Of course, I always do. I have every other Sunday afternoon off to myself. That's it. It's the only time I can do some things, and I schedule things like meetings with my engineer, like I did for tomorrow afternoon. So tomorrow it looks like I will have to take my girls with me. Again, she didn't ask, she didn't say a damn thing to me until I had to ask her tonight if I was keeping them.

Frankly, I think she is retaliating for the dog situation. Passive-aggressive, like always.

The answer to your situation is, and for a long time now, has always been, Plan B.

I had an acquaintance at my work who regularly complained to me about his ex, and did that for over 25 years. He is still doing it; I left. That is your future. You need to extract yourself from this drama and stop just blogging about it. I know that you say you have reasons why you can't Plan B. The guy I knew had all sorts of reasons, too. In the end, it became obvious to me that he kept on doing it because he enjoyed it too much. Continually pointing out the faults of his ex made him feel better about himself. Is that you, too?

No, that is not me. If you read what I wrote, I was writing about the incident. Things are not as they were a year ago. Our interactions are much more civil. She is starting to reap the benefits of divorce by not being able to pay for vet bills. Not helping her does not equate to being a duck - it's not my responsibility. There have to be consequences to her actions.

I am being nice to her while she struggles. At some point I am hoping the fog will break and all the time I've been nice to her will redeem as love bank units. On the other hand, I am not counting on it, either.

Regarding the vet bill, I am glad I didn't just write her a check because I had to ask my landlord to hold my rent check til next payday. It would have bounced.

Anyone else agree there?

NO!!!

Your continuous temperament with your Ex-W is riddled with many, manyBIG Love Busters.

But, you will still debate that rather than correct it.

That's probably why so many posters stop giving you encouragement and proper advice, sorry to say.

You just don't see what everyone else does.

LTL

No, I have not been that way with her since springtime. Nothing but civil and pleasant. You are confusing my past frustration on here for love busters toward her. She never sees or hears anything like that any more.

I ask for a consensus because one day I get someone telling me I have to Plan A, and another day I get Plan B. Right now I am doing as much of a Plan A as I feel I can.

Interesting day today. As you may know, I have a one-hour train commute to work. This morning as the train was at the stop before mine, I came out of my resting position (I was snoozing for most of the trip) to get my stuff ready to go. I started feeling dizzy, and very slowly felt like I was losing consciousness. This went on for a few minutes and another passenger asked if I was okay. I turned pale and started shaking, and I literally felt like I might be croaking. It was rather terrifying. So the conductor had an ambulance come to the station and the EMTs came and checked me out. It took probably a half hour and a bottle of powerede I happened to bring to where I was feeling better. We surmise that I was very dehydrated, which can cause all the symptoms I was having. I did not know dehydration can feel so much like croaking.

Made me think about my family and what would happen if I were to meet an untimely demise. It makes me want my family together even more.

Incidentally, while this was all happening, I apparently was supposed to be at a child support hearing, but I never got a notification. I got a voicemail reminding me that the court can punish me, yadda yadda. I will have to straighten it out tomorrow (hopefully). I am not fond of the extortionist tactics of these people.

BlindsidedNM, when is the last time you:
* read a thread besides your own? (Which thread?)
* listened to the Marriage Builders radio show?

Last time I read a thread all the way through was maybe 6 or 8 weeks ago. I've read parts of threads as recently as last week. I wish I had more time to read the forum. I do not post on anyone else's yet because I don't feel like I have been far enough through whatever process it is I am going through to offer sound advice.

Radio show - I have heard every one for the past 3 weeks while at work or on the train. I particularly liked today's where Dr. Harley addressed the guy dating the married woman and went through all the reasons why you should not have an affair. It is shows like that I wish my xW would hear.

Also, you forget that I have very little free time, I have my kids on weekends and we are doing something fun most of the time, and trying to start a company on top of it all. Add to it my health issues that prevent me from burning any midnight oil (or I'd end up in the ER). You can say that I am "making excuses" but those are facts. It is really no surprise that I ended up in an ambulance this morning when I think about it.

It is very important to have a life insurance policy. Do you have one with your kids named as the beneficiaries?

Yep.

I was dehydrated and my electrolytes were probably way out of whack. It certainly felt like I was croaking, I tell ya. I don't recommend it.

Just a quick entry. What a week from hell. I thought the Tuesday near-death experience was enough, but I got sick with my kids' virus right after. Felt like death warmed over all week, especially tonight. Haven't been this sick in a couple years.

Then this morning I get a text from the xW saying her and the girls had been in a car accident. Some woman pulled out in front of her and she Tboned her good. Airbags deployed, car may be a total loss. She just finished paying it off. Everyone is okay, thank God. Fire truck, ambulance, snarled traffic, the whole enchilada. As I am in a sort of Plan A, I asked her if there was anything I could do, offered help - no judgments or LBs. She thanked me but was waiting for the rental car company to get a car to her. The cops charged the other driver and thank God the lady has insurance.

Also talked to the xFIL again. Seems there is some strife between him and the xW, and I think her sister is getting fed up with the situation also. xFIL reiterated his position of complete unacceptance of POSOM and refuses to come visit if he stays over, and he refuses to get a motel room. POSOM is also not welcome in his house. Now, I did not influence him, in case you're wondering. He is a Christian and adheres to Bible doctrine. One would think it will have an effect on xWs relationship with POSOM at some point.

That's about it for now.. been extremely busy otherwise, no time to write the letter, but have been listening to the show daily.

BTW, my iPhone app is stuck on October 10. What's up with that?

It depends what you mean by "stuck". Whenever the Harleys don't produce a new program, they run a "best of" program in its place. That is why you see an October program. Any program stays in the app until you either tap the "Stop" button, or the device removes the player from memory while the app is in the background. When you tap "Play", the app retrieves whatever program is offered by the server at that moment in time. The program normally changes shortly after 1:00 pm Central time. So, tap "Stop" and then "Play", and you will be listening to the currently available offering.

Had my girls form Christmas afternoon til just now (Sunday eve). Had a nice time with them, was in a decent mood until I dropped them off at the WM exchange and I saw the POSOM in her car - first time for that. I bet they had a super time all by themselves with no little kids to interrupt their fun.

Right now I feel like going old testament on that mother******, to be honest. How someone can be with a person who willingly breaks up a family is unfathomable to me. The fog is as heavy as ever and she is never coming out.

Great that you had a wonderful time with your kids.
The POSOM isn't worth blowing a gasket over. He is nothing really.

Your ex is deeply entrenched in her romance with him BUT her best days were most likely with you.

Take some sustenance in that. You two were married, not causing others great pain and had kids and........ that is hard to top.

Keep healing.

She might disagree with you.

It doesn't matter what she thinks.

Any BS would react the same way to this situation. Other BSs don't because they don't put themselves through this. They go into a dark Plan B and insulate themselves from the drama. Why do you think Dr. Harley recommends Plan B for these situations? I know enough of your story to know that you have ruled out a Plan B with no good reason for doing so. So, you are doing this to yourself. As long as you continue to expose yourself to your WxW, you can look forward to lots of these experiences. It is your choice to do so.

As if anyone gives a sh*t, I have been sick with the flu, now I have kidney failure after being dehydrated for god knows how long.

xW dropped off the girls in POSOMs car. The same one that was parked in front of MY house when I caught them together. I lost my sh*t. My 3 year old does not regard me as her father, but the POSOM, since he has been in her presence more than I have since she was an infant. I am not watching her anymore, and maybe not the other one either.

As of right now I AM DONE. I am about one rung away from shutting off the goddamn lights. This life SUCKS I am in HELL and I am DONE.

I am sorry you have been sick. This has been a particularly bad flu season for lots of people.

As for your situational depression, the answer is obvious. Change the situation. In entrenched cases like this, any BS who doesn't eventually seek the protection of Plan B will find themselves feeling like you do now.

Sir,

Im sorry to hear you are sick.
Have you been able to work this week?