PigletWiglet,

Upon rereading your post, if you moved your husband wouldn't be exactly starting over again since he'd have the experience from his current job on his resume. He could even starting looking now, while he's employed. If you need him to work, then he needs to work.

And maybe you could think of it as an opportunity to move to a place you like better than your current environment - and one that has opportunities for your husband's line of work.

In Plan B you do whatever is best for you. All I would say is that the early months are both expensive and tiring, so look more for conditions which will nurture you as opposed to exhaust you.

Don't let opportunities slide but don't bite off more than you can chew either.

The rollercoaster of emotions is totally normal. Don't worry that you broke your plan, you have lots of time to make up for it and go strictly dark.

Thanks Indie,

I'm going to follow that advice to the letter, the least exhausting the better. More energy for opportunities.

And thanks for the reassurance of plenty of time to go dark. It's not the end of the world. I went back and reread the letter I wrote to his mother asking for help on this issue before exposure broke. It was well done, and I think was fair and sincere on the issue. If nothing else, it is clear I was trying to deal with a very painful issue.

Holding my head up and marching on...

After four years of making joint decisions on everything, it feels very off to be deciding everything on my own. Like there is someone I should be calling and talking to about them...

You can always ask wise peers for advice

JK - I do have dinner plans with a girlfriend to discuss some options this weekend. It is helping to know that is coming. My school roommate has also been fantastically supportive, but I don't want to impose too much on the people around me. Trying to find a good balance.

I had some shocking news from the doctor that my fasting blood sugar is a little high. My hope is that this is not some serious medical problem I am now dealing with from all the stress of the past year, but especially the past two months.

I've had this test before multiple times and it has always been normal, much more in the middle range.

Luna,

If you remain in Plan B and let the attorney do all of the work with WH, your health will probably improve.

Hi all,

I need help. I don't think my current thinking is very clear.

Mainly, I'm feeling tremendously guilty and regretful that we didn't do marriage builders two years into our marriage, when my husband still seemed to have love for me, verses the hatred I've glimpsed this year. I keep feeling like I can do something about that. This is probably me wanting to feel in control when the reality is I have very little control over how things end up at this point.

I can't change that now, I know, but I really wish I could.

I've been on these boards daily, reading different threads and my feeling vacillate between hopelessness of marriage in general (people can be so awful!) and regret over my own mistakes.

I can't imaging trying with someone new. Or even wanting to.

So please, help me not break plan B.

Breaking Plan B will hurt you and result in a worse situation, so stick to darkness and silence in a safe quiet Plan B.

MB is always there for you should your H meet your conditions. If he doesn't, learn all you can about MB principles anyway. They will help you in life and friendships.

Don't break your plan B, LA!

I was in a false reconciliation for a while and I can tell you that is the 7th level of hell. Your emotions are going to be all over the place...just stick to what you are doing. Believe me, the emotions are much worse when there is ongoing contact with a wayward spouse. As hard as it is, you need to have a clear head space right now.

Good news!
Harley Enterprises is constructing the Plan B Lockdown Facility which should be completed next year.
You can voluntariy commit yourself there but will be unable to leave for at least 6 months.
During this time, you will watch MB videos and listen to the MB radio show. There will be no possibility of you ever breaking Plan B for the wrong reasons.

Would you like to be placed on the patient Waiting list?

JK - Haha, yes! I need it.

Indie said to write here if I was feeling weak. Holy cow, did that come fast (feeling weak that is).

Thank you PigletWiglet and LongWay for your encouragement and smart words.

Feeling a little less overwhelmed. I'm thinking of re-signing up for a class that I dropped in the midst of all the chaos. Even if I don't do perfectly, I think being around my classmates for the three hours that day will help me feel connected to others, something I heavily relied on my husband for.

Thanks for the encouragement you guys. Also, the AD are absolutely amazing. I am so glad Dr. H recommended them and doesn't downplay what a devastating time it is. I only wish I was able to get them about a month sooner but that state I was working in made it nearly impossible (*must* be under individual counseling first, and get a referral and then make another appointment...)

Any suggestions on how to move an apartment by myself in a town I know hardly anyone? Lots of it I can pack up on my own, but there are some larger items I relied on having another person to help with... should I just reserve some mover time for that and pay people to load up the container for me? Is this one of those times the money is worth it?

If you have a strong friend or two who would be willing to help with the moving, that would be the least expensive way to go; however, if you can't find anyone free that day for both places, then it would be worthwhile to hire a couple of people to help you with the heavy stuff. Paying someone is worth the cost. Just make sure all the boxes are packed and ready and your furniture is empty and maybe wrapped in blankets for protection.

A couple of friends could help you pack it up and perhaps you could hire someone in the new place to help with the unloading.

Signing up for the class would be a great idea. Anything you can be doing to make yourself feel better and improve your education and knowledge will be very helpful for both now and later.

Have you read this? It may help you stay dark so you don't go through this painful experience. Sometimes a FR can be more painful than an original DDay.

False Recovery-Need Voices of Experience

Brainhurts - Actually, once I started reading it, I realized I have gone through that... it was a huge eye opener.

I do not want that.

And the best way to avoid going through it, is to be educated on the signs so you know what to watch for.

You are doing MB now!

As for not being able to imagine marrying again, how easy do you think it is to imagine running a marathon when you have a broken leg?

Ugh, just walked by a football game with the team that H and OW root for. Triggered all sorts of thoughts of him and her watching it together. Made me so mad.

Last night I told a girlfriend of some of the hurtful, degrading ways H treated me for OW and she had her fist clenched by the end of it. I felt bad that she was getting so upset. It is clear to see it was really horrible behavior by other's reactions to it.

Cannot wait until I just don't care, or even better yet, am happy I can move on. Or H comes back with a better attitude and willingness to be a true H to me. Any of those three would work at this point.

Have a permanent place lined up. It took all of three days and two or three inquiries. Almost too easy. Everyone says I'll feel better once I have a 'new' home and am comfortable. I hope that is the case.

I've been reading threads, including indie's dating thread and have come to realize I never should have married my husband. He met a few needs, but I was so smitten by the feelings of love that I had no judgement. If I had dated even a few more guys, it would have been clear that his attitude of inconsideration during our vacation with his family was a huge red flag of what my future was going to hold. My feelings meant nothing.

We've had many conversations along the lines of "That doesn't bother other people". "Well, I'm not other people, I'm ME, and you're married to ME and it BOTHERS ME."
Still, I don't really think it sank in (or was cared about) that it was a problem for me. Not a buyer attitude.