Then there is no reason he cannot afford to move out, if he is working full time plus a lot of OT.

Who took out the loan for the vehicle, did they take it out together? Whoever has the loan gets the vehicle and the payments to go with it. It doesn't really matter if your DD is using it to get to work, if it is BF's vehicle. Having to find a new means of transportation in that case is a consequence of her choice to pursue the new guy instead.

As far as the car goes...he can look at cheaper options, a less expensive car, taking the bus, sharing rides to work.... Bottom line is you are making excuses for everything from them living together under your roof, to the reason he can't possibly make it without you. You really need to stop being 'bff mom' and start being DD's mother.

If you love the bf like your own child, letting him stand on his own two feet is the way to show it. If you think its awkward, how good do you think it makes him feel about himself to be sponging off of his ex gf who left him for another guy's mother. And how attractive do you think it makes him to woman who will treat him better. Enabling him and helping him stay in this destructive situation is not showing him love AT ALL.
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They took out the loan for the car TOGETHER and it is in both of their names as is everything else they have, their phone bill, the dog (they bought him). The BF has paid more for the car than my DD but he wants her to have the car not him and they only have 2 more payments.

And it does sound like I am making excuses but I am merely stating the facts, his hours would not allow him to take public transportation, it is not available when he goes to work, he could take it home.

And DD is the one who wants to help him now get a car because she feels guilty that cold weather is upon us and the BF will no longer drive the car because he considers it hers even though he paid for most of it, I have nothing to do with that except that I feel bad for him.

If anything I really should be throwing out my DD, she is the irresponsible one.

Have tried that too, she is not interested.......

If my daughter did that, I would tell her that I don't care if she has a big wedding or not and that weddings are worth zero when people don't value marriage.

Your plan didn't work - all it did was help them put off getting married or breaking up longer.

When will you be letting her know she needs to leave?

It didn't work but it is already done and there is nothing I can do to change what is done

I won't, she is my daughter and I can't, I certainly will not let any other BFs live here with her but I can't throw out my own kid just because she does not have the same beliefs that I have.

If they took it out together, and paid for it together, and pay it off together, then it belongs to both of them equally. Since they are splitting up, that means one would have to buy the other one out from the car, or they would have to sell the car and split the money. Right?

DD getting the car is just another example of enabling her poor behavior, although this time her bf is enabling her. He needs to get a backbone here, and you need to encourage him to do so.

Yes

Because even though she does not have the same beliefs as me as far as living together doesn't mean she should not have the wedding she wants. I mean when it boils down to it me personally could not just not have a relationship with my daughter because she lives with her BF

And what about THIS, how do you feel about this? Do you think it is showing love to enable him to live in this destructive and awkward situation?

Well I can't, not for this, if it was for something illegal or drugs or some craziness I have heard other people talk about yes, but not just because she thinks living together is ok.

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What is YOUR reason for keeping her there and enabling her poor behavior? You said the only reason you let them move in was because you [mistakenly] thought it would help them move toward marriage. Obviously, that did not pan out and that reasoning is no longer valid. So what is your reason now? The real reason, not all this stuff about how they work full time and pay their bills and you do not support them financially, yet somehow they can't afford to move out on their own

That's not why you would be kicking her out though, S_C. She came to live with you to save money for a down payment on a one-day-marital house (although now it's supposedly was for a big wedding)....but neither is an issue any longer since BF is now ex-BF. Why does she need to keep living there? She lived on her own once before and she can do it again. She can find a roommate...she already has a car and household items. How old is she?

First off my DD did this to the BF and neither of them are with anyone else, he has been spending all of his money for all of their things and my DD just spent hers however she wanted for the last 5 years.

My DD is the bad guy in all of this not the BF, so how is throwing him out until he can himself together for a minute a destructive situation? It is all certainly awkward for all of us and I would think that he would want to leave but maybe he is hoping she will change her mind.

The saving of money was for both things, her wedding and a down payment on a house. And she did not live together on her own, she lived with her BF and all of her friends live with their BFs or are married so I don't where she will find a room mate.

She is 24.

He can get himself together now.

Letting stay in your house is enabling him to choose not to get himself together.

That's how it's destructive.

It doesn't matter if you don't know where she will find a room mate. She needs to solve that problem on her own. She's 24!

Maybe she can live with her new boyfriend.

I might have missed it, but did you answer this?

This all just took place less than a week ago, he thought everything was fine and she followed him to bed and said she was not happy and wanted to break up with him.

I guess I'm lost - what is the problem here, for you? You wanted this daughter and her boyfriend to live together in your home without being married, and that's what you've got.

Now she's got a new boyfriend.

None of this seems to bother you, so I'd just leave it alone. Or am I misreading?