Quick bit of background. My wife went on holidays overseas to visit her young (10yo) half brother who lives in Thailand. I encouraged her to start with a weeks holiday to make the most it and also to take a good friend of ours who was going through divorce, we thought it would do her good.

Long story short, while on that holiday she was drunk at a club and kissed another guy. 2 days later through a series of events he spent the night with her and they kissed again. The following night they showered together and then had sex. (it sounds even more horrible when you put it down in words....)

Anyway, I knew something was wrong and she told me on the phone before coming home. Upon returning we talked a lot and took the first appointment we could get with a psychologist. We've done individual sessions and are not onto couples sessions.

Yesterday during the session the psychologist stopped the session and asked to speak to me along. She said she felt as though my wife was holding back and may be withdrawing from the relationship. She also said that she doesn't see the amount of effort she would expect to see from the person who cheated if they really wanted to make things right.

I talked to my wife about this and after leaving her alone to think (and cry) for a few hours she now says that she is not sure if she wants to be with me or not.

I have been really struggling with the cheating, however I have decided that I will do everything I can to make things right, because after all, i did say for better or worse... The thing that is frustrating me, is that she isn't doing the same. She is the one who cheated....

Our marriage has had problems since it began (3 years ago) however I truly believed things were getting much better the last 6 - 12 months.

I suppose my question is what do I do? I'm obviously putting myself on the line to be crushed yet again if she turns around and decides not to give our marriage a red hot go... Should I cut my losses, sweep up what's left of my dignity and leave?

Up until now I at least felt as though I was somewhat in control of our fate as a couple. It was on me if I should stay or go, but now it feels like she has all of that power, and I'm not only a very devastated man, I am also totally reliant on the one who caused me this pain....

Just very confused as to what I should do... Apart from have a beer.

Well, your psychologist is correct: Your wife is not in love with you.

Dr. Harley's program RESTORES romantic love after an affair.

Your first step is to expose her affair to family and friends. Please read this link and return after you have done so:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

Hello, Aussie, and welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.


I doubt this psychologist knows much about affairs, because we usually don't see much amount of effort on the part of a wayward wife, at least not at first. Your situation is very typical.

Dr. Harley does specialize in infidelity, and his program here has excellent results at winning winning wives back to the marriage. In addition to the excellent advice you will receive here on this forum, I recommend you read:

How Dr. Harley Learned to Save Marriages

and view:

Infidelity: What Every Couple Should Know

Very.
And there is a lot you can do. As a man, you are in a very good position to win your wife back. Read up on Plan A.

Do you own a copy of Surviving an Affair? If not, I suggest you get one. You can download one from amazon and start reading tonight.

Have you exposed her affair?
Is she still in contact with the OM?

This list is from Surviving an Affair:

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.