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By lucky one, I meant...she felt i was lucky to have married her son LOL
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I had to Plan B my ex H's entire family. One BIL reached out to me several times over the last few years to tell me what a good mom I was, how sorry he was for everything, he still thinks of me as a sister, etc so I accepted his FB request. The rest of them can take a hike. It is hard at first but it gets easier 
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Yes, I know. But, I can't get over how they can not care about me after all the years and everything I did for them! My MIL was like a mother to me. My sister-in-law told me in our last conversation when this all went down, "I don't think you ever cared for my brother". Do you believe that? They all believe his lies and history revision. It's just so hurtful. I'm talking over 40 years! Emotions can do very funny things to your memories. I am dealing with something similar (although not affair related) in my family right now. Because of a family conflict, my sister all of the sudden remembers our family as dysfunctional when we were growing up, and remembers my dad as a harsh disciplinarian. Nothing could be further from the truth. My gentle-hearted dad is crushed. My sister is just highly emotional right now, and has chosen her side in the conflict, and it has affected her memory
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I had to plan b my ex IL's as well. A couple times my exSIL tried to talk to me when I was out shopping with my children. We just walked away.
It is sad, however we do not need toxic people in our lives who support the wayward and believing their rewriting of history. During the course of my inlaw plan b, I found out my xMIL died (via my attorney). My only thought was, now she knows the truth.
It does get easier.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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It's still very hard for me to grasp. Almost my whole family has been cut out and I'm not the one who screwed up. I was the one totally blindsided. My husband never complained and always had wonderful things to say about me and how perfect I was for him. It's hard enough losing my husband, but losing almost everyone is so upsetting. My kids lost a grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins. My grand daughter lost a grandfather, great grandmother, etc. This is all so crazy and unnecessary...Very Unfair. If I had his family's support it would have helped me tremendously. How do I cope with this?
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You are trying to rationalize emotions. Emotions are, by their very nature, irrational. You will never be able to understand why.
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Here is how: you create a great life for yourself without your husband. And you stop trying to make sense of irrational behavior. You are a grown woman who is old enough to know that life is not fair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Not emotions, I'm not understanding the behavior of his family. If my husband is being irrational, why isn't anyone stepping up in the family to tell him how horrible he is acting. Thank god I have my adult kids. I wish I could tell them off, but it's been a year and I don't want to stir anything up again. I figure it's their turn to reach out to me and my kids. It's a traditional Italian family. Mama Mia!
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Here is how: you create a great life for yourself without your husband. And you stop trying to make sense of irrational behavior. You are a grown woman who is old enough to know that life is not fair. One foot in front of the other. You cannot change the past or what has happened. You can change your future, look forward not back. It is tough and it is not easy at times. You will look back and see that you did this all by yourself.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Not emotions, I'm not understanding the behavior of his family. If you understood them, what good would it do you? If my husband is being irrational, why isn't anyone stepping up in the family to tell him how horrible he is acting. If you knew why, what could you possibly do with that information?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Emotions are what's driving their behavior.
Emotions affect their memory which affects their behavior.
It's irrational. Trying to understand why will only drive you insane.
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Not emotions, I'm not understanding the behavior of his family. If my husband is being irrational, why isn't anyone stepping up in the family to tell him how horrible he is acting. I think I understand why. The reason is because they are not good people. I don't see that that information helps you in any way, though. Other than to let you know to not include them in your life.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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My world was turned upside down. Everything I believed in to be true is false. People I thought loved and cared about me..they do not. I helped so many family members with their problems and listened, advised, reassured, and comforted for years and years. These same people won't do this for me. I don't know if getting the reasons will do me any good, but it bothers me every day...I can't help it.
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After reading these boards, it seems I am not alone. Many betrayed spouses are cut off from the wayward's family. Why? Are they all bad people?
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Wenang, you are in Plan B, and in Plan B the goal is to live a great life without the wayward fogbabble and craziness; this includes keeping away from wayward-supporting friends and family. You will know who your real friends are.
Plan B is not seeing, talking to, or communicating with the wayward. It also means you should stop thinking about him, trying to figure him out, make sense of the affair and all the fallout. Adultery is deeply destructive. That's all you really need to. People take sides. So now you know who supports you and the marriage and who is okay with a wayward.
Your best move to create a great life is to stop thinking about your WH and start doing some things that will improve your life.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Only thing I'd add is that sometimes people in families won't stick their neck out and do the right thing in situations like this simply because they don't want to rock the boat or they feel awkward doing anything at all.
While I've been disappointed in the lack of support from some of my in-laws, I haven't been completely shocked. I've seen rifts like this appear in families for much lesser reasons. Usually the vocal people take sides and everyone else sort of falls into line, not knowing what to think or what to do.
Last edited by axslinger85; 10/23/14 10:23 PM.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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I believe that if his family supported me and told my WH how bad his behavior has been, plus not allowing the OW into their lives...well...it may have made a difference. It may have lifted the fog.
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unfortunately this will be haunting me for a long time. None of my friends, or my kids understand it either. Everyone is puzzled.
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My ex MIL has been especially cruel to not only me but she has thrown my daughter under the bus with regards to her son choosing OW over her.
I don't care to understand, except that she's fogged out herself.
Let it go and move on.
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Whatever triggers you to think about these people (pictures, mutual FB friends, etc) get rid of it.
That's a big part of Plan B.
Maybe consider a move if necessary.
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