Why are you not posting to Dr. Harley? You should have access to do that, since you have coached with Kim, if I am understanding correctly from your wife.

I think the basic problem here is you are not serious. You will do just the bare minimum to get your wife to think there is "hope," and then stop.

You're welcome to prove me wrong by doing the right thing every day for the rest of your life. I would honestly love to see that.

Have you listened to these?
Anger Management 101

I haven't installed the app or listened to the show, and hadn't thought to do it and will start.

thanks, I am working on the consistency and you are right. I really haven't done the program before. What you said basically describes how I approached it before and I agree with you. I know it sounds stupid, but I am serious about this and I am trying.

As far as workaholism, no. I do my best and consistently am back home by 6pm on workdays (I have a one hour commute each way). My workaholism was really in the past but still comes up as it has caused a lot of issues before in the past.

Have you contacted Dr. Harley and/or Kim?

Hi markos,
you are right, we did coach with Kim but I never followed through. That was a few years ago. I realize what you said is how it appears and I'm totally owning up to that. It may not have been intentional but that was the effect so who cares why. Following through on things in general is something that I have to work on whether it is this or anything else. I am fighting for my marriage and I won't give up.

You need to succeed, not just try.

I think the basic problem is that you think your wife should stay with you even if you don't live this way.


The solution to this is to get each hour that you work approved by your wife. If she is enthusiastic (not reluctant) you work, if not, you don't. You also need to be scheduling fifteen hours a week with her, and fifteen hours a week with you and her and the children together. You should not work at all if you don't have this time in your schedule.

BTW, that time with the children is not time spent watching them play sports. Take the kids out of sports immediately - your family is on life support and you don't have time for that. It is wasting the limited time you have to save this.

I would suggest you get the boy out of sports immediately to prove how serious you are.

What we do here is help men who say "I'm trying" and "I'm doing my best" to realize that they are not doing their best and they can do a lot better.

So why aren't you posting to Dr. Harley?

I don't think workaholism is an issue anymore. My work is pretty standard and normal.

As far as scheduling time, she doesn't want to do it. I understand why, she has deep feelings of hurt and anger, which I also realize is normal. That is the conundrum I am currently in. I had scheduled the time using the worksheet, discussed it with her while I was doing it, scheduled a date night, etc.

As far as sports if pulling my son out is something she wants to do I will do it.

I didn't even know posting to Dr. Harley was possible.

If you paid for the accountability program and coach, one of the things you got was access to post on Dr. Harley's private forum. Ask Kim for more information about this.

Keep the time scheduled and open for her, anyway.


She's already indicated she is not enthusiastic about what you've done unilaterally as far as your son being in sports, so undo it. Take him out.

What have your wife complaints been? You should reach out to Kim and Dr. Harley but you can also be proactive and start addressing your wife's complaints TODAY vs waiting for posters to tell you or ask you things. For most women, being proactive is attractive vs having to ask for every little thing. Being a lazy husband is very unattractive and will keep your wife withdrawn from you. She is half way out the door. Stop being lazy.

And what actions are you going to do this time and for how long?

If you've been in the program and coached with Kim you should be educated on what to do.

Have you posted to Dr. Harley, yet?

First, I want to say that I really do appreciate the advice and feedback. From above, I absolutely agree. I have been passive/lazy and not taken this thing by horns.

I've reached out to Kim to get advice on how to get access to the client area and the program again including posting to Dr. Harley.

Since I've checked in last I've put effort in to listening to my wife's complaints and really being attentive and there for her. I left the scheduled undivided attention time open and we actually were able to spend time together for first time in a long time. Progress, but I know that I will have to be diligent and keep it going to the plan. I'm going to go back through everything from step 1 again so I don't miss anything. I think in the past I didn't follow the manual like a real instruction guide and just took parts that seemed convenient and easy to do. I won't make that mistake this time.

Hope, why don't you re-read your thread and remind yourself why your wife is withdrawn from you instead of throwing pity party and/or temper tantrums.

Knock it off!

And repeat this ^^^^^^ to yourself 100 million times when you are ready to unleash another round of LBs.

My inconsistency is really hurting my attempts to save this marriage. No pity party, its my fault and I will take accountability for it. I haven't eradicated the LB of AO although I am actively working on it and getting help.

That should take care of the anger management: