Hi. My husband and I have a good marriage. However, I want to be the best wife possible and prevent him from ever desiring to have an affair. (He had an affair in his previous relationship of 7 years so I know it's a possibility for him.) <P>I've been reading posts to the Infidelity forum this morning and notice that men who have had affairs call the OW things like the "love of my life" and refer to the OW has giving them "joy and happiness they could find no where else", etc. even though they were married at the time and their wives had no clue they weren't happy at home.<P>My question is....what do these OW do that make married men feel that way? I want to know so I can be like an OW to my husband...that way he wil never need a real OW. <P>It would be especially interesting to hear from someone who has had an affair.<BR>Thanks.

Lucky,<BR>It's not what the OW does that's important, It's what the other spouse isn't doing. Affairs usually occure when the emotional needs of one of the spouses isn't getting met. When that happens then a little attention from an outsider seems like love and next thing you know...WHAM, an affair.<P>Read every thing on this site and buy "His needs, Her needs" also on this site. If you want to prevent an affair both of you should take the Emotional needs questionare and look at your answers and discuss them in detail. So you both have an understanding of what you are feeling.<P>Good luck<P><P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

lucky,<P>I am not an expert on this, but "enthusiasm" is the word that descibes women that are attractive. This can of course mean many things, but I guess it means wanting to hear wants going on, wanting to be near a person, and even physical contact (not necessarily sexual), focus on the man and of course there is the ever popular sex issue. <P>And interestingly, empathy. Men don't have emotions and no feeling and are incapable of deep responses to things . If you believe any, all or portions of those statements, you could be in for a big surprise. There is a reason for the sterotypcial statement that men marry women just like Mom. I don't really believe that is true, but the need for comforting is definitely true especially when reality of life begins to intrude ( late 30' on up). He is not going to be President of Corporation, he gets passed over for promotions, kids are not great athletes, geniuses, all of the dreams are facing reevaluation. Men do dream, thats why they stay kids so long.<P>This question should receive some really interesting responses. Hope this gives you something to think about.<P>Great question.

lucky, <P>Your husband is a very lucky man to marry such a wise lady. To be visiting an infidelity forum after only two months of marriage to gain insight to making your marriage a healthy one, says a lot about you. If more newly weds knew of this site and the material offered here, I believe there would be fewer people posting here.<P>Lucky, I thought my wife and I had a good marriage even after 16 years. I thought I was the best husband for her that I could be. I never ever considered that my wife would betray our marriage vow. And yet it happened. We are both Christians too. <P>Infidelity can strike <B>any</B> marriage at any time. There have been people on this forum who have been married for only a month or so up to 40+ years. People from all walks of life, all faiths, rich and poor. Infidelity is no respector of persons. No one is immune.<P>Infidelity is deceptive and insidious. You and your husband must always be on your guard. You must seek honesty and openness about all aspects of your life. Become aware of one anothers needs. Do not take each other for granted - ever.<P>Even if you do all the right things. Even if you are the best wife that you know how to be; there are <B>no</B> guarantees. I can guarantee that your committment to one another will be tested. How you both react to the test will determine how long your marriage will endure. <P>There is no easy answer to your question. No one on this forum expected to be here when we said our marriage vows. Yet, here we are.<P>Lucky, marriages are very fragile entities that need constant attention in order to survive. You are doing some very wonderful things by researching how to have a happy marriage - keep that up!<P>Best wishes to you and your husband.<P>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. <P><BR>

I can't say why all spouses stray but i can tell you that mine strayed because he was feeling very alone. We were not communicating like we used to. I was working the 3-11 shift so we never spent time together. The kids are now all teenagers and don't require the attention they used to. <P>The things we now really focus on are communicating with eachother, being honest even if it hurts.<BR>Spending time with eachother, letting eachother know just how much we love eachother.<P>Marriage is the hardest job you will ever have. To make it succeed you have to work very hard.

Mine strayed because he said he "needed someone to talk to" (although I didn't realize talking required rolling around together). I can only reiterate what has already been said....do NOT EVER feel like your marriage is affairproof and you must always make a constant effort (and it will not always be easy) to keep talking and keep on top of what's going on in his life - if you ever have that "feeling" that something may be going on - IT MOST LIKELY IS!! Try to develop or keep interests that you both enjoy - according to research men want their women to be their recreational partners as well as their sexual ones. Work hard at being his best friend and pick you battles (because the other woman certainly isn't "*****ing" at him). Think of what the OW is to a guy - someone to talk to and have fun with - in and out of bed. If you are these to him, he should have no reason to stray.