But she can put you in touch with his parents, family and close friends which would be a great exposure. She can help you fight on your end.


That is a tactic designed to throw you off balance.

Gather your evidence fast and don't depend too much the other man's wife. She could be an ally, but she could also be a hindrance in that she may seek to protect her husband. Just be careful.

I wrote this to you on Thursday:


And so I am not surprised to hear that the OM's wife doesn't want him to lose his job. Have you ever seen the movie "One Hour Photo" with Robin Williams (May he rest in peace)? Some wives are in the marriage for the money and comfort and will tolerate their husband's infidelity as part of the arrangement.

On another note, I'm starting to detect a tone of vindictiveness in your posts. Try not to let vindication or retribution enter your thinking as you are still in Plan A. Those two will derail your plans and lead to a bad outcome.

From this point it on, you will have to endure a process that is most often long and painful. But take solace in the support of friends and family, and find things to do that fill your mind, body, and spirit with good things. Exercise, running in particular, is a good therapy at this time.

[
Thanks JT3OU (and everyone). It will be long and I'm sure at times painful. We are not in Plan A anymore, we are in Plan B (she's not talking to me and going to hear about her job). But we're moving toward plan D and neither party wants to deviate from that course.

Have you read Surviving an Affair? In the case study, the WW, Sue moved out to be with her OM. As soon as that happened, the affair crumbled and he dumped her. She and her husband are now in a happy, fulfilling marriage.

I am unclear on why you want to give up when the odds are so clearly in your favor? Do you want the OM to win? Do you want him to be your children's step daddy?

Wow, unwritten, were you here during our conversations??!! I was just accused of trying to ruin her life and "framing her for having an affair" and told that this can't make her love me and that I "suck!"

I am being super pleasant and calm. The truth will do that to you!!

I spoke with her mom and sisters who all believed me (at least initially, who knows how she will try to spin it) and said that it made sense. I feel a bit bad that I may have exposed the OMW in this, because WW will tell OM that his wife knows and maybe she was planning something else. But you know what, that's not my concern!!

All our friends have been super-supportive thus far, one ever revealed that her husband had an affair after the birth of their daughter. Her friends haven't replied back to me yet, and she claims that they thought that I was "psycho" for putting it together. But it could just be her spin again.

I also told her that I'm not leaving the house and if she wants space, she can move out. She said she will not and we'll just sell the house. I also said that i'm no longer sleeping in the basement and will sleep in our bed. She initially said that she will sleep there too, but now claims that she feels "unsafe" with me in the bed because I'm "psycho" and trying to "ruin her life." I will try to stand my ground and get her to sleep in the basement but I don't want her to fabricate any sort of story. I have a pocket recorder that I turn on during our conversations to protect myself. Who knows what she will do in this state.

Rusty,
I know you are bummed out. We all were there from time to time as we go through this process.
It is way too early to give up, you are still in shock.

Things can change rapidly with the situation, things could stay the same. You are just beginning.

Sorry for your pain.

If her affair crumples, that will be fine, but I think there will be too many things that I won't be able to get past even if she comes back. I have been fighting for this for the past six months. But as they say, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

The odds are not in my favor on this one right now. I can't rule anything out but she's burned a lot of goodwill with me and there's been too much hurt. I don't think he wins if he's with her. She and he may view it as winning, but quite frankly, I think they will never have the kind of relationship they think the will.

But I'm sticking with the plan. We had plan A the past 6 months, which is how long Dr. Harley says to do it. She's pissed at me for the exposure and not talking to me, so we're into plan B, as much separation as possible.

Sir,
You need to sleep with that recorder at night!
She may try to set you up for domestic violence to definitely CYA

Her parents came to stay w/ us so I don't think she'll try to pull any sh*t like that. I've also told people that she may try to do that, to cover myself. I'm giving her a wide berth when we're at home.

Have you exposed the affair to your children?

Don't trust her parents.
Divorce is war. They are your enemy's ally.

The children just turned 3. I don't think they would understand and I don't want to use them as pawns (as that would surely be used against me in a custody issue).