Where do I begin. About three months ago my husband and I started reading His Needs Her Needs, how to build an affair proof marriage. About half way through it my husband is so angry at this book and the scenarios he throws the book on the ground and walks out. I tried everything to fix our marriage because he became extremely distant after the baby was born (he was only 4 months old at this time) and my husband was being so mean and hurtful and distant to us. Didn't want much to do with the baby and would get angry if I asked for help. Well after he got angry about this book the next day he confessed to cheating when we were dating and also having sex with someone else right before our wedding 5 years ago. He also said he got into pornography and other things for a few months but that story keeps changing. I just died when he told me this. The worst part was he threw it in my face and was not remorseful at all! Never apologized. I was so hurt by this news and the fact that he hid it from me for all these years and is just now coming out with it I asked him to go to his parents and tell them what he told me so maybe they can talk some sense into him since he isn't acting remorseful. He was like a brick wall. Watched me cry for three hours straight and never said one word. In fact I stopped crying and looked up at him for a second and he was picking his nose! Well turns out he didn't go to his parents he got a hotel. I caught him cheating with some really young girl he used to work with. She used to be a stripper and is only 21 years old, covered in tattoos and just no morals at all. Once I called him out on this current affair he had nothing to say so I told him I want a divorce and filed that week. He gave me full custody as long as I gave him all the assets to our house which is not very much at all. Maybe 10 grand. Now here I am moved in with my parents and trying to learn to be a single mom with a 7 month old baby boy who is the light of my world. Meanwhile my husband has no one but her. I'm just struggling with his actions and lack of remorse. How could he do this to me and the baby! We were so in love and perfect so I thought. I guess it's just finding out that he was a completely different person than I thought he was. We both grew up in the Christian church and are very solid in our faith and have such a good foundation. His family backs me up 100% and he has no friends. I did see some red flags before but I trusted him with all my heart I never knew he was like this. Now my friends are seeing him all over town with his affair and I've even run into her twice it's been so awkward. Who is this person? He says he is "satisfied to his core" and this is his soul mate. He asks to see the baby once every 10 days or so for just 30 minutes then has to go. He looks at me differently too. The other thing is I have a solid career, make good money, I've always been told how attractive I am, and then he leaves me for a 21 year old girl who isn't attractive at all with a disgusting job and no future. I'm feeling so betrayed and hurt. We've been together for 8 years and I'm at least so happy I got my beautiful baby boy out of all this. I'm only 28 so I know I have a bright future ahead it's just hard to see it right now. I'm feeling like he is some crazy sex addict or something or could it be the current affair he is in that's making him act insane? I know I'm better off at this point but it's just so hard.

So sorry this has happened to you Sunset.
Have you exposed his affair?

Hi, Sunset,

* You need to make sure to tell everybody in your lives about his affair. Tell people the truth, and ask them to support you. It's important for the wayward not to be sheltered from the consequences of their actions - eventually some of them do wake up.
* As long as he is unremorseful, every contact with him is going to hurt you horribly. Dr. Harley has a plan called "Plan B" which can protect you from this. You arrange it so that you and he have no contact at all until he is willing to end his affair. I think it is vitally important that you read about Plan B and begin it as soon as possible for your mental health.

Are you legally divorced now?

Thanks guys, yes I have exposed the affair to everyone. And we are not legally divorced until April of next year. I will read up on this plan B. I have his book so I'll look into it. I just fear having him ask to see our son and not being there for it. Also doing plan B is just to help me or is it to help reconcile? I cannot reconcile at this point there is too much damage and no remorse. And what if he never ends the affair?

Yes I have exposed the affair. Everyone knows. He has lost all his friends and family over this but doesn't care

Plan B is to help you. That is one of the most misunderstood points about Plan B. Plan B can be used by people divorcing or by people who want to reconcile.


Then you should definitely never reconcile with him, and I would stay in Plan B for life.


I would ask an attorney what your options might be as far as limiting his contact with your child. If anything is making you fearful, then that is something that needs to be addressed legally. Some people are able to get moral clauses in their divorce decree preventing the wayward spouse from taking the children around their affair partners, for example.

Waywards make terrible parents and are often uninterested in their children at all - some choose to never exercise their visitation rights. And frequently their children don't want to have anything to do with them. My mother ended her marriage with an affair, and I quit seeing her entirely while I was a teenager.

That is good - it still puts pressure on him and may eventually cause him to wake up.

Even if you never reconcile with him it is still in your son's best interest for his father's affair to end, so it's a good thing it has been exposed.

Plan B is for you! It is to protect you and help you to heal.

So true! I do want him to be a good father to our son and it is extremely hard to see him with hickeys on his neck and smelling like her perfume. It scars me! Plan b it is. I'll read up on it tonight. Thanks so much for the advice

He will never be a good fatter to your baby as long as he is in an affair.

The selfishness that drove him to not care while you were pregnant and recently had your baby will prempt him from taking proper responsibility in the future.

Have you filed for Child Support?

LTL

Visible hickeys on his neck from his adultery partner?
Good grief! Are you talking about a teenage boy or a grown man?
Your husband is a disgrace to himself!

Sunset: You need to be strong for yourself and child. That means you need to find out about the OW. Do you know her name? Can you expose the affair to her family? Do a background check on the OW too and check to make sure she has no criminal record.

Regarding your WH, he is a douche and a horrible man. You need to realize he always had poor character but you probably ignored it. Now it came out and thank god it happened now rather than in 20 years from now. You're young enough to find someone with good morals and a good sincere person.

Don't be so quick to give into his settlement. Get as much as you can for you and your baby. He needs to walk away with nothing. I know this doesn't happen, but we can only wish.
Good Luck and we're here for you!

Who did you expose to on the OW's side?

Your story touched my heart. You deserve so much better. I'll pray for you and your lo.