z. Keep busy and surround yourself with good people. Remember the relief of not having to deal with WW.

My two cents. Good luck to you.

BR! You gave me much great advice too. I have a great family and lots of friends supporting me. I generally feel relieved and free, but when I have to talk to her about the separation, I get angry inside and try not to let it out in my voice. It's anger because my WW is acting super nice and making hints and comments how she's going out of her way to accommodate me. She does this by saying I can stay in the house, she'll make half the mortgage payments until we are officially divorced, and she will call the cable company to see if they will lower my rate. I feel she is obligated to do the first two, and calling the cable company for me? As if that is any consolation for her destruction.

Black Raven did you ex ever get professional help and stick with it? If I recall, your ex had some significant issues too, although I may be mistaken. I want my ex to get help, but I'm going to go NO CONTACT with her once the divorce and separation is finalized.

One thing I'm curious about is that she is getting a large year end bonus at her work, and I feel that I was married to her for 9/12ths of this year. Should I get 9/12ths of half of that?

Have you hired an attorney? Did you move back into the house? You will stay angry living there and letting her talk to you like that.

After DDay2 my then WH went to the doctor for ADs but he never sought any professional help. If he did after we separated, I have no idea but I doubt it. Don't worry about WW getting help, s_k. She is an adult...not 5 yrs old. I had hoped my ex would seek help because of our children but other than that I did not concern myself with it.

I would think you are entitled to a share of the year end bonus.

You were married to her and still are...so yes I would ask for your share of this upcoming bonus in the D settlement.

I have an attorney that is a family friend and he is advising me on the side for no cost. I'm trying to solve this with my WW. She is acting like the nice and hurt partner, when that's actually my role in reality. I did move back into our home. We've only been there 1 year and my wife was in several affairs the whole time. I've decorated and ran the house the whole time and honestly, nothing reminds me of her in there. I want to stay there.

Did WW move out or are you both living there?

She moved out on Sept 19th. Spoken twice over the phone, and exchanged several emails. Talks have been mild-tempered, although she tries to sneak these innocent jabs at me. I did hang up on her once. She told me she would continue to pay for half our mortgage while I was living there until we determined a long-term solution to the house. She then said "but if I start to feel you are dragging your feet, then I won't be OK with that." I responded with "It's going to take some time to sort this out, it won't all be done and over with in a month or two, you're going to have to be patient, but believe me, I want nothing more than to be done with this too, because I don't want to have to deal with you or talk to you again." She then replied "Oh well I feel the SAME WAY and I can't wait to get away from YOU." I had to hangup before I said something I'd regret.

Crazy that I've now found out about 3 guys she had PAs with our first year of marriage, yet she still tries to make me feel that we're splitting up because "it just didn't work out between us." She still wants me to admit to 50% of the blame for the marriage not working. In the past I've indulged her with "YOU CHEATED ON ME IN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS OF OUR WEDDING, THATS NOT MY FAULT."

Ok...just wanted to make sure you both weren't in the same house as that would be a disaster and unbearable.

I know you said your using a friend as an attorney but beware of good intentions here. IME a lot of attorneys can be weenies and especially friends think that playing "nice" will produce a good outcome. Since you do not have children with WW, your case should be pretty straightforward. A court order can easily spell out that she is jointly liable for half of the mortgage. The law is on your side in that respect so don't let your friend/attorney talk you into anything stupid when she is legally responsible anyway.

I'm going to bump a thread I made about financial considerations during D. Take a peek when you have time.

Can you get an IM so you don't have to communicate with her at all?

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. There is a period of grieving to get over the loss of a relationship. One of the programs that helped me a lot was "Divorce Care". You can check their website for a location near you where it is being offered. I have taken it twice and I found it really helped me deal with the things you go through when going through a divorce. In the program you learn about dealing with emotions,getting sufficient exercise, eating well, depression, finances, not jumping into a rebound relationship etc.... Plus meeting other folks going through the same thing helps as you are with people who understand what you are going through.

Good luck, take care of yourself.