I am so glad to find this forum. What a wealth of info. I need some advice on something in my marriage. I will try to do this as brief as I can. My husband works at a company where we are friends with many of the couples and have all enjoyed socializing at parties and things a few times a year forever. Always a good time, no problem. About three years ago a new man came into the dept. and befriended some of the men including my H. He is a selfish man and not a good hubby to his wife. Acts like a single man still. Anyway my husband and one other worker told him he needed to be there more for his wife. Go home spend time there and help her with kids etc. I guess he tried somewhat and expressed that it was my H and another coworker who were telling him what to do to improve things at home. Well the next time we were together we were all talking and she says how much she loves my hubby. Just weird but at first the few times she said this I was flattered. Ya he is great. How much she wants her H to be more like mine etc. Well a year later we are at another gathering and once again how adoration of my hubby comes up and I am starting to get annoyed. I think my hubby was flattered but just kept talking to the guys and nothing big. I told him that night that I did not like this and that it made me feel awkward. I was upset and we had not seen that gal for a year until last weekend when we attended the wedding of another coworker, my H best friend. I told hubby I did not want her to make me uncomfortable again and he was great and very attentive and stayed near me and ignored the other gal as much as he could.She didn't start her antics until the end of the evening when we were standing around to say goodbyes and when hubby's best friend said he had a crush on my husband (guys joking) OW yells out, "Me too." My H was great and said okay time to go and pulled me close and we said our goodbyes. We have a work function this weekend and they are going to be there. Not sure I even want to go. Hubby says it is totally up to me. Should I be concerned about this woman's adoration of my hubby? Or am I being a crazy woman and obsessing about nothing. My H has been totally on my side when I have expressed concerns about her. Was I right and talking to him about it. My H has cut all contact with the husband to just work stuff because he feels he is not a good guy, lazy about work and responsibilites.

Yes, you did the right thing in talking to your husband about it.
Keep her far far away.
She sounds like nothing but trouble

Agree, you did the right thing. Keep her away.. she has no boundaries. So glad your husband does have some.

You are not crazy. Keep this woman far away from your marriage.


Does this mean your H will not being going or that only you won't be going?

I would also look at your H's phone records to make sure he hasn't been contacting this woman.

No we both would skip the event. I have not noticed any communication with her that I could tell ever. Over the last couple of years once I felt she was stepping out of bounds with her comments. My husband does now have a work phone but that is only very recently. I do think she wants her hubby to be more like mine I guess but why does she feel the need to say these things. Initially she was appreciative of his coaching of her hubby to help but now two years later why is the woman still making these comments. He would never attend anything without me, that is against our code.

Unfortunately, this is how things start up. I had the exact same thing happen. The OW (a co-worker) was infatuated with my H. He didn't even notice and kept his boundaries. He wasn't even attracted to her. They were just "friends" and, over the years, their friendship bonded. We even went to dinner with her, had her in my home and gave her advice. He was a single divorced 55 year old woman and my H was turning 60. My husband and I had a wonderful 38 year marriage. Everyone asked us our secret. My H told me how great I was and told the OW how wonderful wife I was! But.....she pursued him in a way that I didn't see coming. She flattered him, and made him feel young and special, like only another woman can do. It's different than me telling him these things. One thing led to another and he fell in love with her.

Your H may have all the right intentions and resist temptation, but this woman sounds like trouble. Let your intuition be your guide...it is usually right. Check his phone records and his computer history PLEASE. I trusted my husband completely and he never ever gave me reason to doubt him too. Please don't make the mistake I did!!!

If you are not enthusiastic about going to this upcoming work function, then tell your H and do something else instead.

Although your H was apparently attempting to be helpful to the couple needing a bit of marital coaching, it backfired on him. In the future, he should direct anyone asking him for personal help to seek professional advice. Going forward, he should keep all work totally professional with arms-length interactions with co-workers.

If some of these work functions are "required," you can arrange for the two of you to keep the visit very short, staying far from the adoring woman and her husband. If you must speak with them, both you should keep it coolly pleasant and brief with little to no smiling. Just professional and arms-length.

But I would also make sure to have access to his emails and phone. Transparency and accountability are required in marriage.

Wenang, we have only one computer at home but he does of course have a work one at his desk and a work phone he recently got. I think I will, in an unrelated conversation, ask him for the pswd to his work phone. He has always let me know what it was on his own phone so I will see I guess if he is willing. I do not know how one would check a desk phone at work or his work computer. I think you are right though that I have to go with my gut on this one. We need to never see them again. She with her comments, is making deposits in his bank that only I should be doing. Though I am standing right there. She is bold too cause I would never do that to another man even joking or light hearted out of respect for my husband and the person's partner.

Gotcha. I wasn't sure how to take "you" not going...but good. I suggest you two don't go. Have a date night instead.

Why is this woman still making comments? Sounds like she is infatuated with your H and is in lalaland. Some women think this type of behavior is "cute" and it's not. Your H should be transparent with you. If he is, great. If he isn't, you may have to have a talk with him. Is H on facebook? If so, are these people fb friends?

I am so glad to have this advice. The internet is full of people who say "oh you are uptight relax" but that is not what I think.

black raven, no hubby has no social media. He is a homebody and only has a few male friends that he sees when we go to social gatherings together. His best friend at work and he talk on the phone couple times a month and he has always been a good friend and I felt a good married man too. He does not hang out with the guys. Just us and his dad. Our friends we see together. He always wants me to come to anything he has to go to.

Do you think your H is encouraging her in any way? If he were to respond to her "oohs" and "aaahhhs" without smiling, chuckling, or speaking back except in a very cool tone, completely professional, she might pick up the hint. Or she could be a flirt and not take notice of these social cues, in which case he needs to steer clear of her.

We worked on some roleplaying and scenarios for the workplace so my H went in with some "scripts." At first he was concerned he might appear unfriendly, but we decided it was better to protect the marriage than to protect the feelings of any flirtatious or predatory woman, or even a safe one that was a bit friendly.

I agree we should just skip the event and have a date night. I was thinking of this idea already. Thanks. Why play with fire.

Sounds like you two are doing a lot of things right.

Yes I have not had concern about his actions but I have had this gut feeling that it is stupid to go somewhere where someone woman makes these comments to him.

He mostly seemed oblivious but this last weekend at the wedding because he knew I was sensitive about it, he steered clear of her as best he could. At the end when we were saying goodbye's to our other friends is when she piped up again. We got out of there quick. He has not said anything in response to these comments. It is usually only the couple of times we see them a year. Ya she is no good for us. I will go with my instinct that we not see them ever if we can prevent it.

I was wondering if he should have cut her off or just ignored it. He put his arm around me and we quickly said our goodbyes.

Your H sounds like a good guy. Also, he may not crave this type of attention, which is good. Yes, just go with your gut, and have you and your H stay clear of this person. She sounds like a flirt and you don't need someone like this is your lives! good luck

It doesn't matter. If this woman is clueless to not understand him putting his arm around you and quickly leaving then oh well. Most people, even in uncomfortable situations, do not want to be rude. Let it go.

I agree, steer clear of her. However, if you happen to run into her and she proceeds to say something that makes you uncomfortable, I see no reason to not tell her so.

"I think the comments you make are inappropriate, and they make both myself AND my H uncomfortable. It is awkward to be around you when you are acting so immodestly."

Maybe, she just doesn't realize what she is doing. I will say that I behave MUCH differently now, than I did 'pre MB' because society tells us that flirting, showing affection and admiration, etc. to OS people around us is just fine! Now of course I see it differently. But I don't think it is safe to assume that everyone who does not behave in an MB fashion is doing so because they are just cheating skanks, maybe they just don't see their own poor behavior for what it is. If anyone had every said a comment like this to me, I would have felt very bad, and embarrassed, and would have avoided them like the plague afterwards. I would have also thought a little more closely about my own behavior.