Hi, I'm new here. I've been married almost a month and a half. I don't think my husband is adjusting to, or taking to, marriage very well, and it's really frustrating me, and making me concerned about our future.

Yesterday he hit me five times during an argument including on the face which left a light bruise (which started when he took down my favorite Halloween decoration without consulting me, and then escalated when he tried to rip it up and ruin it, to "get rid of what was causing the problem"). Then he told me if I ever reported him to the police for abuse to would divorce me (I said that's ok, if he ever hit me to the point of my going to the police the marriage would be over anyway), which I don't think is a normal response. He also said I'm not the "type of woman to keep a family together" and that "he thinks he made a big mistake" It took him hours of telling me I was wrong for him to apologize, but finally he bought flowers and a snack I like, cooked (his favorite) dinner, and said he wouldn't do it again. He has hit in the arm 3 times before marrage (hard enough to leave hand print) so I don't really believe it'll be the last time anymore.

Now today he has been nice and apologized again, and we were supposed to talk about wether or not we will begoibg on vacation with his friends in December (New Years) or not. We agreed last night to talk about it today, because his friends needed an answer. I tried to talk to him for 2 hours and he kept refusing. Finally at 10:30 he said he wanted to go to sleep. I said we needed to decide and he needed to call his friend, who was expecting the answer tonight (they would be booking for us). I started getting frusterated because I felt like it was pulling teeth to talk with him about this, and I told him so.

See, we're $19,000 + in debt after the wedding and barely have money to eat and pay late rent (really) until December when my husband will get his yearly bonus. My husband took out a high, high interest loan thati didn't like for the wedding, and then another slightly less high (but still very high) interest loan without telling me, and actually hid it from me. So until his bonus we have no money. He still refused to cancel, or reduce the expense of our TV service ($275 month, every channel but only he watches tv) even while I'm trying tobe creative with how many ways I can cook rice and how many chesp soups I can make because we're super broke. That bonus was supposed to pay off all the debts so we can be debt free again (which it won't totally do, but close) but now he wants to use 1/4 of it on a trip with his friends.

Also, we live in an tiny, but expensive (because it's in a trendy neighborhood) 550 sqft, 1 bedroom apartment, which is full with the two of us. Husband wants to have kids within the next 1 year, which means moving within the next year. It's only reasonable. Our lease is up in March, which means we'll have to move then, which we won't be able to afford if we take a vacation in December/January. We just can't. So then he says he won't move, we'll have a child here, that I'm putting too many restrictions and holding things over his head with ultimatums (no child if we don't move), and that the vacation and moving and a child within the next year are not connected at all.

Then he said that he'll go on vacation alone and he'll leave on Christmas to get an extra day, and that he can do whatever he wants. I said he can't do whatever he wants, he's not single anymore and if he keeps thinking had an he won't be married very long (took it too far, I know.). Then he stormed off to bed.

I'm super frustrated and I feel like I'm dealing with a child. How do you think I can break through to him that he isn't single anymore and his actions have to show that? Oh, and we tried couples therapy before marriage, but he quit without notice after 3 months.

Thank you!

Honey, as a woman who once walked in your shoes....... Run as fast as you can!!!!
Call and take pictures of the bruises on your arm & get a restraining order pronto.

Or just pack up a couple suitcases and go as soon as possible to an abuse center right now.

You have no idea what incredible danger you are in. Your talking about paint colors on the titanic.

A man who can hit a woman can and every 45 minutes in this county KILL them. You are actually in a very small minority of woman who have experienced this. I am so so sorry!

I am not kidding! You don't seem to realize what a dangerous situation you are in. Please for your life's sake- go now. Pack up and get help for your situation right away!!!

He is actually legally insane when he does this & regardless of promises and remorse- will do it again and worse & worse. It is already bad enough to warrant an arrest for assault. I am flabbergasted that him hitting you 5 times and once to the face!!!!!!!!! Isn't enough for you to file a police report!!!!!!

Take it from someone on the outside. Please save your life!

Oscarcat, you should call the police TODAY and report him so he can be arrested. Once he is arrested, change your locks so he can't get back in.

That is the understatement of the century!

You married an abuser. Leave him ASAP, report his abuse to police and file for divorce. There is nothing to save here. If you stay then you are quite foolish.

My anger management therapist said that jail therapy can accomplish a lot as far as turning a person around - report each and every instance of abuse to the police, because it is the best thing you can possibly do for him.

Your original post implies that it will take more than this incident to make you call the police. It is far from normal for spouses to physically harm one another. The seriousness of your situation can not be exaggerated. You need to act now.

1. Call the police
2. Tell your family and friends
3. Leave him and file for divorce

You've only been married for less than two months? He was physically abusive before your marriage?

It's not going to get better, Oscarcat. It's only going to get worse. I know it's hard to do, but you need to leave him. It doesn't do you, or him, or your marriage ANY good to stay with him and take his abuse. The ONLY hope he has of getting any help is if you motivate him by leaving him. He will never be motivated if you stay. And nothing will change.

Leave him.

Hi,
I've been married a little under 2 months, but we've dated 3 years, friends for 8 years. We dated long distance a year and then lived together for 2 years before marriage. Our sex life and sexual chemistry is not good. I was a virgin before dating my husband, so at first our sex wasn't great (painful ***EDIT***). We were long distance at that point, so sex was only when I visited (across the country) so took a while to improve. Eventually sex got better, but I still wasn't orgazming and he wasn't trying to help.

Fast forward to now and I don't even feel sexually attected to my new husband 90% of the time. I'm just not interested in sex with him. He's a good looking guy, but I'm not sexually into him anymore. Our sex is bland, when we have it. We hadn't had sex in a month when we had it last night (again we've been married 2 months). ***EDIT***

He tells me to tell him what I like, but because I'd never been with a partner before him, I don't know what I like from another person (I know what's do alone, but that hasn't been helpful). He gets irritated with that answer, and when I tell him I don't like a certain thing he's doing ***EDIT*** We don't kiss anymore (partly my fault, he smokes and his mouth and nose never smell good, even after brushing) and I don't like his sloppy wet makeout style) but he stopped kissing long before I was so bothered.

I actually don't like him touching me. If I don't like something he doesn't stop, so I find myself blocking him with my hands, and it bothers him. If I touch him I'm ok, and can actually get into it, but I still never orgasm. ***EDIT***

During the day we're playful, and sometimes snuggly, but a lot of the time a feel like we're room mates or back to being friends again.

Sorry this is all so graphic, but im frustrated and want to know what other people think. Thank you!!

The reason you are experiencing poor sexual experiences with your H is because he has been abusive to you. You have been advised to report his abuse and separate until he gets his anger under control.

What do you think about the guidance you have received so far? Do you think this is what a healthy and loving marriage looks like?

Why are you worried about enjoying sex with him when he HITS you?

Run, Oscar, RUN! Get away from this man. The reason you do not enjoy sex with him is because he ABUSES YOU!

I will repeat what I wrote before:

1. Call the police
2. Tell your family and friends
3. Leave him and file for divorce

Please listen to this ^^^^.

Will you do what LongWayFromHome and Prisca have advised you to do?

Hello,
I'm not my divorcing or separating from my husband less than 2 months after the wedding, or hopefully ever. Although we have problems divorce isn't the option I'm looking for, and other advice would be more helpful. I can tell you that if you were in my shoes, or if you had working knowledge of relationships with issues, you would not be lacking understanding and basically saying if I don't divorice my husband you will give no advice, help, or support. If I had used another username perhaps I would have actually gotten some non repetitive advice. I think I'll go elsewhere with my questions from now on. Thank you for your opinion.

No responsible person will help you maintain a marriage with a wife beater. We all fully understand that staying with him is not safe. You are the one who does not understand.

So, we will help you in productive activities, such as calling the police, getting him arrested, separating from him and getting the support you need. That is real support. Helping you stay with a wife beating punk is not supportive.

Any one who would tell you to stay with a man who hits you is no friend of yours.

He is not going to change as long as you put up with him treating you this way. The only hope for your marriage is to separate and file for divorce. IF he then does what he needs to do to change, you might be able to save the marriage. That is the ONLY hope for him ever changing.

You are doing yourself, your marriage, AND your husband no favors by staying with him and putting up with his abuse.

Have you read any of Dr. Harley's work? Who would tell a wife to stay with a wife beater?

What to do with an Angry Husband

He will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. The next time he hits you, remember: "I chose this."

If you would like to raise the bar and require him to treat you better, let us know. We can help you do that. I've done it myself.

Fine, if you don't want to divorce him then don't. But at least separate and set requirements for yourself of a marriage that is NOT abusive. He can follow steps to get help for his anger issues if he chooses. But if he does not do this, then no person in their right mind is going to suggest you stay in the same household living under an abuser.

I have worked with many domestic violence victims. I have seen women DIE who describe the situation you have in your first post. Does that constitute as 'working knowledge of relationships with issues?' Yes, being beaten to DEATH is an issue isn't it.

It is sad that a bunch of strangers see the immediate threat to your safety that you yourself cannot see, and that instead of considering some truth to this threat, you are going to go elsewhere for advice. You are looking for suggestions on how to have better sex, when you could be dead tomorrow.

DO NOT GET PREGNANT!!!

Hi, Oscarcat - have you heard of the Marriage Builders Radio show? I recommend you become a daily listener, for life. There is an app you can install on your phone and listen any time, any where.