Currently I am reading surviving an affair. I am the wayward husband though that wants to reconcile my marriage. I have been married for 14 years, I have been a wayward husband before about 4 years into the marriage. I was working a lot of hours like 80 hrs a week, we were arguing a lot and I would go to work just to get away from the house. In that affair I never had sex with the woman, and any affair after that. I have realized where I have messed up and it was because I was always working too much for either of us to make deposits into each other's love banks. About 5 years later I had two affairs going on one was a little more physical and the other was a texting affair, I ended both of those and never had sex with either one. Now just recently had another affair again no sex, just emotional except this time I came clean about the other two as well as the one I was currently in. I left to go stay with family, and since leaving almost 3 months ago, the affair I was having has ended, and the girl I was seeing has switched shifts. I have worked 3rd shift for the last two and half years. My wife works first shift for a school driving bus. Almost a month ago I gave my life back to God, I went to an altar of repentance and surrendered my life to His will. I had an experience that day like no other. I have been going to church whenever the doors are open and have tried to talk to my wife about reconciliation. Her only reply is that I need to work on myself and my relationship with God. She says she is hurting in more ways than she can explain, and if it is meant to be then God will heal her. My question is how much time should I give her? I keep praying for restoration and have removed all temptations from my life. I have even deactivated my facebook account which I would play games on there. The voice inside me says 6 months, but I would like to go home and not pay rent for two places. not that I don't want to show her I care but I just can't afford to pay rent for her place and a place for me. I have been staying at my sister's house rent free since leaving, but now I only have till Thanksgiving to find a place to live other than where I am now. Any advice please.

So you've had 5 different affairs in your 14 year marriage? Is that correct?

Does your BW know about all of them?

Were any of the OW married?

Do you still work at the same place with the OW?

And what is your explanation for why you had these affairs?

I had 4 affairs in the 14 years, only one was married and has since had another affair that ended that marriage and she is happily married to another person. I still work at the same company just different shifts and different departments. There is no contact at all with the other woman. My explanation is that I was in a very dark place spiritually and felt that my wife was too busy for me, and we lost our friendship. I thought I could control my feelings for this other person. I wasn't looking for anyone else. I loved my wife, and still do.

no just 4 affairs in the 14 years. Yes she does now. I came clean. She knew about the first one and we separated for about 2 months then we were able to work things out. One of them was married but she had another affair that ended her marriage and she is now married to the other person.

The reason you had affairs is because you have poor boundaries. Your wife will never be safe until you figure out how to fix your boundary issue. Giving your life to God will not solve everything, you must be proactive and affair proof your life.

A guy that has 4 affairs is out trolling for action. You knew after the FIRST affair that you were vulnerable but did nothing to prevent it from happening again. After the first affair, there is no other explanation than active trolling. Saying that you "love' your wife does not mitigate the fact that you have behaved as a playah. All of your "love" never protected her and means absolutely nothing.

As such, you can't ever be a safe person working in that environment. It is obvious you can't be trusted in a work environment with other women. So, that is something that has to be changed. Your wife should not even consider taking you back until you leave that job, pass an STD test and pass a polygraph. Not that an emotional affair is any better than a physical affair, but I don't believe that a playah never slept with his targets.

Trolling for other women will put you in a dark place spiritually and will ruin your friendship with your wife. YOU wrecked your marriage. There is no excuse for your behavior and saying your wife was "too busy" for you is blaming the victim. Don't blame her for your despicable behavior.