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Sorry you are feeling so run down, NB28. BTDT
Don't go running off anywhere. Monday is just around the corner. Make sure you are eating and going to bed a decent hour. Paperwork for the lawyer can wait...even the financials can wait.
SInce he is to be out Monday. He should be packing up his stuff. If you have not told him that then tell him. Don't wait until Monday to get boxes or whatever. When he is out, he should have his things so he doesn't have to come back.
You can do this, NB28. Hugs to you.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Honestly NB you are not going to get stronger for 'taking a breath'. How do you take a breath with him in the house? I think you will be more ground down come Monday, not less.
Can you send the kids to friends' houses? Relatives? Get a posse of friends/family to come round?
You are going to need help packing him up - he's not going to do it. A reluctant to go wayward will take a teeny nightbag and toothbrush.
I honestly don't see anything wrong with you keeping them home and going to pieces for a while. You'll be stronger after a good cry and clear out. I doubt you will after this weekend if he stays.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I'm packing because it makes ME feel better, he knows under no uncertain terms he is leaving and that's final. It's like an emotional cleanse.
He knows he has messed up royally, he has cried begged and pleaded but I have not shown one ounce of emotion towards him, I'm not even getting angry. I am stating clearly I am done.
I keep my straight face but fall apart when I can lock myself in my room quietly.
Monday I will be back at work so will have something to keep me busy, I now work for the emergency services on the ambulance so it's a fast paced job with no brake, I won't have time to think of his sorry backside while I'm performing CPR on someone.
And sleeping ok but have not eaten a thing since Friday, I just can't bare to look at food, drinking water only. Don't know why I'm doing this but it helps keep me numb.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Try nuts or bananas. Even if it's one bite or just a spoon of peanut butter
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I'm packing because it makes ME feel better, he knows under no uncertain terms he is leaving and that's final. It's like an emotional cleanse. I didn't know if anyone was packing but good that it is underway...whoever is doing it. You need to eat something. Even if it's just a little soup or a few bites here and there. You won't be doing yourself or your kids (or even your employer and patients) any favors by being weak, tired and lightheaded from lack of nutrition. Substitute that water for a milk shake or something with calories and vitamins. Working in the medical field you know better so make the EFFORT to get some food in your belly.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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NB,
I think you will regret not being honest with your children. Their father has ruined their family and they are cluelessly bonding with him before he leaves, thinking you are sick.
I am sorry but I just don't agree. They deserve to know the truth and I think it is OK to let them see the pain that you are in.
Running out door. Be back later.
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NB,
I think you will regret not being honest with your children. Their father has ruined their family and they are cluelessly bonding with him before he leaves, thinking you are sick.
I am sorry but I just don't agree. They deserve to know the truth and I think it is OK to let them see the pain that you are in.
Running out door. Be back later. x 2 And need to run out the door myself but will ck back later.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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NB,
I think you will regret not being honest with your children. Their father has ruined their family and they are cluelessly bonding with him before he leaves, thinking you are sick.
I am sorry but I just don't agree. They deserve to know the truth and I think it is OK to let them see the pain that you are in.
Running out door. Be back later. x 2 And need to run out the door myself but will ck back later. I agree. You need to tell your kids.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Told 13 year old today, he looked his dad in the eyes and said
" I'm disappointed in you and won't ever be able to look at you the same."
He begged me to give his dad another chance and if he does it again he will throw his stuff out the window.
I explained I just can't give his dad another chance, it broke my heart to see him so devastated.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Tackling the little ones tomorrow.
Thanks for the push everyone.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Told 13 year old today, he looked his dad in the eyes and said
" I'm disappointed in you and won't ever be able to look at you the same."
He begged me to give his dad another chance and if he does it again he will throw his stuff out the window.
I explained I just can't give his dad another chance, it broke my heart to see him so devastated. Good job. This why it's so very important to tell the children the truth.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Tackling the little ones tomorrow.
Thanks for the push everyone. Good job with the 13 yr old. Now....what about the little ones?
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I want to point out that you are going to feel a lot better once he is out of the house, NB. I would not delay this a minute longer than necessary.
Even if all his stuff is not packed up, so what? He can get the rest later.
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I'm packing his stuff to keep me busy not the reason he's at home. 24 hours to go and I'm done,
I'm never not listening to anyone on here again. Seriously,
Telling big one was a big deal. Will tell little ones next week as they have one week off school coming up so they will be at home and I can keep an eye on them. If it's better to tell them straight away then I will do just that,
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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I'm packing his stuff to keep me busy not the reason he's at home. 24 hours to go and I'm done,
I'm never not listening to anyone on here again. Seriously,
Telling big one was a big deal. Will tell little ones next week as they have one week off school coming up so they will be at home and I can keep an eye on them. If it's better to tell them straight away then I will do just that, So what did you tell your 13 year old? To keep this to himself?
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No way! I wouldn't put that on him!
I told him hks brothers don't know yet and he said he didn't want to tell them, I said I will tell them but he worried about them, honestly he said he does not want them to feel as bad as he does.
I have raised a smart caring young man and I am proud of him.
I want the others to be as ok as they could be in this situation too.
If I intended to save the marriage I would have told them so their dad can see what he has done to them. But in all honesty I have given up on him ever being a decent person after all the creepiness he got up to with them around.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
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OP
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It's one thing explaining daddy had a girlfriend and married men don't have girlfriends
Where in earth do you begin to explain the perversion to the kids? Seriously?
Daddy sat in a car masturbating with women on skype?
These women are abroad how do I explain what he did and how wrong it was?
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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I explained I just can't give his dad another chance, it broke my heart to see him so devastated. I deal with this on occasion and I try to share my feelings with the kids. For example, my DD8 has asked if mommy can ever visit the house to which I reply "It hurts my feelings to see her and makes me sad." Kids can relate to feelings so you may want to try expressing your feelings especially in Plan B when they ask these questions
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Tell them dad goes looking for girlfriends online.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Posts: 1,154
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Do you really want to go to work tomorrow? Because being psychologically unable to work is just as legitimate as being physically ill. You can surely get sick leave, and I wonder if you really want to work tomorrow, being in the state you are in and haben such an important Job, where you need 100% of your mental capacity.
me, DH
5 children
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