I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place to post, so apologies if it isn't. My husband of 22 years (and 4 sons later) became a heavy drinker about 10 years ago. Only a year ago did I grow a spine, examine myself, and decide I wouldn't live like this anymore for my sake and the sake of my sons. Last February 14th I told him I was leaving if he didn't stop drinking and that his drinking was destroying our family.

Fast forwarding to the present... he is 9 mo. sober...yaya! There have been wonderful changes made and they began 2 months into his sobriety. I do not dismiss all the hard work on his part. But...all of a sudden, perhaps in the last month or two, he has become verbally combative. Nothing heavy, no big arguments, which we have never had even when he was drunk. Just this verbal combativeness that makes me feel like I have to always restate what I'm saying because he doesn't understand me correctly, took me out of context, or plays devils advocate to the extreme. He will do this over the goofiest of things, I just don't understand. My first thought is, is he drinking again. I don't know and if anyone is familiar with alcoholics, truth in that regard is pretty nonexistent. The other verbal thing bothering the heck out of me is that if I start to speak, or answer a question, he will just start talking over me as if I hadn't uttered a word. Its very rude.
I'm just so tired of verbal games. I've spent so many years protecting him, covering, tiptoeing, you name it, I was a grade A enabler. I'm tired of it.
Wondering if any of you have experienced this and what your thoughts are?

KAte, first off I would ask him to take a alcohol test on a regular basis. I would make this a condition of staying together.

And secondly, develop a no tolerance policy for his abusive behavior. If you don't do something to create a REAL marriage, you will end up divorced. You don't have to be that way.

The steps to transforming your marriage are in the "start here first" thread at the top of this forum. If I were you, I would start with the book Lovebusters and do the lessons in it.

Is there any reason to suspect an affair?

It is not uncommon for a spouse to start finding fault in or become more combative with their partner during an A. If this just came out of the blue, and is not normal behavior for him before or following his sobriety, this would be my first thought.

I am also thinking of the vulnerability to A's in a coed AA meeting here. Does he attend those?