Thanks Sunnytimes. You have words of wisdom. I just got done listening to the radio broadcast and it is eye opening. Because until I listened to it I had no problem with keeping the baby as ours as long as the OW was not in the picture, but I see how that most likely would not work.

Welcome, jamin.

One the one hand, you probably desire that no child be raised outside of the gospel - which apparently does not seem to be a concern of the OW. But on the other hand, that is your husband's responsibility, not yours. By you taking this on, you will be destroying the children's mother that God provided them - you.

Your husband destroyed what he destroyed. Let him deal with that. Keep yourself and your boundaries strong for your children.

Melody listed (above) a list of things for your husband to prove out to you if he is serious. Step number 1 has to be to remove the OC from your life and for him to figure out how he will deal with his responsibility to the OC vs his responsibility to you. He must deal with his OC responsibility in a way that the OC is out of your life and his life forever. He can't go back and forth or it will always be a trigger to hurt you.

This sounds cold, but it is not your mess - and you can't take it on or it will destroy you. God needs you to focus on the children He gave you and keep them safe by keeping their mother strong.

Thank you

Welcome.

(((((jamin))))

jamin, your husbands first responsibility is to your children, the children of your marriage. And keeping this OC and the OW hanging around wll destroy you all.

Also, one thing to remember is when the baby is born there may be a paternity test to prove if your H is the father or not.

One of the OW to an WH of a BW who was a poster in these forums did a mail-in paternity test, and mailed in some DNA material she had kept of the WH. For years this couple was involved in much drama manufactured by the OW. Many years later they found out that the WH was actually NOT the father, so all of those years of drama could have been avoided.

Make sure that if there is a paternity test that there is a supervised, legitimate chain of custody for the DNA materials. Don't accept any supposed results from a mail-in kit.

I don't know what Dr. Harley recommends for this, but if it were me I wouldn't accept anything less than a reputable laboratory where perhaps your father or your attorney - someone you could trust completely - could witness the submission of the child's DNA material.

jamin,

I think your husband is playing games.
Did he quit his job?
Did he agree to follow the list Melodylane posted?

Would you really be able to cope rearing his mistress's child? That is one major ask of someone. Poor you.... I really feel for you.

Hi jamin,

I am very sorry that you're where you are.

I recently found out that I was in the same situation.

This OC is already about 3 years old now (I don't know much details except for his name) and my husband kept this information away from me and our daughter for all this time.

The reason why we (our daughter and I) didn't know is that we (my husband and I)have been separated (have been working to "get to" a recovery phase) and this OW and OC live in a foreign country.

The reason why it was finally disclosed to us is that he needed to go over there to "officially end it" with the OW - I am just so embarrased to say this but he went over to her country and actually legally married her several years ago without my knowledge - he left last week and will come back next Friday.

Before his trip he "hinted" that there "may be" a child involved which of course blew my mind but still was far from being 100% truthfully transparent and I found out, after he had left on his trip, that this OC DOES exist by seeing a picture (on FB) of the OC holding a box of toy that was obviously sent to him from my husband's 3 sisters (my SILs). The oldest SIL commented on the pic saying "Love you, XXXXX, look at the back of the box".

All the SIL live in a different state and I haven't spoken with them since my daughter and I moved out of our marital home.

So my daughter and I were the only ones that didn't know.

I told him on the phone that it would be either me and DD or the OC. One or the other. If he wants to be involved in the OC's life in any other way other than financially, we are done. If he doesn't come back with those "official papers" in his hands to show us, we are done, too.

Our daughter is so done with him. She is 17. She hasn't returned his calls or replied to his texts and HE is upset. Yeah, what did you expect? Did you honestly think you would hear her say, wow, I have a brother? Yay! ????? Pleeeeease..

I will definitely divorce him if he wants to stay involved with the OC. Even if he agrees to NC, I have zero confidence in our recovery. Lies, secrets.. I should have known better and left him a LOT sooner so I definitely brought this to myself. I feel so stupid, I just want forgiveness from my daughter. I will just focus on protecting her.

I apologize for taking up space on your thread jamin, but I could relate to you. Best of luck to you jamin.

Taka, thank you for posting your story. Have you read goosegoose's thread? It sounds very much like the OW in your situation: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2826761#Post2826761

Welcome, my heart goes out to you. (((((Jamin)))))

The thing most needed here is exposure. It doesn't sound like you have done exposure to me. When asked you said that you had confronted the waywards but they are not exposure targets!

You also said you 'think people know' but that isn't exposure either. It is a coordinated and devastating strike upon the affair in which you ask your supporters to stand behind you, warn other people they are being lied to, let everyone know you're on it - and get the best healing support possible.

Can you read the exposure thread in Melody Lanes signature and tell us what your exposure plan will be please?

Your other two priorities are getting a bite of food in you and a wink of sleep. Bet that's not been happening but you need to care for yourself soldier, you have a battle to win.

Hugs.

Thank you so much, Melody, for your comment and a link to GG's story.

Wow the stories are so similar. Taka, do you think that is the OW?

Thank you, BH, no, that's not the OW in my sitch. She lives in one of the SE Asian countries.

Aww gotcha. So sorry for your pain?

Will you be going into Plan B?

Thank you for your kind words, BH. Yes, I will be going into Plan B.