Thank you for your interest.

Currently there is a issue that my brother and my sister in law are facing which is a little complex yet I need a solution.

So some background - marriage was family introduced and had meet for a max of 3 times until the marriage day. Prior to wedding he had considered many other girls before the decision is made. Brother stays alone in another city away from parents and myself.

My brothers behavior was weird prior to wedding, had shown signs of no interest in wife and her feelings. As to ask he for lunch or dinner and having the basic conversations were almost non from him.

In the first week she had seen a text that appeared in his mobile and it was from another lady - I am not aware of the text however it was sort of the "Miss you/Love you" message.

She confronted him and he argued back for having checked his mobile. It was loud and my Dad had confronted him about it to check on why were they arguing - to which he replied that "she is crazy, I don't know why she is screaming"

Now since the wedding day being Jan. They have not been sleeping in the same room, and from February he doesn't talk to her. She has apologized many times and has communicated to us the issues. Issues of her not being obedient and listen to her husband about food, cleaning, going to the office together (family business) and basic hygiene. Hence he has made her frustrated and angry too.

He works from morning 7 till 6 in the evening and returns home for a quick shower and leaves till he returns at night at 11:30.

We were not aware of his location and would always tell us that he is out for dinner and this was even common before marriage.

However it was coming to boiling point where he would show me he didn't like her and would sleep in a separate room in front of family members. My sister in law would wait and try to convince her to move in the room with her.

Had a chat with him and he told me that she
- isn't hygienic
- had lied about being able to manage the house of cleaning and wasn't even able to hold the broom and not even cook which she claimed she was able to.

Told him to keep expectations real and that she is only 24 this year with which there is a lack of maturity and being from a small hometown she will not have the habits of living in the city.

Now since my brother has no social life and so doesn't she, there was almost no or small chance of her changing except from the local staff that are around her.

She is educated and smart but lack maturity in her communication and behavior. But some areas that we can tweek and change - expected in this sort of marriage which my brother knows too.

However he has taken it to another level and mentioned that she i two face and that he cant take her anymore. To the point that he has told her twice that he made a mistake marrying her and that she was the biggest mistake of his life.

I felt suspicious of his behaviour and being a brother and the scooby doo side of me - I went down to spy on him for a week and hired a local to follow him as a project. (im bad, but I had no choice to save my family)

So I find out he goes to 4 massage parlors and some other smaller chains almost every day - now these are not those usual massage parlors these are with those special services and he goes these places almost every day.

To the point that he can go to two places in a day repeated twice a week. With that in mind and twice I had personally viewed his mobile in the past - it seems to be that he has reserved a lady in these spa massage places to be his only girl or so.. not sure the true issue but..I feel its time to speak to him..

So the issue is how? How do I confront someone who is likely to be living a dual life and not facing himself to change - possibly is he a sex addict where they tend to have no emotions in communicating to even family members - my brother speak very rudely and has no sense of respect to a good conversation within a family. Plus has no social life, no best friends or friends that he keeps intouch..

what should I do? any information you need please message and I will update it.

Thanks for your help!!

Welcome to MB.

Was this an arraigned marriage?

Have you told your parents of his daily trips to the massage parlors?

Thanks

1) Yes this was.
2) Yes, Dad is aware and has agreed to act stupid - mom doesnt believe her son will ever do anything stupid.

If we were to confront my brother that we know- he could possibly not speak to us like to his wife or do something stupid to himself...that is what we are afraid of..

Does his wife want to stay in the marriage? Does she know yet?

Do something stupid? Like what?

Wife is aware of him messaging someone in the first week of marriage but isnt aware of the massage place visits.

Something stupid like;physically hurt himself or cut all of communication with family.

What about emailing Dr Harley?
Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

Well, if they have slept apart from the start of the marriage and he does not want to be married to her, she could have the marriage annulled.

Your brother does not sound like a very friendly person, how you describe him. It is possible that he would cut contact with the family if they do not do what his selfish mind wants. But does that mean that he can do just anything? That he can be a bad person? Peace at any price is no peace.

You know that your brother treats his wife badly.
Your family must use their influence to get him to annull the marriage or to be a good husband. But he can only be a good husband if he chooses to be a good husband. Right now, he chooses to be a selfish person. His wife would like to know what is really going on in her marriage, so that she can make a choice about her own life.

Please talk to your father and family thay they may speak up. You cannot let this black sheep tarnish your family by doing nothing.

Most important of all, your sister in law must be told as soon as possible. Would she come here and talk to us? Marriage Builders works very well for arranged marriages as long as both people are motivated. That way she can offer your brother a choice; to work on the marriage or annul it.