Thanks for the link Indie. Lots of great information there.

My daughter is still being selfish and entitled but I am determined to not let it get to me.

She's still living with BF but she keeps saying they are going to move out. She seriously treats him like a piece of dirt the way she speaks to him. I think it would be best at this stage that they go their separate ways. Looks like it could be any day now if they just hurry up and make the decision.

If it comes down to it, I think I will have to let her move back in as I don't think she can find anywhere else. But if this happens there are going to be lots of changes and I won't be tolerating any more of her disrespect. Things are going to be a lot different and she will find out quickly I'm not putting up with any more nonsense.

We'll see how it goes over the next few weeks.

So update on my daughter. My daughter moved out of where her and BF were staying. I offered her to move in here and told her my rules.

She told me my rules were BS and stormed out of the house. She then moved in with a girlfriend for about a week.

Then I get a visit from her a week later and she tells me her and BF are back together and she's moved back in with him.

I seriously don't think this is a good idea and she knows but refuses to listen. Sigh. I guess she will have to learn the hard way.

Things are okay with me. I've been feeling really sad these last few weeks because my son told me him and WH have now moved into the new house that WH and OW have bought together. It's so hard to deal with this. It's not really something my son can keep from me because it's a big deal him going to a new house (when he's not with me). I did know this was coming but it's just so hard you know.

I'm feeling quite sad with Christmas approaching and wondering how to get through this time. But determined to make it wonderful and special for my little boy. We always do such fun things at Christmas.

I have a few weeks off over Christmas so if I can afford I think I might take my son away for a short trip maybe a week. Think I need some quiet time.

This may seem strange but I do not know if I am still married. As mentioned earlier, the first divorce hearing got adjourned because WH had not served papers correctly. My WH's 19 year old son, who I get along well with came to my house and had me re-sign the divorce papers which I did.

So his son gives me a copy of the new papers and it has a new court date 29th October. Either me or WH had to go as we have a child under 18. Obviously I didn't go.

So a few days after the set date, IM gets an email saying that WH forgot to go to hearing and wondering if I had turned up.

So because we both didn't go, I'm wondering if they will adjourn it again for a second time or if they will completely dismiss it.

I'm wondering if I should ring the court and find out or if they would tell me? Just wondering if I'm still married or not.

I never wanted any of this.

Or should I not worry about any of this and let WH deal with it when the crap hits the fan when OW finds out he didn't go?

I deliberately didn't go because I'm not the one who wanted this. I still love him so much.

I guess he made all this mess, let him deal with it yes?

It's kind of strange not knowing if you are still married or not.

I guess I'll know eventually if the court sends the final divorce statement.

I guess for now I'll still assume that I am married.

rocksolid,

You need to know if you are married or not.
This affects tax filings, life insurance, pensions etc.
You should have an attorney, even if it's some cheap guy just out of college with a runny nose or (preferably) an experienced one.

If you can't afford any attorney at all, then at a very minimum go to the Court Clerk office and ask the Clerk if the hearing took place and what the outcome was. You will need to get copies of any Divorce Decree for banks, IRS, etc.

Oh, as for your daughter.
She's a "renter" in a "renter" relationship and these fights are common in such relationships.

I think the best way you could help your daughter is by attending a Bible teaching Church and eventually inviting her to visit with you. She will then be exposed to many people who share the philosophy of marital commitment.

As for your husband and the OW buying a house together, that's really unwise because he is in a renter relationship while in the fog!
That's double danger!
They will inevitably break up and then some accountant or lawyer will tell him not to buy houses with women that he isn't married to!

Call the county law office and find out the status of the decree. The number might be there on the paperwork.

Most Counties have the Case Status posted online.

LTL

So I rang the court this morning to find out the outcome. They told me the divorce was granted and will be final on the 30th November.

I broke down and can't stop crying. I never wanted this. I know he was pushed into doing this.

How do I get through this? I feel so broken and it feels so final. OW has got what she wanted. Me and him divorced.

I'm sick of feeling like this. I want to have a great 2015. I don't want another year of hurt.

I wish I wasn't in love and I wish I didn't care so much. I feel it would be easier if I hated him.

How do I stop caring??

What positives can I take out of being divorced?

You have 30 days typically to Vacate that judgment without too much of a hassle.

If you don't even know the terms of the decision, or if you don't want the divorce, you Should do that immediately. Don't let the clock run out.

LTL

In Australia the laws are different. Anyone can get a divorce and there's basically nothing you can do. It's too late it can't be stopped it will go through.
Because we have been separated more than a year anyone can file divorce and get one. The only way they would stop one is in an extreme case where the child is being g abused or something.

Dr Harley seemed to think it was a good idea to divorce. He thought that would be the clock on WH's A to end?

Indie described it as a great Art of War move. Handing the OW what she thinks she wants when really it is a hollow victory for her.

Even if neither party, The Plaintiff or The Respondent showed up at the hearing?

LTL

Yep the laws suck here.

You are out of marital limbo hell and can move forward rebuilding your life.

Exactly, but what blackraven said is more relevant. It's all about you now.

So where now?

Thanks blackraven and indie. You are correct.

Today I went indoor rope climbing with my son. It was so much fun even though I was totally hopeless! I was so scared to come down from the ropes as you have to free fall down with just your harness. But I did it. And I went back up and did lots of other ropes really high. My son was awesome and could make it right up to the top. He is such a dare devil. I didn't go up very high as I'm not very strong but I still did it and had fun.

I didn't think of WH for the whole hour. Yay me!

I've decided that 2015 is going to be about me. I am going to do my accounts administration course which will be 2 nights a week. If I can afford, I am going to take on a creative writing course online. It's not too expensive to do the starter course 'Unlocking Creativity' to see if I like it.

I think the key is to totally fill up my life and be so busy that I don't have time to think about WH.

I really want to get to the point where I become indifferent. I do not want to hurt anymore.

This pain this last year has been unbearable and I can finally see that this pain is literally killing me and I can't feel this pain anymore.


My goal is to be over him by the end of 2015. Do you think this would be possible? I will always love him but I simply CANNOT hurt like this anymore. It is way too painful.

So even if one day he were to come back, I want to be able to think clearly and not be emotional.

I'm not wasting another year being miserable.

It's my time to shine. I want to find new activities. I want to be super busy.

I'm even thinking of starting fun runs, just short ones at first. I used to run in high school and might get back into it.

I even saw there was a triathlon in March for women. Very casual and just for fun and you even get a medal for participating. It's very short, just a 1 km run, 3km bike ride and 100 metres swim. I am totally unfit and not a good swimmer but think I could do it.

Jedi I know you are into triathlons, do you think I could get fit enough by March to enter something like this, considering only a short distance?

And keeping in mind it's really just a fun day so I guess it doesn't matter how fit you are! The only thing is I would have to buy a bicycle which I don't have. But that would be a good excuse to start riding too!

Oh even better the triathlon is to raise money for Cancer too

I've also started looking at things online to do with my son over the Christmas holidays. We are going to go ice skating and we are going to learn indoor snow boarding.

I'm ready to try new things and new challenges.

I will be open to lots of suggestions to fill up my life!

Yes, you can prepare for the race by March.
The important step is to have a training program to follow.
The local YMCA may be have a group training program available that you can participate in.

Yes, by March you will be able to do this. You have four months to work on getting ready.

Congratulations on your getting your life and your physical fitness back.

That's good to know Jedi. I will look into what I can do. It felt good to do some exercise on the ropes yesterday.

Thanks I'mNotReady2Quit. It does feel good to have a bit of a plan and things to look forward to.