im fraid to list who I exposed to as he knew about this forum when we were discussing what was then my Plan A idea...I directed him only to the DJ/EN etc parts of lovebusters. Suffice it to say those who have any influence at all, a half dozen at best, know my side of the story and EA "friend" is cause though Im sure hell tell them thats a symptom and Im the problem. Well sometimes doctors HAVE to treat the symptoms first because some things are idio(t)pathic...but I digress

I will have to have minimal text contact as we are coordinating the apt rental. He has no cash, no credit but a good job so I will likely have to cosign a short lease unless I luck out on a roommate scenario with an older male or something for him. Hes already complaining what to do with Harley, not enough furniture etc. I said you lose certain comforts when you leave your family over either an idiot OW "FRIEND" or to defend something on principal thats not worth defending, ie double life. He wanted to know why I wasnt suffering/sacrificing too? (I will be, I have to get a 2nd job and keep biz)
Um, becaude Im not having an emotional affair maybe??

Comments like that really make me think how deep is this fog? And hell no, Im never going to be around this homewrecking, Twitter blocking ho as his friend to keep. maybe she or his privacy can be bothered to drive him to surgery and give a cluck after no one else is left...

Grrr. Going to be hard to take the high road but Im going to try to be civil and dark on the contact. It will help my sanity

ps just got SAA tonight, starting reading on Kindle now!

Can you use an intermediary to make such plans with him (rental, furniture, etc)? It's not a good idea to text. It gets too emotional and leads to angry texts. Have someone else do it.

In plan B you should have NC with your WH at all, not even minimal texting. Use your IM for finances, etc. He is on his own in plan B.

He needs to figure out where to live, furniture, etc.

You should not sign a lease or worry about getting him a roommate.
Those are his problems, not yours. He has a good job after all.

You should take care of yourself and not be concerned with him at all.

The problem is that, by law, he is still allowed access to the marital home. If he doesn't have a place to live, he'll be back and there is nothing she can do about it. It's not to her advantage to move out of the marital home, unless she has no other choice.

You need to get an IM and they can relay all the needed communication. Have you changed locks?

Did you tell his son? Did you contact OWBF?

You need to make sure and expose to her side also.

Changing locks may not be legal in her state. She needs to ask an attorney. Her Husband may have every right to use the marital home as he wishes, unless there is a court order of some sort. She should make sure to follow the law.

She is owner of the house and it's legal for anyone to change their own locks. We have seen this very thing for many years on this board. It isn't illegal for her to change her own locks. She needs to change them.

She needs to get away from the abuse of his affair.

I totally agree with this.

Do not sign a lease with him. You need to go completely dark.

He is a big boy and needs to take care of himself. He has a job so he can take care of himself.

Do not sign a lease with him.

Was he caring on his affair while at work? With a co-worker?

Is your bishop really suggesting that you help your soon-to-be ex-husband keep his misdeeds secret?
The bible says, (well at least mine does) that you should speak to someone who is doing sin in private. If that does not work, you should speak to him with some elders. If that does not work, you should expose it to the community.
Obviously, speaking to your husband has had no results and if the good bishop would be doing the work he is being paid so well for, he would have volunteered to go to your husband wharever he is and speak with him.

I would most certainly tell the people in your church about your sorrows and about what devastating things have come on to your marriage by your husband's choice. They should support you.
If you say nothing, they will draw their own conclusions and may believe your husband who is telling the world that he has done nothing wrong.

Also, I totally agree that you should have no contact with your husband. None.
That you are even thinking about making this more easy for him, shows how much he has worn you down, during your marriage and during the last few months.
Did you have generalized anxiety befor you were married to him? Because it may very well be, that his independent behaviour and failure to make you feel safe have contributed to your health problems.

He made his bed, so he will have to go lie in it.

As to exposure: Your best allies, may be your children. He has children, so by all means expose to them and ask them for their help and influence to make him see the error of his ways. You may als want to ask your fellow church members who have known him in the past. They may call him and ask him why he is contacting other women, although his wife has expressly told him that she will separate over that.

If you do this ---> you will be in Plan C which is most likely to lead to divorce. Not Plan B.

Please read this.
BSs Plan C is not a Plan

Ok problem is in my state he does per atty have right to home access unless I grt him out. You guys dont get it. This is not a guy you can just go change locks on ...ex military, not very calm, I had to hide weapons before even considering feeling safe in a conversation. Im not going to likely sign a lease as I am already on my daughters but since this is an EA in a no fault state I have bupkiss to just force him out. I can use an intermediary etc but jeezus folks I just had the actual full reveal yesterday, I had NO TIME to prepare anything as I was expecting him to KNOCK THIS CRAP OFF if it realky was justa friend. what moron leaves a marriage over a Tweetheart ? Shes 6 states away

And to answer the questiin, Skankyhola has no real BF I could find other than pseudo Twiter friend number 2 who appears to be a hobbyist and therefore doesnt care. I have no address not even sure this is her real name shes a Twitter ID! Phone records arent coming up

there is no PA at work, we used to work together and I have friends there still in contact

If he gets violent or crazy you call the cops.

Read the Plan C post. I need to go back to bed, I was up sick and hope I can get a few more hours sleep.

I know I can call cops if needed, I got questioned just having people check in every 15-30 min. Hes pisssed I obviously have a few people in the know. For a biker dude so DILLIGAF he sure seems concerned by what I tell people in comparison.

Not sure what to do to get the separation going better, but im. Ot going to go dark until I get him completely out minus nonessential items intermediary can address. He has again no credit and no cash for a week were inbetween pay cyles on 15th. We each have exactly 300. I did not help him get a CC due to lrior poor money choices by him (we are debt free except for home I pay cash or dont buy it) so he does not have options since no friend will take him. I have made clear an inhouse separation will not take place which was his proposal I said nope, weve done that already in essence and for my health I need him gone

for those who had a successful (reconciled) plan B , how soon can it happen? If he were to send NC letter in front of me. Agree to terms, delete Twitter, rather than sleep in his truck which may be his option, is that success? I laid out specific terms last night and the window is closing today on him having to make a decision.

Its wishful thinking I know as im sure he'll choose the principal of the matter over me anyway but im not sure I will still care after 2 or 3 months away. I see two year reunions. After all my pain its hard to think that could ever be me. I probably got to this point too late. He always said im. Ot sure I love you the way you love me (post discovery last month). I told him last night thats no longer a problem, I think we're finally on level ground.

he then said wow, your love is fickle then. Unbelievable

To answer above, I was diagnosed with GAD 2 mos ago, around time of early discovery. It is derivational of my sitch with him and the prior job stress.

my bishop tried to talk to him, but an Odin worshipping Heathen doesnt give two flips what a Mormon bishop has to say.

ENORMOUS religious differences now. Will not speak to his friends, my friends, only Skankyhola via DMS and swears not about this (yeah right). His son hates me because his mom the ex wanted to get back 5 years into our relationship and WH said hell no. So I am blocked on phone and FB from him and have no contact as he lives with his mother. We bave not spoken in nearly 2 years and I couldnt if I wanted to. He would only villify me anyway. Son does not basically speak to dad either. Hence my comment WH has no real family. Everyone was long gone, I am his last friend.

well and the Twitter chick LOL. hope shes up for the job of being his who, e support system.

Will he do this?

This list is from Surviving an Affair:

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

I will print this off and keep. This is pretty close to what exactly I outlined

given his obstinacy, Id bet no

Then if he isn't willing to do the steps to end his affair and do what it takes to work on recovery then you need to get in a dark Plan B.

Have you written him a Plan B letter?