I have received an invitation to the wake and service for BIL. The wording is this "I understand that BIL family to you too, and I feel that it would be wrong to exclude you."

Otherwise it was clear they were 'us' family, and I am not. I would be in a hotel, paying for plane tickets and a rental car.

Do I go?

No, do not go.
You are in Plan B

Luna,

How did you get this invite? Did it go through your IM?
It should have not been forwarded to you.

Luna I am sorry I do not know what to tell you to do. Hopefully Indie will be on soon, she was in Plan B for way longer than me.

You could also email the radio show.

That is a great idea. I will do that now - and wish I had done it last night.

Wrote to Radio show but in the mean time decided I'm not going for various reasons, the biggest of which is that my main responsibility is taking care of myself and no one else.

I am glad you made a decision and it is probably the best thing as the "friends" will probably be there.

Just send some flowers

Hon, stay dark even during tragedy. This isn't happening to him it is happening to an alien. If he needs your comfort the way to you is lighted by your Plan B letter.

I think your IM could benefit from the training thread as it would save her time. She is working too hard passing on too much. All she has to do is block, block, block.

The good part, if you can call it that, of a month away from him and then having to dealing with him again is that it makes me realize I really don't want this marriage.

We were walking home one night when we were still together this past summer and he was, frankly, drunk. I wouldn't talk about something he wanted to so he refused to hold my hand. He was drunk enough that it was not subtle at all, but rather obvious that he was doing it to punish me and control me. Looking back on that, it represents what I have been enduring for five years but I was not able to so clearly see it.

Between the manipulation, the draining of my emotional and financial resources, the constant parade of new women and people I've had to compete with this past year, I just don't want to live this way anymore. I've been fighting to get back... misery.

I actually had to sit at drinks and listen to him brag about how his new crew of female enablers (intern boss and master's advisor) were caretaking him. I had no words.

I know this isn't supposed to be a blog, but I am trying to remind myself and perhaps share with you guys why I want to move on.

Well this sounds encouraging, keep up the good Plan Luna......

Thank you SC, Indie and JK.

Plan Luna!

I expected this. It happened to me and to nearly everybody. It doesn't mean there isn't some hard days ahead. But I had lots of bright days for every hard one.

Blog away! We have a go at people who are blogging events when urgent action is needed, but that isn't the case for you any more.

Your mission now is to live. When you are strong tell us, and when you are weak tell us. You will find that temptation to peek will still happen and the fact I would have to fess up on here while blogging kept me from doing that.

There are some people who fall prey and plan not to tell but the change in their mood and recovery is pretty obvious.

Successful Plan B threads are also a help to people coming up behind. From my perspective it was my savour, a castle filled with plenty in the forest of want, but to most people Plan B is just a big vast void without love, or a future or indeed a plan.

If they read threads like yours (I really see a success story here) then it isn't quite so scary.

That indie, she is an awesome woman, she has lived your experience listen to her and keep on your Plan Luna

Thanks Indie and SC.

Things are good. I'm tired and have just a tad too much to do, but I'm trying to get through one day at a time.

I think you are right Indie, this is going to be a bonanza of plenty once I get things settled to a more comfortable spot. I'll never settle for so little from a man ever again.

IM knows I only need to know two issues relevant to the D and otherwise it all good to go. (Need a signature on the car title, which was already agreed that I would keep and I want to buy back a bike accessory that was mine from childhood. Don't see a reason for problems.)

We have a famous person working on our film (that I wrote!) and lots of people keep telling me how much they like the script. One of my profs worked closely on it, so he of course is responsible for some of the credit. But one compliment that just warms heart is that this prof loves one of the lines that I threw in, with a little trepidation because it was out there, but I loved it too. So I went for it - and won!

It looks like, besides school work, I'll just have to work a week or two this summer and then be able to have some down time to readjust and purge things down to what is important to me. Or, if I do get work that fits in the summer time frame, I'll be in the most amazing financial shape of my life. Either way, things are really going well.

Now to just get the paper work done so I don't have that hanging over my head...

Just out of curiosity,

Do you ever pull all nighters on school work?

JK, no I don't do that except in dire circumstances (few times in my life). Sleep always pays off better than a few hours working while exhausted.

And right now, I think lack of sleep would push me off into depression. I'm doing everything I can to stay out of that pit, because I don't want to be fighting that and making all these changes in my life at the same time.

Self care above all.

Feeling a bit guilty for not being at the funeral today but it really would not have been good for me to be there. Sure he spun some terrible story about me to his family.

Ugh, packing some stuff and found our marriage builders exercises. We stopped filling out the UA worksheets in April. Makes me sad - if we had just keep going, perhaps things could be better. I know I had a part in all this.

On the other hand, he wrote that he wanted less of my conversation on reactions to things, but then on another part said I was dishonest when I didn't tell him I was upset. Huh? That seems like a contradiction.

Dr. H (son) thought we could work things out but H was just not interested and that is when things with other people really started ramping up. Sad, sad, sad. Hard knowing it is just such an unnecessary waste.

Lest you think I am wallowing, (five minutes, maybe), I did get my homework done and am working on my list of self-care for stuff I need to take tomorrow to make my life easier. I had the impulse to call him and ask for the zillionth time if he really would not change his mind. I did not do it. Yay me.

Listen, anyone can change.
My ex wife is by many standards a complete failure at this point in her life...BUT
She could turn that around if she wanted to.
I can't imagine having anything to do with her at this point in time, but if she seriously left the OM, read all of Dr. Harley's books and listened to his daily radio show for a year...then I honestly dont know.

But you can spend your life wondering about what-ifs and where would it lead you?