I've read a number of posts and it seems like a lot of couple have the same issues. My question is how do I get husband on board to believe in POJA? I've been emotionally withdrawn for over a year, due to several different circumstances. DH not being truthful about skids, and lack of support from him, as well as often feeling blamed and judged. We live like married singles. Like tonight, husband was dressed to leave when I got home from work, and he said he was going to town to see Monday night football with another guy. My husband is self employed which adds to independence, instead of us or we. He informed me last night that he's working this Saturday. No consideration of any plans I might like to do. If I say anything, he throws at me you act like you don't want to have anything to do with me. Yesterday I was waiting in the car and I had the radio on and he jumps in the car and he switches the station without saying anything or asking if it's ok. If I' 'd do that he'd get mad. He's very rude, and if speak up he gets ticked off. Once I was practicing my guitar, and he flipped on the TV. I said " isn't it rude to turn on the TV when someone is practicing?" He gets mad, " well I've done it before and it didn't bother you!" I can't remember him doing that before, but if his kids were practicing, he wouldn't be that rude to them, nor would I. This morning he said I was selfish, yet I run errands, cook most meals, purchase nearly all of the groceries, give in many other ways. Multiple issues here. Help!

Most of this is just habits that start small and grow larger until they become a battleground.

The way to get him to believe in POJA is to start doing! Next time you want to practice your guitar, check in with him first. Ask him if it would be ok, explain that it would prevent him from watching television. If he tells you that he has plans to watch television, ask him to give you a suggestion of a time that would work better for him. Keep going until you find a solution that you are both 100% happy with. Be sure that the entire process is pleasant for both of you.

After the process is done, ask him how he liked that.

Offer up YOUR Saturday plans to him each week. If he responds that he is working, say that in future you would like to negotiate Saturdays plans as that way you can spend more free time together.

Rinse and repeat until he can see that this is working for him. A lot of the time we women think that our independent behavior is ok because it is for the family. Not true, activities with the kids, shopping and errands need to be negotiated just as much as any thing else. The only things off the negotiating table are things you both agree not to negotiate (which might be what you eat for breakfast). Dr Harley and his wife negotiate almost everything all the time.

Start there and see how it goes!

Did you take Dr. H's advice about the insurance? I don't think your H is ever going to be interested in POJA if you stay with him at all costs.