My H and I are already divorced. He is still involved with OW. He seems to be in his own little world. Do these men ever feel any regret after affair? He can't look at me, otherwise I see no remorse. We were divorced 3 mos. after I found out. He was determined to get the divorce after I found out and no one could sway him. Will he ever realize what he lost?

That is a hard question to answer. I am sure he feels sorry for the pain that it is/has caused you, but like you said he is in his own little world. He may one day realize the seriousness of what he has done, but then again he may think this was the best decision for all concerned. Since the divorce is now final, it is time to concentrate on you and you living your life without him being the center of it. Do things that make you feel good about YOU!

I am trying to move on with my life and I am doing pretty well. This thing happened so fast and I had no idea it was coming. He always told me how much he loved me and the kids and I know this is his first affair after 8 years of marriage. He works with the OW and I think he tried to resist at first. I just have so many unanswered questions. How do you forget about your family overnight? I don't think he is worried about what he has done to me, he has said many cruel things to me and I know that man was crazy about me not too long ago. I think he is trying to escape all the responsibility of a family, he is buying all kinds of new toys for himself. He has moved in with his parents and has gone so far into debt he will never be able to afford a place of his own. Can anyone ever really be happy after they destroy their family the way he has? How can he neglect his children like this?

I believe it takes two years for the betrayed to get over the affair or divorce. Simulaneously, it takes one year before the betrayer even begins to think about it. It then takes the betrayer one more year to deal with it. If at that point they want to come back, which they usually do, they often find the betrayed is over it and doesn't want to play ball anymore.

Thank you both for your input. As I said, this happened so fast, and I couldn't understand how he is able to move on so well. I don't guess he has really moved on, I think he has buried it. I'm new to all this, I've never been in this situation before. I suppose while they are still in the middle of their affair, they don't want to look back at the family they've hurt. Does their perspective usually change after the affair ends? I had a kind, loving husband until I caught him and then you would think he hated me. The OW has been involved in numerous affairs, she left her husband for someone else. I don't see much of a future there, do you?